Page 111 of Between Wrath and Mercy

Chapter 35

Ihadoncebelievedthat to know love was to lose it. Maybe I still did. Perhaps itwaslove to know there was a price and to find it worth paying all the same. Perhaps it was love to have an unshakable madness burrow under your skin, asking you to choose that which terrified and exhilarated you, over and over, knowing one day it wouldn’t be a choice. Knowing that one day—when you are truly dependent on it—it will leave. By accident, choice, or time, it will be gone. Perhaps love was risk. Perhaps love was taking a leap and hoping you could withstand what happened after. I didn’t know much about it, not this kind, not in the way many seemed to know about love. But what I did know was it had found me and never left. This love had been there all along, waiting for me to choose it. This love felt like daylight, golden and warm. The first rays of sun after a long, hard night. This love felt like courage. Like the first timid steps on an uncertain path. But I was changed and made anew, still soaking in the afterglow of the light we had become. And I knew there was no going back.

I felt the sun shining on my body and squinted, opening my eyes. The curtains were drawn back, and the sun splashed over Rainier’s chest, along with my hand resting on top of it. The ring on my finger caught the light and was sending a beam straight into my eyes. Nestled in the crook of Rainer’s arm, the sounds of his breathing were soft and slow enough to tempt me back toward sleep's embrace. I adjusted my hand so I could study the ring I'd refused to look at the night before. The stone in the center was a blue-green color, teardrop-shaped, and tiny delicate vines made up the band, a sprinkle of clear stones embedded along it to resemble flower buds. I delicately turned my hand, careful not to disturb Rainier, as I watched the light dance over the facets of the gems. It was truly stunning, something that fit my hand and tastes perfectly. I’d never worn a ring with Faxon, the simple band used in the ceremony immediately discarded and left to sit in a small bowl on my dresser at home. It felt foreign on my finger, but I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

“It changes color with the lighting.” Gravelly with sleep, his voice was quiet. I hadn’t noticed a difference in his breathing, but he must have felt me move.

“I’m sorry if I woke you.” He pulled my hand up to his mouth, bending my fingers at the knuckles before pushing his lips to them.

“You didn’t. The stone changes color depending on the type of light. Sunlight makes it look like this. But candlelight or firelight makes it turn a sort of violet-red color.” I pulled my hand back down to inspect the ring closer, trying to determine how it could possibly change color.

“I still haven’t said yes, Rain.” I tilted my head up and watched a small smile spread on his full and tempting lips.

“I know.” He placed a sweet kiss on my forehead before he disentangled himself from our entwined limbs, sliding to the edge of the bed. I studied his naked body—the swells of muscle across his shoulders, the long scar that went diagonally across his back, and the strong curve of his backside. I sat up, scooting to where he sat, and traced my fingers down the long scar, my cold touch causing his skin to pebble before he shivered.

“What’s this from?”

“When we first took back Varmeer. It had to have been, what, ten years ago now? I made some mistakes, got overwhelmed. Dewalt and Thyra had to drag me out of the fray. Thank the gods we had a healer then, or I’d have certainly died.”

The idea had my stomach clenching, and I banished the thought as I pressed my lips to where the scar began.

“I suppose I have a lot to thank the gods for.” He wore an earnest expression as he turned to me. “Do you remember where we stopped on our way to Mira? The divine statuary?” He was talking about the tunnel of orange leaves where I’d prayed to Aonara. Where he had pressed a coin into my palm, and I’d pleaded, sobbing, for Elora’s return.

“I remember.”

He smiled, and it was breathtaking.

“The coin I gave you to pray with had been all I had left in my pocket. I prayed there the day before.” Confused as to why he’d been there in the first place, my head tilted in question. His smile softened as he watched me, his eyes dancing across my face, memorizing me. I knew the look because I'd done it to him so many times. “The offerings you saw there, they were all mine. I stopped there and prayed to them, Emmeline. You know how I used to feel about the gods. But I prayed anyway.”

“Why? What were you praying about?”

“I was on my way to request the task and saw the divine statuary, and I stopped. And I begged. To forget you. To rid me of this—this poison that has been in my blood all these years. It didn’t feel right to request a task for her, with you still firmly planted in my heart.” His smile faded, and he studied me, waiting for my reaction. Part of me wanted to avert my eyes or resent him for calling me a poison. Again. But I wouldn’t. I would never turn my back on him again.

“I’m glad they met expectations as usual and didn’t listen.” I let my smile spread, and he threw his head back, laughing.

