Page 143 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“At dinner, I think I saw a vision of Aonara.”

“What? Dinner tonight?” His confusion only worsened, eyebrows up to his hairline, and he seemed exhausted.

“Yes. She had the hair—white—and she was so pale. I followed her before I danced with Dewalt, but she disappeared after she turned the corner.” He nodded slowly, waiting for more.

“Now, if that was all it was, I might have just shaken it off. But she felt different, familiar almost. The way she moved and just the way she looked at me, I don’t know. But Rain," I shook my head, barely believing myself. "Rain, I've seen her before." His face was ashen, and all he did was blink at me. "When I was in labor with Elora, I hallucinated two women. But now, I don't think they were hallucinations. I think—I saw Aonara and Rhia. The midwife told me I hadn’t seen anyone, and I was half-dead, so I believed it. I mean, it would explain it, right? Even if you didn’t—if Rhia was involved—I don’t know.”

He stared down at his hands, not truly seeing anything. "But why was Aonara there too?"

"I suppose to bless her. Her eyes were white from the very beginning."

Rain lifted his head and watched me, his expression pained, and I wanted to hold onto him. My heart broke knowing I was responsible for what he was feeling. I was almost certain the women I saw all those years ago were the two goddesses. Their presence hadn’t been a comfort or discomfort at the time, just a confusing thing to think about after the fact. I'd explained Aonara's reason for being there, but the only reason for Rhia's presence had to have explained how Elora could be his. Perhaps she'd accompanied her sister to ensure her blessing had come to fruition. The longer I thought, the more sure I felt. It would explain everything.

“Does she look like me?”

I couldn’t help it as a sob broke past my lips, his quiet hope more than enough to destroy me. He grabbed my hands, pulling them into his lap, and the simple motion of him comforting me undid me. He was the one being told about what he'd missed, and yet he was consoling me. The tears streamed down my face, the guilt and sadness mingling so thoroughly when I thought about my daughter.Ourdaughter.

“She looks like Lucia, like me, I never sus—Her hair is curly.” I gave him a tentative smile, hoping I could offer him something. “I thought it came from Faxon’s side, but I suppose I was wrong.”

Rain didn't speak, his eyes empty. I wished I could crawl inside his chest, be his heart for a moment. Just long enough to ensure it was me who broke, to save him the pain.

“What made you—How did you realize?” He swallowed, a loud gulp breaking the silence.

“I was thinking about all the things Faxon said. When he said it, I thought he was referring to me being with you. But now I think that when he said ‘I suppose she’s yours,’ he was talking about Elora. Thinking about what he'd said, and then hearing you call herourdaughter, well, it just clicked into place.”

He nodded slowly, eyes searching mine. I wasn’t sure what for; if he expected some sign that I was alright and not fragmented into tiny pieces, he wouldn’t find it. I was fractured and raw, and my wretched, selfish heart felt traitorous for still beating. When he stayed silent, watching me with a broken expression, I wanted to tell him anything I could to make him feel close to Elora. To his daughter. If Rain couldn’t forgive me, at least he would still have her.

“Her smile. I always saw you in her smile, and I always thought it was just because I was busy looking for you.”

He made a sound in his throat, almost like choking, and then there were more tears rolling down his cheeks. I couldn’t handle seeing him in so much pain, and I reached up, brushing them away before I cupped his face in my hands. It was all my fault.

“I’m so sorry, Rain. I wish—Oh, gods. I kept her from you, and I didn’t mean to! Rain, please—” I broke off, words failing me as shuddering tears moved through my body. He pulled me against his chest, placing me in his lap, and we cried together in each other's arms, my heaving gasps in total opposition to his quiet, silent tears that landed in my hair. As my tears slowed, I kept whispering my apologies, begging him to forgive me.

He stroked my hair and held me tighter while I wrapped my arms around him. “I know. I know, dear heart. Shh, please don’t cry.”

We sat there until the storm outside stopped, and we were in complete silence. Rain had murmured to me, shushing me as I cried in his lap. Truly, I’d never been more selfish in my sorrow; I should have been the one comforting him. He gazed down at me with a calmness I wasn’t sure I could possibly be capable of before he spoke.

“Well, maybe it wasmyblood that made her bite the mercenary’s ear off.” He offered me a small smile, and I stared at him a moment before I let out a loud snort. I started crying again, laughter dulling the pain. Tears of joy mingled with regret and heartbreak.

“Maybe it was. You did cut off a tongue tonight." I inhaled, wiping my face free from tears yet again as I sat up, twining my arms around Rain’s neck before meeting his eyes, face solemn. “Please forgive me, Rainier. I would never have kept her from you if I knew.”

“There is nothing to forgive.” He brushed his lips over mine before pulling away, pressing our foreheads together instead. “She was mine the moment you said yes. All this means is that she's been mine all along. Thank you for taking care of her for me, all this time.”

My sharp inhale caught me off guard. "Don't thank me. I—don't thank me. You missed so much of her life, and it’s all my fault.”

“No, it’sourfault. We both could have done so many things differently. And it doesn’t matter. You’re the one who has raised her, so I know Elora is good and kind and brave. You took good care of her, Em. I already felt like I knew her because I know you. And now, I know part of me is within her. I could have missed so much more, but now I have a chance to be her father. I suppose I should be thanking Faxon for letting this happen.”

I laid my head against his chest, listening to the steady heartbeat. I knew it was a jest, that he wouldn’t truly want her in the hands of the Folterrans, but there was truth to it. If she hadn’t been taken, we never would have known. He never would have had a chance. She wouldn’t have known this beautiful, generous, kind man as her father, better than anything Faxon could have ever dreamt of being. He and I would never have had this chance: to try again, to love again, to begin again.

Eventually, we moved to the bed, comforting each other with our lips and bodies, making sure we knew how the other felt without words. We had a long road of realization ahead of us, and we'd weather it together. I wouldn’t let myself think about what would change if I was the Beloved. As for what would change with Elora, I found myself not sure much would change at all. Rain would have treated her as his own no matter what. He would have been adamant about getting to know her and having a friendship with her, and he would have loved her. That didn’t change because we realized the truth. I wondered if she knew, if Faxon had told her, or if it had been made clear to the Folterrans. Based on my conversations with her in the illusion, I wondered if she suspected. All of her questions about Rain had been more than curiosity on behalf of Faxon’s pride. I finally tired, my body pressed against Rain, against my husband. As I fell asleep, I felt myself smiling softly, realizing I’d had a piece of him all these years and never knew it.

Wewokebeforedawn,preparing to finish our ritual by partaking in the Soul ceremony. We barely spoke on anything important, just cautiously existing in the other’s orbit. After the emotional undressing we’d done the night before, both of us were raw, and we carried it in our countenance, both of us afraid to hurt the other or bring up things we couldn’t quite handle in the moment. Dressed for travel and ready to rift to Lamera, we planned to get breakfast from the kitchens before we left. Upon opening the door to leave, we were surprised by a Myriad novice, waiting in the alcove across the hall, clearly having slept there the entire night. They were waiting for us to prove our divinity had been shared.

The novice sat up, and Rain slammed the door shut, bringing us both back into his rooms before turning to me, panic in his voice.

“Shit, we didn’t even—”

“We both did last night. It’s alright.”

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