Page 106 of Between Wrath and Mercy

Cyran went on to explain what to look for at the Cascade, utilizing the map on the table. Declan didn’t anticipate us knowing about the attack and had made little to no arrangements for hiding Elora. She'd be in a carriage far back from the battle, only to be brought out upon victory. His suggested plan was to rift to her location and pull her through it quickly. Cyran would allow himself to be taken in battle, and we were to plan accordingly. Elora tensed when he revealed that aspect of the plan and argued with him over it until I assured her Rainier’s men wouldn’t hurt him. When he was finished speaking about logistics, he left the room again, and I pulled Elora into a long embrace, both of us crying as the room began to shake.

"To the moon, Elora. I love you to the moon."

Iwokeupwitha gasp, disoriented. I couldn’t see, and the room was stiflingly hot. My arms sprang free from either side of me, reaching for Elora, trying to clutch her to my chest. When I realized I wasn’t in the illusion anymore, I let out a sob and tucked my arms close to me.

“Come here, love.” Rain’s voice renewed my tears as he pulled me tight against his chest, brushing his fingers through my hair. The tenderness was doing nothing to stop my crying, only fueling it further. The illusion had been too short. I cried into his chest, not caring if I covered his freshly cleaned skin in snot and salt. He held me and petted me until my tears finally lessened.

“She’s alright, isn’t she, Em?” He sounded timid, afraid for the answer, and I realized this entire time he thought something might have happened to her.

“Oh gods, yes. She’s alright. It was just too short. She’s scared, but she’s alright.”

Rainier let out the breath he’d been holding, and I nearly started crying again.

“But you were able to see her?”

“Yes.” I paused, wiping my nose and eyes on my sleeve, Rain’s sleeve. “She is quite mad at me, though.”

“Like you expected?”

“Worse. Faxon fed her lies, and she believed them. He made her think he sold her because I betrayed him. I think he insinuated I was unfaithful.”

“Well . . .”

“No, stop. You came after.”

“I sure did.” I could hear his smile in the dark, and I smacked his chest. “Wereyou unfaithful to him?”

“No, Rain. I’m offended you even asked. It’s absurd! Utter foolishness. Not only did he think it, he was convincing enough to make Elora consider the idea. Gods, when would I have had the time? I haven’t done anything . . . like what we did the other night. Not since before she was born.”

“Even with him?”

“Especially with Faxon.” I paused, wondering if I should reveal everything to him, and finally decided honesty seemed to be the best idea for everyone important to me. “Faxon drank. Sometimes when he drank, he’d . . . use my hand. But that was it, and I didn’t ever want to do it.”

I felt him tense beside me before he pulled me closer, kissing my forehead.

“I wish I could bring him back just so I could be the one to kill him.” He stilled before he nuzzled into my neck, inhaling me. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because gods dammit Emmeline, I made so many mistakes. I let you challenge me to that gods forsaken duel, and then I respected the outcome. I should’ve taken you and ran, the Crown be damned, and saved you from so much.”

“You know I wouldn’t have let you do that. And to be fair, you didn’t respect the outcome since you did return to Ravemont.” I laughed softly, somehow able to look back at it without anger.

“I could have tied you up and made you understand.” He huffed a small laugh.

“I’d have hated you, Rain, and you know it.”

“I know. Still, what he did, all the things he’s done—and I wasn’t there to save you.” Surprise crossed his features, and he kissed me gently before pulling back to take me in. “The fact you still did what you did the other night with me means more now than it did before. Thank you, Em.”

“Don’t thank me; I wanted to do that. I—you still helped me through it in a way. Afterward, I’d remind myself what it was like when you used to love me. I knew your kind of safety and security existed out there, and I’d experienced it, however fleeting. Don’t say sorry or thank me because you’ve helped me more than you know.”

His gaze met mine, and the look on his face almost broke my heart in two. Every feeling I couldn’t voice and every moment shared between us all showed on his face, and I buried mine in his neck, not able to handle the intensity of it.

He placed his hand on the back of my head, holding me, before whispering, “I never stopped, you know.”

“Me neither.”

It was the closest we had ever been to saying it. We never said it back then, and both of us had only admitted to it in passing now. It felt like a line drawn in the sand, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for the freefall once we crossed it. He held me tight, and I slid my leg between his. We laid there for a while, his hands rubbing down my back while I settled into his embrace.

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