Page 38 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“What else is a second for? It’s why I don’t have one.” I gave him a small smile, and the side of his mouth quirked up, though he never broke his gaze with the fire.

“I’d wager, Em, you don’t have a second because you don’t need one. Unless you’ve been raising an army in Brambleton?” I laughed at the thought.

“Maybe you’re right. Or maybe I don’t need a second to remind me of the things I cannot forget.” I knew it was a dark thing to say. I wished I could forget so many things—it would’ve made everything so much easier. I cleared my throat, deciding to change the subject.

“Thank you for talking to me about that night. I’ve always wondered, and my nightmares filled in the gaps. Honestly, the truth is a lot easier to handle than what my subconscious made up.” I didn’t know why I offered the information to him, but it was true. It sounded like she’d gone more peacefully than I’d ever imagined.

“I still have nightmares, too. Rare anymore, though.”

“Mine were rare too, until the last few days.” The stress had made them almost a nightly occurrence.

“You had one last night, didn’t you?”

“How did you know?” He let out a huff, almost a chuckle.

“You were talking. You kept saying ‘you found me.’” There was no judgment in his tone, only a hint of concern. “I almost woke you, but you quieted soon after, so I let you sleep.”

“I’m sorry I disturbed you. I hadn’t dreamed about the caves in years. The cellar must have done a number on me.” I let out a shaky laugh.

“You didn’t bother me; I wasn’t sleeping yet. I’ve been in my head a lot since you got here.” He stared into the fire, not looking at me. I didn’t know what to say. “So, the panic in the cellar?”

“I—it was the water. And being underground.” Although I’d never hesitated to blame him before, I wasn’t sure it fit anymore. After all the admissions and the emotion in his voice, I didn’t want to make him feel guilty when he acted on impulse trying to protect me.

“When I bumped into you in the closet and you elbowed me, I figured it wasn’t just out of spite. There had to have been more to it.” With his gaze still on the fire, it almost seemed like he was talking to himself more than he was talking to me.

“Sorry. It wasn’t intentional.”

“I know. I’m sorry you have to deal with all of that because of what I did.” Peering over at me, his eyes were still burning even though he’d torn them away from the fire.

“It’s because of the caves, not because of you.” I’d never made the distinction before. The separation. We sat there in silence for a while, both of us lost in thought.

“You should sleep. Another long day tomorrow.” He nodded toward the tent, far enough from the fire that I shuddered at the thought of walking over to it. He chuckled.

“Here, take it.” He pulled his cloak off and held it out to me. “I don’t need it with the fire.” I hesitated a moment before I took it and wrapped it around me, inhaling his clean, earthy scent deeply before I caught myself, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

“Thank you.” He nodded as I ran off to the tent as quickly as I could. I climbed into it and kept his cloak on me while I rolled up in the bedroll. The fresh petrichor scent on his cloak was tinged with a bit of smoke, but it was purely Rainier. I allowed myself to breathe deep. I got so distracted with my conversation about nightmares at the fire, I hadn’t had a chance to think about what Lavenia had said. He’d gone to Nythyr once a year this entire time? For me? I wondered what he would have done if he had found me. Tried to get me to come back to Ravemont? To court? I wondered if he would have been able to convince me.

Would he have been willing to help me protect my daughter and still keep her secret from the Myriad? I hoped the news of Elora disrupting the Crown Prince’s plans hadn’t been shared publicly. I didn’t want anyone to know until the last possible moment. And I certainly wouldn’t let the masters do any tests on her when we got her back. I made a mental note to talk to Rainier about it. I knew I was borrowing trouble, since we hadn’t even rescued her yet, but a tiny part of me was more afraid of what they’d do and expect of her than I was of the Folterrans. They hadn’t killed her, just taken her. I didn’t know what their plans were, but I couldn’t hold back the feeling that she still wouldn’t be safe, even after we got her back. I fell asleep worrying about the punishment Elora likely received for biting someone’s ear off.

Elorawassittingcross-leggednext to me, weaving a daisy chain while she spoke about the book she’d been reading. She let out a heavy sigh and gave me a dreamy smile, dropping her hands to her lap.

“I can’t wait for someone to kiss me like that.”

“Not for a while, baby.” I put my hand on her soft cheek. Her skin was glowing, contrasting with her white hair and her mint dress. She looked like a siren from one of her stories. Radiant.

She grabbed my hand tight.

“Mama, the Folterrans are here.” Her voice was not her own, my sister speaking through my daughter in warning, her voice crueler than I remembered.

I wrenched her up from the ground, and we ran.

Elora was ahead of me, throwing blasts of light in our path, leading the way. I had a sword in my hand, and I used it with fervor. Cutting down the torso of one soldier before beheading another, whipping around to slice the throat of the next. Faceless bodies falling in a heap.

We were running, and I felt the ground empty out below me, dirt falling out from beneath my feet as I ran. I sank down, down, down into a narrow hole, pulling me deeper until my head was the only thing above ground. I didn’t know when it happened, but my hands were bound behind me, my sword gone.

I was stuck, but she kept running.

When I saw the shadows surround her, the vipers merging and dancing around her ankles, I began to scream. She stopped running and turned to face me, her voice her own again, loud in my ear despite the distance.

---