Page 35 of Between Wrath and Mercy

Dewalt was sitting across the fire from me. He looked like something out of a children’s story about a warrior of old. His arms were crossed, and the corded muscles were particularly visible in the firelight. The tunic he wore had no sleeves, and his bicep had a tattoo on it, something he didn’t have all those years ago. It was a pattern of lines circling his arm in varying thicknesses. I’d have to ask him what it meant. The look on his face told me now was not the time. The fire flickered in his eyes. His long, black hair was hanging down either side of his face, and he seemed drawn in by the red and orange licks of flame before him. He didn’t look up as he spoke.

“Did you ever see us in your future?”

I paused. I’d barely thought about the future, but no. I didn’t ever see them in it.

“Actually, when she asked me what I planned to do after Elora reached her full divinity, I had no idea. I guessed I’d go to Ravemont with Faxon.” I blew air out between my lips then, a sound which showed my disdain for the idea. “But no, I didn’t predict any of this.”

“Would you have ever come back if you didn’t need our help?” All the warmth in Dewalt’s voice was missing.

I studied my hands in my lap. I didn’t know what to say.

“It’s alright.” Lavenia reached over and patted my hand. She had always been so kind—to everyone. Even if they didn’t deserve the kindness.

“You should come with us—after. You should stay.” Rainier’s voice was quiet. He was watching me, eyes lit up by the fire and something I didn’t want to put a name to. His words caught me off guard, and I chose not to think about them too much.

“Where, Crown Cottage? No, thank you.” I shuddered.

“There, the capital, the Cascade—you’d be welcome at all of them.” I glanced at Lavenia, who nodded in agreement. Rainier’s gaze had stayed on me. He’d been around me for barely more than two days, and he was already offering me to accompany his court. I couldn’t let myself think about what that might mean. If it meant anything at all.

“I don’t think I could ever go to Crown Cottage again.” I exhaled a thin breath.

“I thought that too, Emma. But I was wrong, and I’m glad for it.” Lavenia’s voice dipped low and quiet. “They took so much, but I wouldn’t—won’t—let them take the good things. The olive grove, the weeping willow, the meadow, I won’t let them have it.”

No one had ever told me what happened after Rainier sent me through the rift that night. When he brought me back, Lucia’s body had already been retrieved. The same healer who came to see if there was anything to be done for my sister tended to my side where the dagger had pierced my skin. She worked as I stared at the sheet-covered body on the chaise next to me. I would wonder for years why it hadn’t been my mother to tend my wounds. I didn’t see anyone else until the burial the next day. I had no idea what happened in her final moments, how the others had survived. I felt like this was a decent enough time to ask them, to find out what I’d wondered for all these years.

“What—” I cleared my throat. “What happened that night after you rifted me?” My eyes found Rainier. He’d been the one to remove me, so he could be the one to explain it. He hadn’t tried back then, and I hadn’t asked. I hadn’t wanted to know. The fire danced in his eyes, but I could feel the weight of the sadness behind them. In my periphery, I saw Dewalt lean forward, elbows to knees, across the fire from me, and I felt Lavenia stiffen.

“Please. I need to know. I—No one ever told me.” I swallowed, trying to keep my voice from wavering. Dewalt surprised me by being the first to speak.

“When Lucia used her light to take down the soldiers surrounding you both, I was across the field, still weaving against the soldiers near me.” In addition to the impulse Dewalt could send, if he was able to touch someone, he could create visions in their head, weave a sort of illusion. He could make them think their friend was the enemy, make them run in fear from a threat. The only downfall was the necessary physical contact. He was always the one to train me since he was used to fighting in close quarters. “When I saw the flare, I started running to her.” I heard his voice break, still emotional about it all these years later.

Rainier spoke next, eyeing his friend cautiously.

“I was running to catch up with you both. I was behind you when she shoved you. I saw you hit the ground, opened the rift, and tossed you through it.” He had the decency to cringe when he said it. “You saw her fall. When she did, she never got up.”

