Page 198 of His Hell Girl

But she's gone.

And I just lose myself.

PRESENT

It's all foggy as I can no longer differentiate between what's real and what's not; what's past and what present. There's a pounding in my ears as everything becomes static noise. My pulse is elevated, blood thumping in my veins and clouding my judgement.

I only feel a deep hole in my chest—the size of the hole I put in my sister's as I'd ruthlessly killed her.

Years. So many years I spent searching for her killer when I could have just looked in the mirror.

Vanya…

What's left of my heart breaks even more as I remember her words.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

Whose fault was it that she hurt?

Mine.

Because I'd spiraled out of control, my ego the size of a skyscraper as I thought I had all the answers. A kid of barely eight taking on the entire world and revolutionizing science.

Laughter bubbles in my throat as I realize how much I'd allowed Miles to play with my head. He'd turned me into a robot ready to do his bidding.

And I killed her.

Everything comes rushing in. All the events from twenty years ago are suddenly crystal clear in my mind as I see myself engaging in all sorts of experiments, being the lab rat and the lab coat.

Vanya…

I can't help it as I fall to my knees, my teeth bared as a howl escapes me, all the pain I'm feeling threatening to overpower me.

Vanya…

My kind sister who never hurt anyone. My twin.

Once my everything.

I can't do it. I can't come to terms that these two hands that I'm staring at were the cause of her death. I used these fingers to wrap them around the hilt of a knife, stabbing her heart until all the blood poured out.

I can't.

My body starts trembling, the pressure building inside of me reaching a boiling point.

And I snap.

I barely realize how I move or when I move. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins, my entire body pumped up and ready for destruction.

I only feel the wind caress my skin as I glide on the floor, my fists ready to wreak havoc, my only purpose to raise hell.

I need chaos. I feed off of it. Because only in chaos can I silence that voice that tells me I'm my sister's killer.

Ineedthe chaos to survive.

And theyneedto die.

Moving forward, I grasp on to Miles' feeble body, all rational thought leaving me, and only one purpose remaining.

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