Page 28 of Between Wrath and Mercy

He unbuckled the scabbard he was wearing and gently placed it on the floor. I watched him, taking in the man he’d turned into. It was strange to see him so much older. It was something akin to reading your favorite childhood book as an adult. There was a comfort in the familiarity, and yet a different appreciation for things gone unnoticed before. He walked past the foot of the bed to the chair by the window, moving with a feline grace. He’d been trained in all manner of skills, including stealth, and his movements were proof he retained the mastery. Turned slightly away from me, he unbuttoned his shirt, and a sliver of moonlight moved across his back. He sat down in the chair and removed his boots. I realized he had been keeping watch, likely where Dewalt was now. Having only traveled with the prince once, to participate in the Summer Solstice event in Ardian, it was easy for me to forget what it was like—always prepared against a potential threat. He leaned back in the chair, hands behind his head and limbs outstretched, bare heels propped on the ground. My eyes followed the long line of his legs. Though he had breeches on, I could tell he was more muscular than the man I remembered. My eyes traced up the strip of bare stomach and chest, muscles taut in his stretch. He was so different but so much the same. I wondered if he thought about me that way. Did he notice all the ways I’d changed? My gaze lifted to his face and found him looking back at me. Instinctively, I shut my eyes tight.

“You awake, Em?” He spoke quietly, almost seductive.

“I just woke up and thought you might want a blanket,” I lied.

“No, I’m warm enough. A pillow would be nice, though.” I could hear the smile in his voice. Grabbing one of the pillows I’d been sleeping on, I tossed it at his face. I regretted it within the same instant as I heard a thump on the ground and realized I’d knocked the conch shell off my nightstand.

“Hey now, don’t start something you can’t finish.” I smiled despite myself as I climbed out of bed.

“Sorry about the pants.” I stopped and looked down, not sure what he meant when I saw my pants on and intact. “I know wearing them to bed isn’t your preference, but I thought you’d be more mad if I removed them.” He shot me a wolfish grin.

I huffed a laugh. “You were right.” I lowered myself to the floor as I bent over.

“What are you doing?” I heard the amusement in his voice.

“Trying to find the shell I just knocked off the nightstand.”

“Do you want me to open the curtain more?”

“Sure.” I was on my hands and knees reaching underneath the bed, tracing my fingertips over the floor. I knew the light of the moon wouldn’t be much, but it would be better than nothing. When the curtain opened, silver light spilling over the floor, I lowered myself down to search under the bed instead of just reaching blindly. I froze when I heard a small grunt behind me.

I sat up, still on my knees, and turned to look over my shoulder. Rainier was still seated in his chair, but his eyes were on me. I couldn’t read his expression in the dim moonlight, so I cocked my head to the side in question. He didn’t reply. “It’s rude to stare.” I bent back down, continuing in my search. I was oddly attached to the shell Rainier had bought for me, and I wanted to put it safely in my pack.

“Oh, that’s rich. You’re allowed to look at me all you want, but I’m not allowed to look at you?” His quiet words sent my heart racing.

I slowly sat up and eyed him over my shoulder. Surely, I misunderstood what he meant. My eyes met his, moonlight illuminating the side of his face, and I saw something in them I hadn’t seen from anyone in a long time, let alone him. I watched his gaze trace hungrily down my body, stalling over my backside. I felt my pulse quicken, and I couldn’t help myself as I reached out, listening to his fast heartbeat. A part of me felt triumphant, knowing I was having an effect on him, as he was on me.

So, I did it again.

Bending back over, I resumed my search, only half looking for the shell at this point. I didn’t know why I did it, maybe to torture him like he’d been torturing me, or perhaps because it felt good to know he still found me appealing after all these years. I heard a long, slow exhale of breath behind me and knew I’d accomplished something. But why did I want to? Spreading my arm wide under the bed, my fingertips brushed up against something cool and smooth.

