Page 138 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“I ask of you, Thyra of Skos, to follow me, and abide in my company, advise me in my best interest, and—” I hesitated, not sure how to finish. I’d heard oaths like this before, but I was on the spot, doing my best to make it sound respectable. “I ask you to have patience with me while I learn and strive to be better.” She smiled at me as I pulled the sword back, waiting for her to do something.

“Thyra of Skos, do you accept the oath as Princess Emmeline Vestana—gods, I love that—as Princess Emmeline Vestana has presented it?” Rain grinned and took his sword back.

“I accept.” Thyra stood and grabbed me at the wrist before I pulled her in for an embrace. “Thank you, Princess.”

“I should have put something in the oath about you calling me that. Please, Thyra, call me Emma. My friends call me Emma.”

She nodded and backed away before sitting back down, abruptly as if her legs failed her. If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn the warrior woman who called me stupid the moment she met me shed a tear as she looked away.

Afteranunnecessarilyextravagantdinner, a small troupe of performers set up began playing music. I watched as Dewalt dragged Lavenia and Mairin out to the clearing in the middle of the floor, and they all began skipping, jumping, and dancing to the fiddle. I felt melancholy, wishing I could participate in the joyous fun without any trouble brewing in my heart. While this day was one I’d never imagined could happen and left me absolutely incandescent with love and relief, my heart was not quite in it without my daughter.

“Care to dance with me, my wife?” Rain’s lips brushed against my cheek, and I turned to him, smiling over how the gold dust had spread across his face. I lifted my hand, tracing my fingertips over his cheekbone and jawline.

“Soon? I’m feeling a bit sad at the moment. Elora would have loved this.”

He started to slide into the chair next to me, but I stopped him, placing my hand over his. "But you should dance, my love." I nodded at his sister and our friends, and his lips tipped up before he pushed a kiss to the top of my head.

“I will keep you company until you're ready to join me."

"Rain, please. Go have fun. I just need a few moments alone."

He nodded slowly, understanding my desire to sink into my thoughts. I felt the threads of our bond light up faintly, the connection almost purring at our synchronicity.

"We will have countless more celebrations she will enjoy, I promise. Join me when you’re ready.” He gently traced his fingertips over my exposed shoulders as he walked past me to join our friends, and I watched them dance together with a smile on my face, feeling luckier than I’d ever felt before. Rain twirled his sister around him while Mairin led Dewalt through a complicated dance to the beat of the music, Lavenia laughing at them with her head tilted back, a beautiful swirl of red dress and black hair blurring as she spun. I imagined myself and Elora out there next to them, light with joy. We’d be getting her back so soon, and I was starting to count the hours. I knew afterward there would be a time of transition and healing and honesty, but I was eager for the time after. The normalcy we would grow into, although nothing about this new life was normal. I dreamt of the three of us sitting in the garden at Rain’s estate. Our estate. That home was as much mine as it was his from the moment he built it; I just didn’t know it. I imagined falling asleep with both of them in the hammock, Rain murmuring tales of his adventures to her as we drifted off. I could hear Rain and I telling her the story of the two of us. Of the love we felt which drew us over the years, the love we could finally claim. The love we’d hope for her to experience one day. Part of me was devastated, sorry for the fact she lost her father, but she’d lost him long before his death. I wondered if she ever truly had him. But I knew Rain would be everything to her he could be, everything she could ever hope for, and the thought was a beacon of light in this long dark.

“How does it feel to be a princess?” I startled out of my dreamy state when Queen Shivani spoke. I gave her a small smile, uncertain of her tone, as she lowered herself into the seat next to me.

“Well, I suppose I don’t feel any different at the moment.” Other than the title and the diadem I wore, nothing had changed.

