Page 37 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“Give me a minute.” I smiled, pulling my hair out of its braid and rubbing my scalp where my hair had caused tension. When I was done, I crawled out of the tent, noticing Dewalt and Rainier leaned in close to each other. It appeared as if they were arguing. Dewalt turned and caught my eye, nodding at me. Feeling like I’d been caught doing something wrong, I scurried into the tent with Lavenia.

She pulled her blanket up, and I crawled in next to her, ready for the warmth. I had accidentally left my cloak, and I was already freezing from the few steps over to her tent. Lavenia instantly started chattering about anything and everything—soldiers from the guard who I’d known and what they were doing now, members of the older families from the western side of Vesta who had ruled her stories every spring when they came back to Ravemont. It made my heart happy to know so many of the soldiers had married and created families, most of them still members of Rainier’s guard. But I couldn’t stop myself from asking about the families of those I knew had died the same day as my sister—I hadn’t forgotten them. Eventually, she started to tell me about some of her friends at court, and I gladly listened. I was sore and tired and needed to rest, but her stories were keeping me distracted, allowing me to relax without being sucked into my own thoughts and worries.

“Raj is Rainier’s other captain, along with Dewalt. He’s in charge of the Cascade when we aren’t there. He was a transfer from our father’s guard a long time ago, so he’s a bit older, but he’s good. I think Rainier trusts him more than Dewalt sometimes.”

“Are there any other captains?”

“In Rainier’s forces? Just one, Brenna. You’ll meet her in Astana. She’s the most beautiful woman you will ever see,” she laughed, “and the meanest.”

“And you know this from experience?” I teased, smiling at her in the dark.

“Oh yes, lots of experience.” The tone of her voice told me all I needed to know.

“Is she among the relationships you pursue?” Lavenia chuckled before growing serious.

“She couldn’t wrap her head around the bond, it was part of why we didn’t work out.”

“I kind of understand that though, especially for a mortal.” The bond between two conduits was something even I was intimidated by. It would be difficult to be in love with a person who was bound in mind, body, and soul to someone else.

“I did too. It was why I offered to stop being with Dewalt, let his divinity fade out of my blood, let the bond break. He agreed to it, but it wasn’t enough.” She spat the last words out, angry with her former lover.

“You must have loved her quite a bit to offer to do that.” Dewalt’s powers were tremendously helpful in battle, and to give them up after ten years of use was a big sacrifice to make. Not to mention that, should the bond break, they would no longer be allowed to drink from the font. I wasn’t sure if they’d start aging normally again or how it worked, but since only bonded conduits were allowed entrance, Lavenia and Dewalt would no longer be allowed access. Brenna must have been incredibly special to Lavenia for her to offer all that.

“I did. The bitch.” Her voice quieted, the insult backed by sadness rather than anger.

“I hope you sent her an impulse after things ended.” I tried to cheer my friend up, and it worked, based on the cackle I received in return. Her laughter lightened the mood, and she changed the subject, beginning to explain all about the Cascade, down to details I didn’t truly care to hear. But I smiled. One day he would be king, in charge of the entire Vestian army, but it was still strange to hear about it now, even if I always knew it would happen eventually. The wind howled outside the tent. It was made of thick leather, keeping our heat trapped inside, with flaps at the front that could be tied together. We didn’t bother since Dewalt would eventually want in, and I’d have to go back to my tent. It kept the heat in relatively well anyway, without being tied. With the blankets, bedrolls, and body heat, we were relatively cozy. I almost dreaded going back to my own empty tent.

“It’s strange to be going to the capital. I’ve never been west of the Alsors, let alone to Astana.”

“It will be strange for all of us. The three of us haven’t been there in over a year. We bounce between the Cascade, Crown Cottage, and Nythyr mostly. Although, I suppose Nythyr will be off the table now, since you’re back.”

“He doesn’t have to stop what he’s doing in Nythyr because of me. I plan to win our match anyway. I’ll be out of the way as soon as Elora is back and the King of Bones dead.”

Lavenia rolled over, almost aggressively.

“Goddess, help me. Dewalt told me to expect little when I talked to you, but this defies expectation. We went to Nythyrbecauseof you.” Her upper lip curled in disgust. It was so unsettling on her normally kind face I blanched.

“Because of me?” I didn’t understand.

“That’s where we thought you went, remember? When you wouldn’t see him, he decided to give you space. He went to do Father’s bidding for two years. I think he figured you’d be willing to talk to him when he came back, and he needed to get his head right anyway. You wouldn’t care to know I’m sure, but he was in a bad place after everything happened.” Her brows furrowed, glaring at me. “But then we found out you went to Nythyr. It renewed something in him, and we went for the first time soon after. Every time we go, he talks to all of his contacts in the major cities, makes new ones. We spent a lot of time in Kieza, figuring the capital would have been a good place to start searching. We spent almost an entire year there the first time, and we’ve been going once a year ever since, searching for you. We just got back a couple of months ago. He goes on the anniversary.” Her face softened a bit by the end.

Dewalt had said Rainier searched for me, but I didn’t realize the extent of it. I laid there in shock, feeling the heavy weight of guilt in my stomach settle into a curled-up ball of cold nerves.

Here I was, imagining you cavorting across Nythyr this whole time, drinking all the wine and dancing at all the festivals.

I wondered if he went to the festivals and looked for me.

“You know,” Lavenia cut through the silence, “You didn’t have to strike a bargain with him. If you had just asked him, he’d have done everything to give you what you want.” I doubted it, but I didn’t tell Lavenia as much. “It’ll be nice to see you at court though.” She elbowed me in the ribs.

“Knock, knock,” Dewalt peeked his head into the tent. “May I have my bed back, Lady Emmeline?” He mocked a bow, and I snorted as I made to get out of the tent.

When I stood up, I saw Rainier still sitting at the fire, hunched over with an elbow on his knee and chin in his hand. He was staring into the fire with a look on his face that told me whatever conversation he had with Dewalt wasn’t a pleasant one. When I took a step, he turned, and his eyes found mine, expression soft.

“Hey.” His voice was quiet, and he tilted his head toward the log next to him, beckoning me to come sit. I walked quickly across, glad to be next to the fire, and sat down next to him.

“That conversation seemed intense,” I offered. I didn’t expect him to talk to me about it, but I wanted him to know I was there if he wanted to. It struck me how natural it was towantto be there for him.

“You could say that.” He let out a low chuckle before his eyes moved back to the flame before us. “Dewalt likes to remind me of things I’d rather forget.”

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