“Was she awake?” I had heard the scream before she fell. Saw the vipers forming around her, twining up her body.

“I got to her first. She wasn’t breathing,” Lavenia inhaled deeply. “When he called his shadows back, they…they came pouring out of her body. She opened her eyes for a second, but she never spoke. I—I stayed with her.” Lavenia’s voice was quiet, strained. I refused to look at her, knowing I’d see tears in her eyes. I couldn’t do that yet. Instead, I reached my hand out to her, and she held it.

“He was on the outcropping you both were running toward—King Dryul. Not one of his minions or his son or anyone else, it washim. It was why the soldiers were chasing you, pushing you both toward him. I was exhausted, but I tried to pull the trees to him, to hit him or kill him, I don’t know. It was useless. But he called his shadows back and vanished, right as I sent the trees flying at him. He just . . . did what he came to do and then left.” Rainier drew a breath. “I ran to Lucia to see if I could do anything, but—”

“But she was gone, Emma.” Lavenia squeezed my hand.

“And Dewalt,” He glanced at his best friend then, pausing a second before continuing. Rainier’s eyes were full of devastation as he watched the man. “Dewalt was screaming for you, to see if you could do anything, but I’d already rifted you.” Rainier had one elbow down on his knee, and his head was in his hand.

“So, I rifted to the cavern then, but you weren’t there.” I hadn’t realized he’d started looking for me so soon after he’d put me there. The cave system must have been huge, since he didn’t find me for hours, and I didn’t hear his heartbeat until right before he found me.

“While he looked for you, I found survivors. Dewalt—” Lavenia glanced at her bonded partner, the man she’d chosen to spend her life with, and sorrow flooded her features. “Dewalt stayed with her. I sent for our parents first. I don’t know if I did it right. I didn’t know what to do.” She had only been fifteen or so when it happened, and with Lucia dead, her brother searching for me, the small guard stationed there decimated, she had to make some tough decisions.

“I’m sure you did everything the right way, Ven. Thank you.” My voice came out quieter than expected. Calmer. This was their trauma too, and I was asking them to relive it for me, for my closure. And they were willing to do it to help me.

Rainier was watching me carefully. I wasn’t sure if he was afraid I was going to break down or not, but I felt his gaze on me as I glanced at Dewalt across the fire, his expression still cold and lifeless. I didn’t have words to thank them for what they were telling me, for helping me find closure. Maybe I would one day.

“When your parents got there, you weren’t back yet. None of us knew where you were. I didn’t know Rainier had rifted you, just that he left. For those few hours we weren’t sure if we lost you too. Or even Rainier.” Lavenia let out a sigh. “We just waited.”

I didn’t know that. I pictured my mother, thrown across Lucia, and my father pacing. Waiting, wondering if I was dead too. I thought about the hell they’d have felt if that were the case, if both of their children were dead in one fell swoop. I imagined their lives wouldn’t be much different than the ones they lived anyway with me alive. I did die that day, just not in the same way Lucia did. I died, and I was reborn a timid, cowardly creature who ran and hid.

Rainier sighed, head down, running a hand over his scalp. “I didn’t know what I did—where I sent you. I’d been shooting for the cavern. I knew you’d probably start trying to run back to us, so I went to search the beach, but saw no footprints in the sand. Then I went into the back of the cave, trying to find you, but I reached a dead end, and you weren’t there, so I started exploring. I was searching for hours. And the longer it took, the more panicked I became. You know how it worked back then, any sort of stress and my aim was off. And I couldn’t pinpoint where I was going at all, I was just bumbling along trying to find you. I walked and ran a lot of the paths between rifting. One of the times I rifted into a flooded cave. I tried to send the water down, push it out. But it was too much, and I was too weak—from the battle, from rifting, from all of it. I barely had enough strength to rift back out so I could breathe. I had to rest for a while after, in a cave where the water was only up to my thighs. But then I finally heard you.” Rainier lifted his head, his eyes immediately finding my own. They were shimmering, and I wondered if I’d asked for too much in having him tell me this story.

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