Page 82 of His Hell Girl

"It's… complicated," I reply, not knowing how much I should tell her. Because if she finds out everything… I don't know how she'll react to that.

"It's not." She shakes her head, her teeth peeking out as she bites her lower lip. "We're in this together," she says, a smile tugging at her lips. "You promised you'd trust me. No more secrets."

"Hell girl," I groan, knowing she's right. "I do trust you." I take a deep breath, my eyes searching hers. "But you might not see me the same when you find out some things about me."

Her hand tightens over mine as she brings it to her lips, laying a small kiss on my knuckles.

"Vlad," she says, her tone serious. "I've seen you at your worst, and I'm still here."

"This might be worse than that…" I trail off and her lips are set in a thin line as she raises an inquisitive eyebrow at me.

Fuck! It's now or never.

I know Sisi won't drop this. Whenever she gets something in her mind, shealwayssees it through. It's one of the things I love about her, but in this instance, I'm afraid it might cause a rift between us. Because there's no sugar coating my past. I just need to hope she won't see me differently.

"I told you about my sister, Vanya, and that I didn't remember what happened when we were taken."Taking a deep breath, I start. Sisi is listening attentively, and I force myself to tell her everything I've kept bottled up for so long.

"She was dead by the time we were found." I use one hand to tug a strand of her hair aside. "What I didn't tell you is that I didn't realize she was dead until years later."

"What do you mean?" She frowns.

"Something happened to me there," I purse my lips at the understatement, "and I never registered her death. To me she was still alive. Like you, I could touch her," I move my hand over her cheek, "talk to her, do everything with her."

"You're saying you were seeing your sister's ghost?" she asks, incredulous.

"Not a ghost. More like a figment of my mind. A phantasm borne out of my dependence on her." I sigh, knowing I'm about to peel all the layers and show myself bare before her.

"I was very lonely as a child. No one wanted to do anything with me. Vanya was the only one I could talk to… interact with. The only one by my side. Until I realized she wasn't real."

"When did you?"

"I was fifteen," I start, telling her the incident with the clothes and how my father had told me that Vanya had been dead for a long time. "That's when I had my first full-on episode," I explain, the thought of never seeing Vanya again having been so agonizingly maddening I'd just snapped.

And so I tell her everything from the beginning. How everyone had shunned me since Valentino had found me and how my morbid fascination with death had made people fear me, or deem me afreak. Vanya, or who I thought to be Vanya, had been the only one by my side, and theonlything keeping me remotely sane.

"And then you came along." I give her a smile. "From that first moment in the church, something happened."

"Vlad," Sisi says my name in a soft voice, and I see pain in her gaze.For me.Tears gathered at the corner of her eyes, her hand squeezes mine as I speak.

"For the first time, Vanya disappeared," I continue, and her brows knit in confusion.

"You mean…" Sisi trails off, and realization dawns on her as she draws back. "Is that why you sought me out?" she asks suddenly, her voice broken. A small shake of her head and I can feel her entire body trembling.

Damn! I'm making a mess of this.

"In the beginning. Yes. I wanted to figure outwhyyou seemed to drive her away," I speak fast, trying to get everything out before she jumps to conclusions. "But one moment in yourpresence and everything fell away. I can promise you, Sisi, that Vanya's presence or absence was the last thing on my mind when I was with you."

She blinks fast, trying to process everything. For a second I'm afraid she's going to take this the wrong way, that I'm only with her because of that.

"Go on," she says hesitantly.

"She's gone now. For good," I assure her, recounting my trip to Peru, my one last attempt to get myself under control. Her eyes widen as I tell her what I'd been up to in the last few months, and how underElViejo's tutelage I'd managed to unlock a deep part of myself. I also share that my little blood ritual has been quite helpful in helping me overcome my crises.

When she doesn't speak, merely regarding me quietly, I feel compelled to placate her.

"Please don't think that I'm with you because of that. Is that why I sought you out initially? Yes," I admit, inwardly wincing at my own words, "but that's not why I stuck around. That's not why I'm here. I love you, hell girl, and before you, I never thought to get better. I was fine just living in between episodes."

Sisi nods thoughtfully.

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