Page 22 of His Hell Girl

VLAD

"Thank you Seth," I tell him as he brings me the latest batch of pictures of Sisi.

I'd asked him to watch over her since no matter how much I'd wanted to step away, I just couldn't. I need to know she's safe more than I need my next breath. And the pictures he's been taking for me have been the only thing keeping me going.

I never would have thought I'd become so obsessed with anyone, least of all a female. But Sisi isn't just anyone.

She's everything.

Picking up the pictures, I swipe my finger over her features. She's wearing a scarf over her neck, and I feel a pang in my chest at the thought that I might have scarred her skin forever.

She hasn't been out of the house much, and all the pictures are taken of her in the garden. She's so achingly beautiful that I cannot even find words to describe her. Even with her hair only reaching her shoulders, she's simply exquisite.

Out of pure instinct, I reach into my pocket, taking out the handkerchief she'd embroidered for me. I'd placed some of her hair inside, tying it at the ends to have it with me always.

Spreading out the material on my table, I take out some strands of hair, bringing them to my nose and inhaling—trying to get a whiff of her scent. But the more time passes, the more her scent becomes muted.

Eventually it will be all but gone.

"Why don't you just admit that you love her?" Vanya appears out of nowhere, pacing around in front of me. Not for the first time she starts interrogating me about Sisi. After all, she's the sole reason for my slight change in behavior.

Vanya's been the first one to note that I'd become more withdrawn and one hundred percent more reckless, so she'd started cornering me at every turn, demanding I do something about it.

And after my last incident with opiates, I can see why she'd become increasingly mad at me. After all, I'd been the one to criticize Bianca when she'd become addicted to coke, and here I was, slowly following in her footsteps.

Safe to say, though, I learned my lesson when I almost OD'd. Apparently my body is fully capable of overdosing, it just can't react that well to pain.

Of any kind.

"You know I can't love," I answer with a sigh. We've been over this before. I'm broken from birth and it's not like anything could magically fix it.

If I could, Sisi would be the first… no, the only one to whom I'd offer my love.

"You can't love yet you love her." She raises an eyebrow, her arms crossed over her chest as she stops in front of me.

"It's not love!" I groan out loud. "It's just my selfish desire to have her with me at all times. To feel her with me… to have her in my arms…" I drift off, the pain in my chest expanding. Why does it feel like I can't breathe? Like the entire room is getting smaller and smaller.

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I still remember seeing her with the evidence of what I'd done. The fact that I could have easily killed her had nearly destroyed me. For the first time in my life, I'd known real fear at the prospect of her gone. It had been like the worst hit to the chest, my mind fogging, my entire being racked with the worst pain I'd ever felt.

My fingers tighten over her hair as I hold it near, the only thing that seems to calm me these days.

"You selfishly don't love her, but you unselfishly let her go to protect her, even though it's killing you inside," Vanya says, shaking her head at me. "If that's not love…" She trails off and I lift my eyes to look at her.

"You, my brother, are a moron," she states, exasperated. "You're putting her welfare above your own! That's the very definition of love!"

"And how would you know?" I ask, rather peeved.

"Because that's what you did for me too!" she screams at me.

I look at her dumbfounded, wholly shocked at her outburst.

"You love her, you just don't know how to love. There's a difference," she points out.

"But how can I love if I don't know how?" I ask brokenly.

I just want her… I've only ever wanted her.

"You just do what other people do. Take care of her, shower her with attention, show her she is the only one for you."

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