Page 65 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“And why would one of the Nine want to kill me, Lavenia?” The feeling I’d suppressed earlier was threatening to overpower me, nausea bubbling up my throat. Now accompanying an underlying current of fear.

“She doesn’t. She won’t.” My friend shook her head, eyes dark.

“Dewalt seems to think differently.” I knew I sounded annoyed. I wished she’d just get it over with. She sighed, rubbing her temples and looking just as tired as I felt.

“He worries she will not take kindly to your relationship with Rainier.” She was stalling, and we both knew it. If she wanted to do this the long way, so be it.

“And why would my relationship—”

“They are betrothed, Emma.” At that moment, I was glad I’d heard their conversation outside. It gave my subconscious time to understand, so I was ready when my suspicions were confirmed. I almost laughed, but I stopped myself, knowing how cold and bitter it would sound. What was it about being betrothed to someone else that made Rainier want to kiss me? Though I’d asked for it, I would have thought he’d have the common sense not to do it if he was engaged to be married and bonded. To an assassin, no less. Gods. “But he’s going to talk to—” I cut her off.

“I don’t see how that has anything to do with me. Dewalt said something about others at court who might also be interested in killing me?” I stood, pulling my robe around myself and crossing over to the pile of clothes I’d brought in. Lavenia paused just long enough to confirm, yet again, my suspicions weren’t far off. “You know, I don’t want to know. As much as I tried to ignore the royal gossip, it would seem he’s earned his reputation. The others have nothing to worry about. As I’ve already said,I do not want him.” I had told myself it was only a distraction; it couldn’t ever be anything more. I had said the same to him, so why did I feel betrayed? I turned my back to her, crossing over to the window.

“That’s—” She sighed, frustrated. “What did you expect? That he’d stay celibate all these years? Did you?” More or less, yes, I had. But I didn’t tell her that. It wasn’t out of any loyalty to him. “You don’t understand.”

“Enlighten me.”

“You should be talking about this with Rainier. None of this matters. You’re his, and you’ll be protected.” I was angry that hearing his name brought me images of his hands on my skin, his tongue tracing a path of constellations across my chest, and I nearly boiled over.

“Did he sleep with her?” My voice came out embarrassingly weak. I hadn’t expected celibacy. Hell, Iknewhe hadn’t been. I expected honesty. I expected the man from last night not to be promised to someone. The nameless people at court were one thing, but the idea that he was betrothed and I was somehow party to hurting another woman didn’t sit right with me.

“I don’t make it a habit of knowing what my brother does in his bedroom, Emmeline. Like I imagine you didn’t with your sister.” She leveled a harsh stare in my direction, proving she knew the extent of what I heard. I curled my hand into a fist, my nails cutting tiny crescents of pain into my palm. “But as far as I know, they’ve never been alone together. Even if they had, it doesn’t matter. He’s claimed you.”

“He cannot claim what does not belong to him. He should have told me before.” Before he made promises in sighs and caresses, before he convinced me with his lips to soften my heart, before he held me with hands specifically created to burn every part of me. All while he was betrothed. Again. He could have told me that night in the tent when he discussed why he hadn’t seen his mother. He had spoken so poorly of political alliances it made it clear to me this betrothal was more than a move for power. After everything he’d said, why would he agree to it if it was only for an alliance?

Gods dammit. I am so stupid.

“Before what, Emma?”

“I need to get dressed.” I nodded toward the door, so Lavenia would leave. She got up, pausing at the threshold.

“He should have told you. You’re right. But give him a chance to explain.”

As I got dressed, I began to think about all the people in my life who kept secrets from me, made choices for me, did things and acted in ways that destroyed me. Doing and saying whatever they wanted to do as if I was no more than a possession to be had. Was I just someone along for the ride with men who chose not to include me in any decision-making? If I’d known about Keeva, last night wouldn’t have happened. If Rainier thought I was going to go from belonging to my father, to Faxon, and now to him, he was sorely mistaken. I would belong to no one but myself.

