Page 201 of His Hell Girl

"Vlad," I exclaim, scandalized.

I can't believe he's still in the mood to joke.

"Fine, fine," he finally acquiesces, "I'll go back to bed. But you're coming with me."

I can't find it in me to refuse him, so I end up going to bed with him.

"You should forgive your brother," he suddenly says as he holds me to him. "You know he meant well."

"He would have killed you," I whisper, still unable to remove that scene from my mind. "One more bullet and you would have beendead, Vlad." My voice trembles as I look up at him, his dark eyes watching me intently.

"You saved me when I didn't deserve it, Sisi." His hand comes to rest on my head before he slowly moves his fingers down my hair. "But Iwasout of control. I could have…" A breath catches in his throat, and I recognize the agony behind his expression.

"But you didn't. You're here, with me. We're both alive. As for Marcello… I will, eventually. Not yet though," I sigh.

I understand why he'd done that, but at the same time my heart cannot bear to think of the alternative, of what might have happened if I were a second too late.

He would have killed him.

And for that, I don't think I can forgive Marcello anytime soon. I cannot even bear the thought of being in the same room as him, the urge to do harm too overwhelming.

"You haven't had any episodes so far." I change the topic as I jump out of bed to get the medical kit and change his bandages.

He pulls himself into a sitting position as he awaits for me to come tend to him, his expression pensive.

"I don't think I'll have more in the future," he mentions, and I frown.

"Why?"

Bringing the kit to the bed, I start to carefully take off his bandages before inspecting the condition of his wounds.

"These look good." I smile as I clean the areas, happy to see there's no infection and everything seems to be healing great.

He grunts, staring above my head as I continue to change the bandages. I'm focused on my task when I hear him speak again.

"The episodes," he starts, his voice far away. "I think they were my way of dealing with Vanya's death and the guilt I had over it. Blood…" He takes a deep breath, and I still, knowing this is an important moment for him.

"Blood reminded me of what I'd done. Ofherblood on my hands. And every time I saw it, it made me go a little crazy."

It's clear he's been thinking about this a lot and I cannot help but worry for him. Ever since the day he found out that he'd killed his own sister he's changed. I don't know if it's a conscious change, but I do think that the last episode freed something inside of him.

"Vlad." I raise my gaze to him, searching for his expression. "Vanya wouldn't have blamed you. You know that."

He purses his lips in a sad smile.

"I do. I do, Sisi. But that doesn't take away the fact that I feel an emptiness." He brings his fist to his chest. "Here."

"It's normal." I cover his fist with my hands, bringing it to my mouth and lightly brushing my lips across his knuckles.

"It's normal to feel like that. It'shuman. And though disputable," my lips curl up, "youarehuman. Give yourself time. To grieve. To mourn. To forgive yourself."

Besides his physical injury, his psyche had been the most affected by what happened. He's slowly starting to open up about his thoughts and feelings and I appreciate anything he chooses to share with me. No matter how long it takes, I'll be there for him, and I'll offer him my love and support—unconditionally.

At the end of the day, it can't be easy for a man who's never allowed himself to feelanythinghis entire life, to suddenly beflooded with all of these strange emotions. Sometimes I see him struggle to make sense of what's happening inside his mind, and it hurts my heart that there's nothing I can do to take away his pain.

He nods thoughtfully at my words, though his gaze is distant.

"Time…" he repeats.

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