Page 39 of His Hell Girl

It seems that it is my fate to be forever alone… and forever unwanted.

The days pass, but I barely notice whether it's day or night. The wedding arrangements are quickly dealt with, people coming and going from the house, Raf's family practically making camp here as they are getting increasingly excited for the wedding.

I just fake a smile and try to get through the motions, nothing really getting a reaction out of me.

Not even Raf with his sweet nature can make me snap out of my current state.

I'm simply surviving.

"Sisi," I hear Lina's voice as she knocks on my door the night before the wedding.

"Come in," I say, watching her enter the room, uncertainty all over her face.

"I wanted to talk to you before…" She trails off when she sees my blank face.

I nod, motioning her to the table by the window.

"I can't help but feel that you haven't been yourself," she starts, her hands fidgeting in her lap. I turn my head to her, my stare vacant—as it usually is—and I just shrug.

"I'll be fine," I respond, almost flippantly.

"I know losing a child can be extremely painful, but…" She starts talking, my ears already tuning everything out.

I'd lied that I hadn't known I was pregnant. That I was just as surprised as them. It made it easier to avoid their pitiful glances, and even easier for me to pretend that I'm fine.

But I'm not.

All I want to do is scream at the world that I'mnotfine. That I want my baby back. That I wanthimback.

But it's never going to happen. No matter how much I tell myself that it isn't real — it is. And it hurts.

God, almost daily I have to battle with myself to even get out of bed. How I've managed to put on clothes, a pretty smile and nod at everyone's words is beside me.

I want to be left alone.

"You don't have to marry him, Sisi. If you don't want to." Lina's hand covers my own, the compassion reflected in her gaze almost moving me.

But how can you move something that doesnotexist anymore?

I've become increasingly certain that my heart must have died the same moment my baby did. Because that was the last time I felt something.

"It will be alright, Lina," I say stiffly. "It will all be alright."

The words sound fake to my ears too, so it's no wonder Lina frowns in concern, coming closer to me and taking me into her arms.

Once upon a time, that hug would have revitalized me. Now it feels just… bleak.

"I don't want you to feel forced into something just because you slept with him. Marcello isn't like my parents, Sisi. He's never going to push those outdated standards on you," she tells me, lightly stroking my short hair.

It's funny how no one's ever questioned my sudden change in behavior, my new hair, or the fact that I cannot exit the house without a scarf—during summer. For all their concern, do theyreallycare?

"I want to," I reply, my gaze already fixed on the lawn outside, where my prince had once waited for me, to save me from my tower. "It's going to be fine," I repeat.

Lina doesn't seem convinced, but she leaves me alone at last.

And I can finally go back to sleep—the only time I can be together with my baby.

"You look so pretty, Sisi,"Lina's voice makes me blink twice, and I try to pay attention to what she's saying.

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