Page 48 of Between Wrath and Mercy

I pulled my arms underneath a pillow, resting my head on it and nodded at Rainier when he looked at me for permission. I stopped breathing as he began to pull the blanket down my leg. I’d just been yelling at Lavenia about him, but here I was getting butterflies in my stomach from the man. Pathetic.

I do not want him. I do not want him.

He pulled the blanket back just enough to show the scratch, and I felt my neck and face flush as he tugged my shirt down. Clearly, I had not been as successful in covering myself this time. The scratches were longer than I thought. He took the cloth and gently cleaned from the top of my leg, dangerously close to the swell of my backside, almost all the way down to the back of my knee. It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as my neck, but I was still glad to be treating it. I was surprised I hadn’t noticed it in the saddle, though I supposed the pain from the scratches must have melded with the soreness of being on a horse so much the past few days.

He opened the tin of salve and used one finger to gently apply it to the length of the scratches. He was careful to not touch anything other than the wounds.

“I don’t think it’s worth bandaging since it’s not bleeding.” He pulled the blanket back on top of me, resting his hand on my back afterwards. “Dewalt set up the tents for us and made an assumption. They’re sharing tonight, but you’ll be with Lavenia tomorrow.” He stood and walked over to the other side of the small desk to the pile of blankets and pillows, and I realized there was a second pallet underneath them. I felt stupid for not realizing I’d be sharing this tent. It was too huge to only be mine.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I can sleep somewhere else.” I could find another tent; I didn’t want to intrude, and I doubted he wanted to be around me. He let out a long-suffering sigh, annoyed.

“Do you want to sleep somewhere else?” He sounded tired. Which it was very likely he was, considering he didn’t sleep the entire trip today as I had.

“I—Not particularly.” I was rather comfortable where I was.

“Then it’s fine. Goodnight, Emmeline.” He turned back to his pallet and started to unbutton his shirt. I’d have to move and turn my head the other way to avoid watching him, and, even though I told myself it was because of my neck injury, I knew in the back of my head that wasn’t why I stayed still. Once his shirt was off, I saw the latticework of marks across his back. The light skin of the scars contrasted against the rich golden-brown underneath, and I found myself once again wanting to know the history of each injury. How he got each one and what he did to the person who gave them to him. I cleared my throat.

“Goodnight.” He turned, giving me a glimpse of the side of his body, and I did everything I could to maintain eye contact. “Thank you for cleaning my leg.” He nodded, then put a lid on the brazier and blew out the lamp before climbing into his pallet.

Plunged into darkness and silence, I let myself think, decidedly not about the man who lay mere meters away from me. Instead, I thought about Elora and her life. I wondered if we could have kept her hidden at Ravemont without the Myriad ever finding out or if we could have kept them away. I wondered what would have happened if I didn’t cut Rainier off and married Faxon anyway. If he still would’ve been a part of my life while I cared for Faxon’s baby. I wasn’t sure what I wanted the answer to be, not that it mattered. None of the past mattered anymore. What mattered was finding Elora, destroying Faxon, and hopefully killing the King of Bones. After, I’d let the gods decide. I couldn’t let myself think of the future like that, with the most important part of that future being forcefully separated from me. I laid there for a while, tossing and turning despite my neck, listening to Rainier’s breathing grow deep and consistent.

Finally, almost in desperation, I reached out and listened to his heart. It was slow and steady, and I felt myself counting the beats, remembering the nights I’d counted his heartbeats all those years ago.

Chapter 17

Iwokeshortlybeforedawn. I turned my head a bit and didn’t feel any pain from my neck. It was strange; I’d gone from bleeding out and Lavenia thinking I needed stitches, to barely any pain within a day. The bubbling solution she’d used, however awful it felt, must have worked wonders. Rainier was still asleep, his back turned toward me and the blanket around his waist. I took a moment to appreciate the smooth swells of muscle in his shoulders before I turned to my bag on the floor, putting on a fresh pair of breeches. I was soon to run out of clothing, but I wasn’t about to put the pants with onaán blood all over them back on. The scratches on my leg didn’t hurt at all, thanks to the salve still sitting on the desk. I tucked my shirt in and was starting to braid my hair when Rainier stirred on his pallet.

“We are going to have to get you some new clothes in Astana.” His voice was low, still groggy with sleep.

“Oh? Why is that?” I kept braiding my hair.

“The styles from the capital are much more comfortable.” He rolled onto his back, an arm behind his head. I tried not to look at him. It felt too intimate to see him shirtless for some reason, even if I’d seen his bare torso countless times before. It felt different now.

“These are comfortable enough.”

“Do you have anything appropriate for court?” I closed my eyes, bringing up a mental inventory of my clothing. No, I had nothing that would work. My nicest dress was plain cotton, dyed blue—nothing like what the frivolities of court required. None of the nice clothes in the attic would fit me anymore, either. I supposed I could pull one down and try to take it out at the seams, but I wasn’t sure it would be enough at my hips.

“I have one dress that might work, but you’re right. I’ll need to get something so your mother will even let me in to see the king.”

“Bring the dress. It will work until Lavenia’s dressmaker can make you a few gowns.”

I nodded and finished my braid while I started calculating in my mind just how much it might cost. “I don’t have any money. I have a small purse in Brambleton I was going to grab, but not enough for something fine enough for court. I can ask my—”

“Should I be offended that you think I cannot buy you a few gowns?” I gave him a sheepish smile as he watched me with a fondness in his eyes that made me look away.

“I can’t accept that, Rain.” I walked over to the desk and gathered the supplies from Lavenia and shoved them all into my pack.

“You can, and you will.” The way he said it told me arguing would be futile, so I chose silence instead. I carefully peeled the bandage off my neck and bent over the pallet of the infuriating man who didn’t know how to take no for an answer.

“How does it look?” He pulled his arm out from under his head and reached his fingertips to the wound, his eyes widening.

“It’s gone. I mean, it’s red, but…” My hand shot up to my neck, knocking his finger out of the way, feeling for the skin that surely should still be sliced, and only found smooth flesh. Sore, but smooth.

“What? How?” I had no idea how it had healed so fast. Rainier sat up at my alarm, the blanket falling away from his chest.

“Your divinity?”

“It has to be, right?”

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