“I think theywerelistening if only to do the exact opposite. I decided not to request my task that day and went back to Ravemont instead, where you were waiting for me.” He put his hand on my neck and pulled me into him, so our foreheads rested against each other, and we sat there for a long while, reveling in the glow of what we'd become.

Standinginthecloset,Rainier’s ripped shirt pulled tightly around my body, I stared at three of the most beautiful dresses I’d ever seen, hanging on the rack in front of me.

“You shouldn’t have done this!” Mouth agape, I stared between him and the gowns, shocked by how much he must have spent on me. He shrugged on a shirt, all black, buttoning it in such a casual manner, I almost thought he couldn't hear me.

“I bought them with the sole intention of taking them off.” His gaze didn't stray from his buttons, but his lips kicked up in a grin. Once finished, he ambled over to a drawer and opened it, gesturing to countless wrapped parcels within. I chose one, unwrapping it carefully, and out fell a set of delicate undergarments. Rainier picked them up and handed them back to me, not uttering a word, but I watched his smile grow. By the time I opened them all, carefully arranging them in the drawer, Rainier was fully dressed, head to toe in black, looking sleek and impossibly handsome. He raised a brow as he took in my expression—utterly lost—before plucking a set of matching undergarments out from the drawer and sliding one of the dresses in front of me.

“These. We slept through breakfast, so I asked Sterling to prepare an early lunch. Join me once you’ve finished?” He leaned forward, fingertips delicately touching my own, as his lips softly pressed against mine. I sighed at the tenderness and nodded as he left.

The set of underwear he picked was an exceptionally light blue. So light in color they were almost white—made of satin and impossibly soft against my skin. They were simple, not nearly as frilly as some of the other sets. When I put the bra on, I noticed tiny, delicate flowers embroidered on the cups, a shade of blue only slightly darker than the rest of it that it was almost imperceptible.

The dress itself was a darker blue. It had multiple layers, the bottom-most layer being the darkest, and it swept back into a short train. I began to wonder if I would even be able to put it on myself without managing to rip it when I heard a light knock on the bedroom door and Mairin calling my name. I replied, and she came bounding around the door, wearing a green dress I’d never seen before. It was relatively plain but still looked new and shiny, and I wondered if Rainier had outfitted the whole house or if she’d bought it herself.

“The prince thought you might need some help.” She gave me an easy smile, and I noticed how well-rested she appeared. Her freckles stood out starkly across her pale skin, but her curly orange hair was vivid and shining. She reached up, pulling the dress from its hanger. “You told him? Truly, I thought it would take you longer.”

“It was an accident; I didn’t mean to tell him.” I stepped into the dress, and she hauled it up as I slid my arms into the sleeves. “Did he say something to you?” I glanced over my shoulder at my friend as she fastened each button down my back. The dress fit perfectly.

“No, but I can tell. Your colors are different.” Maybe one day I’d understand what auras looked like to her or what it meant, but I didn’t think it would be any time soon. I almost asked her about it but decided against it, knowing the explanation I got before was likely the best I was going to receive. I walked over to the mirror and tugged at the garment a bit, helping it settle better on my hips. It was truly stunning. The darkest blue layer was a perfect length in the front with a short train at the back, manageable enough it didn’t need a bustle. The lighter shade of blue fabric on top became sheer at the bottom, allowing the dark blue to show through. It was the color of the summer sky and had beautiful flowers dispersed across it. I saw what seemed to be blue delphinium flowers and light purple freesia in the pattern, and I felt like I’d fit right in outside in the garden Rainier had planted for me. A light-blue sash, the same material as my undergarments, cinched the dress in at the waist. The same fabric lined the sweetheart neckline, only showing the top swell of my breasts, making me feel feminine but still covered. The sleeves were the same light blue patterned fabric, form-fitting to my arms, and only came down a bit past my elbows. The back of the dress dipped a bit lower, an upside-down triangle of skin showing

“Do you want me to put your hair up for you?” Mairin was watching me as I turned in the mirror. I was shocked that such a beautiful dress looked so good on me. The seamstress was most definitely a witch, I laughed to myself. I debated, knowing Rainier liked my hair down, but relented, suspecting he’d appreciate my exposed back just as much.

Minutes later, I wore a beautiful braid that wrapped around the back of my head, joining the rest of my hair in a low, loose bun. I lightly fingered the plait and began to give my thanks to Mairin when she suddenly grabbed my hand.

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