“Oh, but you will. There is much for you to learn and much for me to teach you.” Though I did my best to portray the opposite on my face, I internally cringed. I knew as the reigning queen, Shivani was inarguably the best person to learn about my duties from, but the thought of working with her and learning from her provided me with such unease I thought I’d much rather figure things out myself. She began explaining and listing some of the many meetings I’d start to attend with her, and I felt my senses glaze over again as I stared out at the people dancing. I saw a shock of white hair at the back of the room for a brief second. Leaning in my chair, I searched, attempting to find the person again. I’d only seen two people in my life with hair that color, and it wasn’t possible either were here. I stood, ignoring Shivani, gazing past the people on the crowded dance floor. That was when I saw her.

The woman who stood at the back of the room was tall, Thyra’s height. Her hair fell past her lower back, and it swayed in a slight breeze despite the still air in the room. I felt myself walking toward her, all sound in the room having become a dull buzz in my ears. She wore an all-white dress and a half-smile—almost sad as she looked at me. I skirted the tables to avoid those dancing, and she eventually turned away from me in a manner that could only be described as a glide. A memory itched at the recesses of my mind. I'd seen her before. I'd been hallucinating, blood loss and childbirth having nearly killed me, but I remembered seeing her. She'd been with another woman who was the opposite in coloring and clothing, and they'd whispered to one another, quiet as they watched me dying, before turning and walking away from me in the same manner. If this woman in the ballroom was the moonlight, the woman with her in my memory was night itself. Perfect compliments and equals. I'd seen them both while I was barely conscious, and because of my midwife's insistence that I'd been seeing things, I'd pressed the memory away, locking it down with the trauma of Elora's birth, never to be relived. But the woman I saw just now made me wonder what it was I saw back then. As she glided away, I felt myself pick up my pace, swiftly walking across the ballroom as she whipped around into a hallway. Picking up my skirts, I began running to catch up to her, but when I turned quickly into the hallway, she was gone. I stood there for a moment, watching the end of the long hallway and knowing there was no way for her to have disappeared.

“What did she say?” The hand that grabbed my arm belonged to Dewalt, though it took me a moment to understand what he was saying.

“Who?” I blinked up at him, realizing I felt a bit dazed.

“The queen. Did she upset you?” He narrowed his eyes as he examined me, scanning my features.

“No. She didn’t upset me. I thought I saw someone.” My gaze flickered back down the hallway. I didn’t know how to explain it to Dewalt. My heart told me deep down, I knew both women, the one from the ballroom and the other from my memory, but my mind was not willing to admit the possibility. I shook my head as Dewalt stared down at me. He worried his lip before taking my arm in his.

“Come on. You owe me a dance, mouse.”

Leading me back out into the ballroom, his steady grasp on my arm helped support me as I couldn't focus, too engrossed on the women from my memory. He led me onto the dance floor just as the performers switched their songs to a slower pace, a young woman singing in the place of the grizzled old man, her song low and melancholy. Placing one hand on the small of my back and taking my hand in his other, Dewalt twirled me around in a slow dance I vaguely remembered learning years ago. I heard a low rumble of thunder followed by the beginning of rain. I was glad the storm had missed us during the Mind ceremony.

“You sure jumped headfirst into it, didn’t you? The life she would’ve wanted for you?” He smiled as he looked down at me, but the tone of his voice was bitter. I had anticipated some of those emotions from him and readied myself for the possibility, but I was worried. I would take the brunt of his frustration, the closest thing to the real woman he was missing.

“I guess I did.”

“Funny, how it’s the life she would have lived, isn’t it? This was supposed to be her.” His expression was sour. “It’s a shame it took you so long to take her place. The wait was torture for Rainier.”

“I’m not taking her place, Dewalt. This ismyplace. I love him; I was always supposed to be here. Just like Lucia was supposed to be with you.”

He sighed and averted his eyes, watching our friends dance with each other, his expression softening as Lavenia twirled Mairin in a wide circle before he turned back to me.

“I’m sorry. I’m being unfair.”

“You are, but I understand.”

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