“Yes!” I whispered in satisfaction as I found the shell and sat up. I heard a disappointed noise come from Rainier as I stood up and took it over to my pack in the corner. I turned to the window Rainier sat in front of, reaching past him to pull the curtains closed. He was relaxed back in the chair, his legs outstretched and hands clasped across his stomach, the strip of skin from his open shirt visible in the moonlight. I didn’t bother stopping my eyes from their sweep down his body as he watched me, able to tell exactly what I was doing.

“You just look so different. It’s strange, almost like you’re a completely different person. Your muscles have muscles now.” I felt embarrassed at the admission, but at the same time proud of myself for being honest. “I’ll try to stop, since it bothers you.”

He let out a huff of laughter. As I turned back to the bed, he lightly grabbed my wrist.

“I never said it bothered me. You look quite different, too.” I watched him as his eyes searched mine, the moonlight hitting my arm where his hand held my wrist. “You’re somehow more beautiful now.” I felt my breath hitch at his words, and I averted my gaze, lightly tugging my wrist out of his hand before I returned to the bed.

“Goodnight, Rainier.” I laid back onto my single pillow, significantly less comfortable than two.

“Goodnight, Emmeline.” I heard stirring and peeked up to see him completely remove his shirt. Even when his eyes caught mine, I didn’t look away.

I’dpushedmybackagainst the wall of the cave, and water was coming up past my knees. Shaking from cold or fear, I wasn’t sure, I began to wonder if I should just give in to the water. It wouldn’t be too difficult to just sit down and lay in it. I wondered if I’d freeze to death first or drown. Would I be able to stop myself from treading water or would my reflexes fight my death? Would anyone find my body before I was nothing but bones?

I realized then, almost reluctantly, that Rain would find me long before my body decayed, but too late to do anything about it. He’d search every cave until he found my bloated corpse. I hoped he wouldn’t blame himself, although this was entirely his fault. It wasn’t his job to keep me safe. In fact, it was his job to keep Lucia safe. I couldn’t think about her right now. She’d collapsed, and Rain had haphazardly tossed me through a rift. He would have rushed to her side and helped her escape the cloud of…vipers. My healing abilities were no match for large injuries, but surely, I could be of some use, at least until a true healer could get to us. But I was of no use in this cave and would be of no use in general soon.

For some reason, I was completely calm as the water slowly rose halfway up my thigh. I was wearing my favorite dress. I couldn’t see it in the dark, but I could feel the bottom of it floating around me. It was blue-grey linen which matched my eyes. It was simple, but it accented the curves of my body in a way I appreciated. Lucia had a matching dress in crimson. Mother loved when we wore them at the same time. “Fire and ice, my darlings,” which of course I hated, but Lucia loved. My mother had always been closer to my sister than she was to me. Lucia loved the political intrigue which accompanied being betrothed to the Crown Prince. She loved to dress in the exquisite gowns and charm everyone. It wasn’t the dresses I hated though. It was the fact I would never shine as bright as her, something everyone accepted and didn’t question. Except Rain.

As if prompted by my thoughts of him, I felt a dull hurt between my legs. Even though he’d been more gentle than I could ever imagine, and it only lasted a moment before we had to stop, the ache remained. At least the cold water did something to numb the pain, though it did nothing to soften what he’d said. Gods, it was pathetic that I was on the edge of drowning, and yet embarrassment was going to be one of my final emotions. I really was stupid enough to think he was going to tell me he loved me, and then he’d done the opposite. What a fool I’d been. One good thing about letting myself die meant I’d never have to talk about it.

The water had come to rest at my shoulders, and my feet were numb. I realized my body might not be able to fight, whether I wanted to or not. I began to jump up and down in the water in an attempt to warm myself. Images of fires and Lucia’s warm light flickered behind my eyes. Coals in the kitchen when the servants baked. Oh, warm stew in my stomach. A warm hand on my stomach, warm lips on my bare shoulder. A warm body pressed into mine. Blood rushing through my veins, my heart pounding. His heart pounding.

Wait.

I splashed myself in the face with water. I’d lost my mind, and I was freezing. I wasn’t hearing anything. That didn’t stop me from reaching out again.

There it was. A faint heartbeat, and it was sprinting.

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