Page 108 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“I’ve had almost twenty years to think this through, Emma.”

“Stop. You have not.”

“Did you ever stop loving me?” He squeezed my hand in his, and I felt nauseated.

“I just told you I didn’t.” He stood up, and I crossed my arms and turned away from him, gazing down into the fire.

“And I said the same to you. I haven’t stopped loving you since you bullied your way into my life when you were fifteen years old. I haven’t stopped wanting you. I’ve tried to put my duty first, and I’ve made some mistakes along the way, but my love for you has been constant. I’ve loved you from the start.”

“There’s more to this than love!” I turned around, throwing my arms out in frustration. If there was some way I could say yes, and not be the voice of reason, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I could not be queen. I almost started laughing, thinking how badly Lavenia didn’t want this because she wasn’t prepared. If only she knew what her brother was asking of me. If he would have let the Crown go to his sister, I’d have said yes in a heartbeat. Even if it hurt my friend or went against her wishes, I would have said yes. There would have been no hesitation or questions. I’d have fallen to my knees and screamed the word. But he was asking me for so much more than just to marry him.

“Yes, of course, there is more to it. There’s the protection you and your daughter would be offered if you were my queen, there’s—”

“You won’t protect us unless I say yes?” I shoved him backward, shouting at him.

“That’s not what I said!” He took a step forward, fists clenched, and I felt my jaw shoot out in defiance. “I’m saying no one would dare try to take her again if her mother was the gods damn Queen of Vesta. They’d die trying.”

“You realize how selfish that would make me? Becoming queen for no other reason than to better protect my daughter?”

“The fact you think it’s selfish only proves—it doesn’t matter. I’d hope there are other reasons you’d want to be queen, present company included.” The corner of his mouth quirked upward.

“You think loving you is enough reason to rule a kingdom, Rainier?” I knew what I said hit its mark when his face tightened, all traces of his smile gone.

“As if loving you has ever been any sort of blessing, Emma.” I saw red.

“Then why bother with this?” I gestured to the box in his hand, shouting and willing the tears forming in my eyes to go away.

“Sometimes, I wonder if maybe my life would’ve been easier if I never met you, Em. But the fact is, I did. I met you, and my heart has beat for only you ever since. My heart is yours to break, borrow, and bruise. The only way this ends,” he gestured between us, "is death. There is no one else for either of us. You know it, I know it, our friends know it. Mairin just met me, and even she’s said as much!”

“Yeah, Mairin seems to think she knows a lot.” I bit the words out, immediately regretting them.

“What do you mean?” His eyes narrowed as he stared down at me, instantly recognizing the facial expression I wore.

“Nothing.” I reined my features in, averting my eyes.

“What do you mean?” He bent down, eye level with me, an unforgiving look on his face.

“It’s nothing!” I shouted at him, pushing him again before I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrists and held me tight.

“You little liar.” He was angry beyond words, but the longer I looked at him, he began to appear hurt. The earth below us was shaking slightly, and I realized he wasn’t doing it on purpose, his emotions strong enough that controlling his divinity was a task he couldn’t manage at the moment. His eyes searched mine, pleading with me for honesty. I didn’t want to tell him. Telling him meant I’d been hiding it from him. Telling him meant I was still fighting him, even though I knew we were predestined. But I couldn’t lie to him anymore. My body made my decision for me when I felt my shoulders drop, my defensive position lost, all open and vulnerable in the way I held myself.

“She says we’re twin flames.” I looked down as I said it, not wanting to see the hurt from the secret I’d kept. His hands tightened on my wrists.

“We’re what?” His voice was breathless, and I lifted my eyes back up to his, shining in the low light.

“We are twin flames, Rain.” My voice was louder, breaking on his name. He let go of my wrists and took a step back, the space between us a slash to my heart. The ground was shaking hard enough I grabbed onto the chair behind me for support, letting out a small gasp. He glanced at me for a second, and the movement stopped abruptly. I watched him turn away from me, pulling his hand up to his mouth, rubbing his jaw roughly. He paced for a moment, and I watched the muscles in his arm flex as he kept tracing his hand along his jaw. He walked over to the garden doors and threw them open, a cool breeze ripping through the room. I found it interesting he didn’t question me or question Mairin. He took it as fact, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he knew more about merrows than I did, or if it was because he was so certain in me,in us, it didn’t seem like a stretch to him.

“How long have you known?” His back was to me, the fire dancing a pattern across his broad shoulders.

“A few days.”

“Specifically.” His voice was a knife in my stomach, cold and unyielding.

“She told me after I sparred with Thyra the other night while you and the others were getting us food.”

“So, you’ve spent the night in my arms twice since then without telling me?”

“Yes.” I hesitated. “I was going to tell you.” I let my voice trail off, knowing it wasn’t enough.

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