Page 61 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“She was in love with someone, Em. She didn’t want to marry me. She didn’t want to do the ritual with me.”

“You’re lying.” If Lucia had been in love, she would have told me.

“I’m not.” He shook his head. “A week before I took you to the cavern, I talked to her. She knew about us.”

“She knew?” I had told her it was only flirting, nothing more. How could I confess to her my feelings for the man she would be bonded to for centuries? The man she could come to love one day. The man she would share her life with after I was long dead and buried, having never performed the ritual, never been granted access to the font.

“Yes, Em, she knew everything. Hell, she knew before we did.”

I took a deep gulp of my water, holding the glass tightly in my hand. I’d spent almost half my life thinking my sister died hating me, thinking I’d betrayed her. I knew she didn’t love Rainier, not in that way at least, but she’d always seemed eager to be a princess, to share his power. Maybe she had only been showing me what she showed everyone else. Maybe she’d been making the best of a situation she didn’t want. Finding out she was in love with someone—that she wanted to call it all off? My sister, who told me everything, hadn’t told me, but she’d told Rainier? Though, I supposed I’d been keeping secrets of my own.

“But she seemed so angry when she saw us that night.”

“Well, I don’t think she expected what she saw.” The smile he gave me was sheepish, and I swore I saw his cheeks darken. “But I imagine, based on my conversation with her, she was a bit angry you hadn’t told her yet, and she’d heard it from me instead.”

Honestly, it made sense. Of course, she’d be mad it wasn’t me who told her. And I never had a chance to speak with her about it, to set things straight.

“You should have told me she knew.”

“Yes, I should have. There are a lot of things I should have done differently, Em.” He stared at me hard, and I averted my eyes.

“Who?”

“Who, what?”

“Who was she in love with?” There were countless soldiers there every summer and servants galore. Maybe she hadn’t told me out of shame. I wished she would have known I wouldn’t have cared who she was in love with. She could have told me. We could have commiserated over falling for people we couldn’t have. I didn’t know why, but my confusion and grasping had turned into something different. I was angry. Angry at my sister for keeping secrets. Angry at her for being dead, so I couldn’t yell at her. Angry I’d been so hard on myself for so long. Just…angry.

“I—Em, that’s not my place to say.”

“She’s dead, Rain. She’s not going to be mad at you.” My dead sister wouldn’t be mad if he answered, but I would be if he didn’t.

“We can talk about this tomorrow, the four of us.”

“Four of us?”

“Lavenia and Dewalt. They knew.”

“Am I the only one who didn’t know?” I half-shouted, remembering them sleeping upstairs. I had thought for so long that Lucia had been angry at me, that she felt betrayed over Rainier. The look she gave me that night had haunted me for years. Yet she had told our three friends about her secret before she ever told me? It was odd to feel anything other than grief and sadness over my sister, the hot frustration having no outlet, no one for me to yell and take it out on.

“This is not the direction this conversation was supposed to go.” Rainer stood, approaching me from the other side of the table. Someone had lit a candle, and the flicker of light across his skin was mesmerizing. Taut muscles flexed under glowing skin, and I noticed a dusting of dark hair below his navel, both serving as a distraction to my anger. I lifted my chin, dragging my eyes up his body to his face, not bothering to hide the path of my gaze.

“And how was it supposed to go, Rainier?”

“Well, I didn’t want to talk about your dead sister. It’s rather unromantic.” His mouth twitched like he was about to laugh but wouldn’t dare until I joined in. I felt the corner of my lips rise, and I pushed them back down by sheer force of will. That hot frustration with Lucia searched for an escape, but laughing at a joke at her expense was too much. Amusement glinted in his eyes. “I was supposed to tell you I was a fool. That no matter the cost, my duty should have been to myself first and then the kingdom. I was supposed to tell you I didn’t regret anything between us. The only regret I have was not figuring out the mess in my head sooner and breaking down the door at Ravemont.” I had to look away from his emerald scrutiny. It was almost too much, too intense, and I deflected.

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

He walked over to my side of the table and took my glass out of my hand before refilling it. He drank from it slowly, flicking his tongue out to catch an errant drop of water from his mouth when he finished. I felt my own lips part as I couldn’t help but stare.

“Doesn’t it, Em?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” What was there to talk about? My daughter was missing, my husband a traitor. Rainier and the past were the least of my concerns.

“Then what do you want, Emmeline?” His voice was a low challenge, and I tried to ignore the way it made my body tense.

“My daughter. I want my daughter back.”

“Ofcourse, and we’ll get her. I promise you. Especially after what we’ve learned today, I’m more confident than ever about that.” He took a step toward me, and I felt my breaths quicken. “But then what?”

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