WhenIstormedthroughthe front door, stomping my way across the porch and down the steps, I wore my thickest breeches that still allowed movement. My hair was braided, and I wrapped it up around itself, a bun sitting on the back of my head. My plain, white shirt had the sleeves rolled up, and I’d dug out an old, leather bodice from years ago. It laced up the sides and the front, so I was still able to wear it, just not as tight as I used to. Lavenia and Dewalt were at the fire talking, the weather just crisp enough to necessitate it, storm clouds rolling in. It was after midday now, and I felt disgraced for how late I’d slept. Rainier was coming up the path atop Clyde with Thyra on another horse beside him, coming back from town, I guessed. I reminded myself I didn’t care, averting my eyes toward my destination as I saw his head turn toward me. I knew he watched as I stalked across the clearing to the stable, and I hurried my pace in case he chose to bring Clyde inside. I went to the empty stall that wasn’t remotely empty, full of random odds and ends I had to climb over. I found what I was looking for in the same place I’d left it.

I pulled my sword out of its sheath and inspected it, pleased that I’d sharpened the blade before putting it away the last time I’d used it. Even though it was old, it was still a decent weapon, the hilt simple with a tan, leather grip, faded in some places from my hand. Feeling the weight of it, I appreciated its balance. I climbed back out of the stall and stood there for just a moment, contemplating what I was about to do. I didn’t want anything to do with the frustratingly beautiful man outside, but I needed him. As much as I wanted to give him a piece of my mind and cut him off all over again, I couldn’t. Elora needed him, so I’d have to be careful about how I confronted him. Carrying the scabbard in my left hand and the sword in my right, I went back out to the clearing. Rainier was on the ground now, standing next to Clyde, while Lavenia spoke to him. His body language was tense, and I couldn’t help but notice his hand move into a fist, the muscles in his arm flexing. Dewalt was gone, and I didn’t see anyone else other than Thyra, who caught my attention and nodded, a twinkle in her eye. I wondered if she was listening to what Lavenia said, undoubtedly telling Rainier what I knew.

What I knew was he’d left me in the dark. Though it had felt like what we shared was restorative, his lips having a disarming effect on my senses, it was tainted by the knowledge she existed. What I knew was that I would not put myself in the position for him to choose duty over me once more. Some stupid and naive part of me had let him awaken that young girl within, and I didn’t think I’d survive his rejection again. He might have been content with kissing me while he was betrothed, but I would not be a mistress. The fact I’d let him touch me while I was still married was blight on my soul enough, no matter how little those vows meant to me now. No matter that Faxon broke them first with his betrayal. The thing I was most certain about was that I would not be spending two years in a court where Rainier was married and bonded to someone, specifically a woman who would want to kill me. I needed to get this over with. I threw my scabbard to the ground, the noise drawing Rainier’s attention. The expression on his face was full of regret and something like fear.

Good.

“Em—” He started toward me, and my name on his lips felt like a curse, so different from the night before. I shook my head and cut him off.

“You offered a deal, and I’m naming the time and place. Here and now.”

He stopped after closing the distance between us by half. I saw something in his face break, and I hated that it took no small amount of strength to keep me from flinching. His face was a mirror to the look he gave me all those years ago when I’d demanded first blood. Anger started to replace the feeling of guilt in my stomach. How did he have any right to be upset?

“Em, let me explain.”

“Get your sword out now, or I won’t heal you when I’m done with you.” I vaguely noted Thyra’s raised brows behind him. He still stood there with his hands at his sides, his face soft. I lifted my left arm, bent at the elbow, resting my sword on it as I faced him.

“Don’t hold back this time, Rain.” I stood there waiting, watching as his face tensed, his mouth tightening. One of his hands flexed at his side before he raised the other to his sword. I observed as his eyes changed from soft—full of what looked an awful lot like pity—to hardened flint. He squared his jaw before he spoke, voice unforgiving.

“You are so gods damn stubborn. But if you think I’m going to let you make this mistake a second time, you’re wrong.”

He pulled out his sword as he said the words, and I moved, cutting the distance between us before I struck. Lunging, I aimed for his throat, and he bent backward, evading me as I expected he would. He dodged again as I used my off hand to help pull the sword back toward him. How a man so large could move so quickly, I’d never know.

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