Page 55 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have done something.” I hoped Clyde was not among the fallen horses. He’d earned a place in my heart by staying calm when I needed him to.

“What could you have done? You were spent by the time you finished with the soldiers." He whirled to face me, his expression a challenge, jaw tight and brows lowered. He was right. I had nothing left,stillhad nothing left. The normal light thrum of my divinity was gone, reduced to the barest hint.

“Clyde?” I sounded pitiful, but for some reason the safety of that one horse felt like it could break me.

“That’s what I came to talk to you about. Would you mind sharing him with me today? The old beast was on the other side of the trench.” That crooked smile lit up his face, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

“He jumped it?” I was incredulous.

“Sure did. I fixed the trench before bringing him back; I didn’t want to tempt fate twice.” He laughed and walked over to me, his boots crunching the ground below him. “So, you’ll share?” He was close enough I needed to look up to speak to him, but my eyes couldn’t get past his lips. Based on the way the corners of his mouth lifted, he noticed my struggle.

“Yes, we can share.” I almost whispered it and stepped back, focusing on pulling up my shirt to check my arm.

“That color suits you.” Rainier took a step forward, closing the distance I’d just made, and started rolling up my sleeve in a much more practical manner than I had. When the shirt was rolled up, I peeled the bandage back and found nothing more than scrapes already scabbed over—I’d healed quite a bit in my sleep. Rainier moved to grab our packs, and I began to braid my hair again, wincing a bit thanks to the headache I still had, however mild it had become.

“You should leave it loose.”

“What?”

“Your hair.”

I laughed, surprised he had an opinion on my hair. “You’ll change your mind when it’s whipping into your face the rest of the day.”

“I won’t. Leave it down.” Something about the way he said it made me pause.

“Fine, let’s see how long you last before you beg me to braid it.” Based on the breeze that ruffled the tent, I didn’t think he’d last long. His answering grin told me he’d bear with it, just for the satisfaction of winning.

Withinthehour,thecamp had been packed up, and after giving Clyde some extra special pats and an apple, I was seated on the horse, waiting for Rainier to finish speaking to Dewalt and Thyra. I wondered if I could convince him to leave me Clyde in exchange for one of the horses I’d gained in my stable in the last week. It would be a good trade for him. I stared ahead at the horizon, wondering how much longer it would be until I had my child back in my arms. I’d known she was missing for five days now, and it had been almost two weeks since I saw her last. It felt like a lifetime. I tried not to think about how much longer we had to go. The trip from Brambleton to Astana would easily take a week. Going through the mountains was treacherous, especially this close to the winter months. And then once we arrived, Rainier would have to convince King Soren to make a move on Darkhold or, at least, render control of more of his army to Rainier. If they chose to negotiate instead, it could be months before I saw my daughter again. I took a deep breath, and it caught in my throat. My headache was still there, and I was feeling queasy on top of the exhaustion still clinging to my bones. I’d barely rested after the attack, but the urge to move was taking over. I needed to leave, move toward the destination that got me back to Elora.

I watched Rainier, still deep in conversation with Thyra and Dewalt, likely discussing where we’d make camp once we reached Brambleton. He had asked if I had enough land for the soldiers, and I’d told him I did, but my home was out of the way, and I wouldn’t want them to have to backtrack. He didn’t mind, insisting to accompany me to deal with whatever fallout was left at my home. The guard would make camp in a field on the other side of the stream that ran through the southern portion of my property, and tomorrow would be spent going into Brambleton to replenish supplies and give the horses a day of rest. I stared at the back of his head, willing him to turn and look at me. I wanted to leave. Finally, after a few long moments, the three of them dispersed, and Rainier met my gaze. He didn’t stumble, but I could tell he was taken aback to find me staring. He didn’t give me any sort of smile as he approached and climbed up behind me. Letting out one of his whistles, he urged Clyde to walk.

“What have I done now?” There was worry in his voice as if I was angry with him rather than just eager to leave.

“I don’t know, Rain. Whathaveyou done?” I chided, and it coaxed a laugh out of him. I felt his body shake as he put one arm around me, grasping the reins, and placed his other hand on my hip. I was conscious this time, so the threat of falling off the horse was not there. I let him keep his hand on me anyway, not minding the contact.

“You were staring at me like I was in trouble. I’m quite familiar with the look, you know.” I could hear the sly smile in his voice.

“No, I was just eager to leave.” I paused, debating to tell him where my mind had gone before deciding to share. “I—When I’m still for too long, my mind wanders.”

He made a small sound low in his throat, understanding what I meant. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think I can.” I’d start to spiral and wouldn’t be able to stop.

“I’m here if that changes.” He squeezed my hip, and every ounce of my attention went to where his hand was on me.

“Thank you.” I put my hand on his knee and squeezed back.

Chapter 20

Tohiscredit,Rainierdid not once complain about my hair blowing into his face. Though, to be fair, I eventually put my hood up and leaned back into him for a nap, keeping my hair out of his face for him. I was still exhausted although my headache had finally eased enough to be manageable. I woke up when we finally came to the crossroads of Brambleton, the noises of the town louder than I ever remembered. There were countless people gathered on the streets when they realized the Crown Prince was in their midst, the guard ruining any hopes of anonymity. We turned east toward my home, and as we drew alongside the inhabitants of the town, I pulled my hood down lower and attempted to hide from view. I wasn’t sure if it was out of habit to lie low or something else, but Rainier noticed.

“How many of them know you’re the one who helps their healer?” His breath was warm on my ear, and he had to feel my shudder at his proximity.

“The ones who know have never acted like they do. Mairin is pretty strict about respecting my wishes.”

“Will we meet this Mairin?”

“I expect you will. Oh, gods.” I hadn’t considered the full extent of the conversations I was about to have with not only Mairin but probably Theo and his mother as well. They deserved to know everything, but I was not eager for the repercussions. “She is going to be mad.”

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