Page 73 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“I don’t think it would fit, but thanks anyway, Emma.” I froze for a second and then burst out laughing. He smiled at me, his eyes still glistening from the memory.

“Well, if there’s anything in here you want, feel free to take it. You loved her too.” I squeezed his hand before pulling away, and I started digging, a bit less reverently than I had been, finally reaching the winter clothing. There was a small bundle of scarves and three cloaks. The first scarf was a deep crimson red, made out of the softest wool I’d ever felt. I’d envied it back then. I decided to take it; the weather in the mountains was bound to be torturous. Dewalt reached into the pile of scarves and found a plain black one, a bit lumpy and imperfect but otherwise nondescript.

“Can I have this one? Lavenia showed me how to knit so I could make this for her that last winter solstice.”

“Of course, take it.” I thought for a minute. “You weren’t at the last solstice.” Dewalt only came to Crown Cottage during the summers. I didn’t remember him ever coming for a winter solstice celebration.

“I sent it with Lavenia. Lucia and I wrote letters back and forth after I left in the summer. It started as friendship and eventually grew into something else.”

I nodded but stayed quiet. I didn’t know they wrote to each other and was surprised I’d never seen any of the letters. For some reason, I thought what they had was brief and quick, a shooting star in the grand scheme of things, not unlike Rainier and myself. Little did I know they’d been cultivating a romance for much longer. An ache pierced my stomach, growing suddenly resentful of her. Had the two of them kissed? Made love? And she never told me? I supposed I didn’t tell her when Rainier and I had first kissed, but I was going to tell her everything if only I would have had the time. Maybe she would have done the same.

“Thank you, Emma. Truly.” I nodded as he turned to leave the room, the scarf already wrapped around his neck. “It almost smells like her.” He gave me a small smile as he left.

I looked at the cloaks spread on the bed before me: a crimson one to match the scarf I wore, one of deep sapphire blue with beautiful silver vines embroidered on it, and a thick black one with fur sewn into the lining. I put the crimson one back and the blue one on. It wasn’t Lucia’s normal taste, so I was surprised she even had it. I carried the scarf and black cloak with me. I’d appreciate it in the mountains.

Once I added the thick winter cloak to my pack, carefully so it wouldn’t burst, I inspected Bree. She seemed healthy and ready to go, having recovered from her infection. As I walked around her, a breeze blew through the clearing, and I pulled my cloak tight around me. I’d left my hair mostly down, a small pin keeping the front strands out of my face, and the wind made me realize I’d made a mistake. I climbed atop my horse, half-blind because of my hair flying everywhere and feeling awkward with my sword smacking into my thigh. I wasn’t used to it.

Rainier circled around to me, riding one of the horses I’d acquired from the mercenaries. He’d given Clyde to Mairin, who wasn’t used to riding horseback and figured the gentle steed would have been good for her. As he approached, Bree huffed at him. I wasn’t sure if it was her standard snippy attitude or if she was able to read my own emotions, but I patted her gently with a grin on my face before I turned to Rainier. He faced me, and his eyes went to my thigh and hips, where the rapidly deteriorating sword belt sat.

“You need to replace that.”

“Yes.” I matched him in rudeness.

“Your cloak looks brand new. Did you sneak off to town yesterday after you stabbed me?” He raised a brow.

“You know, we are working on an average of me stabbing you twice in a seven-day span. If you keep bringing it up, I might make it thrice.” He grinned, appreciating the challenge.

“I would hardly count what occurred back then, Emmeline.”

“Well, it was the last time I saw you before a few days ago. If we include consecutive days of me being in your presence, it counts.” He offered an exaggerated eye roll, and I forced myself to retain the scowl on my face.

“Fine. But you didn’t answer my question.” He started down the path, and I pushed Bree to follow.

“It was in Lucia’s trunk.”

“I always wondered if she ever ended up giving it to you.”

“What?”

“Remember when I tackled you and ripped your cloak? That last spring, right when we got back from Astana.” It was when I had disarmed him. I forgot he ripped the cloak I was wearing. It made sense that I forgot, it was closing in on summer, and I hardly wore a cloak after that day. “We went to a seamstress in Ardian, and I ordered it for you.” I looked down at the cloak, scouring my brain for any memory of Lucia wearing it. It wasn’t her typical color, so I would have remembered if she did. I just figured it was something that sat in her closet, unworn. “She must not have had a chance to give it to you.” The entire time he spoke, he never glanced back at me. I didn’t know how to feel about it. Truthfully, I was a bit mad at myself for letting all of her clothes just sit in a trunk in my attic. I’d taken them with me when I went to Brambleton, Faxon intending to sell them to supplement the money from Ravemont. I hadn’t allowed him to, so instead, they sat.

“Evidently not. Thank you.” He nodded but didn’t reply further.

That was the last we spoke until making camp that night, and even then, it was limited. I shared a tent with Mairin and Lavenia, who stayed up entirely too late and were content with letting me keep to myself. I was still thrilled to have a plan and be on the way to the capital and one step closer to Elora, but I felt guilty about Rainier helping me.

After realizing the cloak I wore was one he’d given me years ago, I couldn’t stop thinking about the past. Whenever my thoughts strayed toward the anxiety of the unknown with Elora, I redirected them. Somehow, they always ended up back on Rainier. If I wasn’t busy worrying about Elora and the man who held her captive, I was thinking about the one person I didn’t want to think about. I started puzzling over ways to avoid spending any time at court now that I’d lost our duel. I already knew he’d never agree to a rematch, but it wouldn’t stop my attempt to get out of it. I was afraid if I stayed, I’d break. I couldn’t watch him and hope things were differentagain. I knew now more about his reasons for breaking my heart all those years ago, but he’d conveniently kept important information from me. How was I supposed to believe he wouldn’t break my heart all over again? How could I trust him when he was off to such a poor start?

I wondered what he would say if he knew just how much our distraction had actually meant to me. If I had been honest and opened up to him, would he have told me about Keeva? It was possible he was protecting himself just as much as I was. Maybe since he thought it meant nothing to me, he didn’t have to tell me anything. I stopped myself from thinking that way. There I was again, justifying what he’d done. I shut it down. This was why I could not stay at court once we retrieved Elora. He could not be trusted, but neither could I. Sighing, I shut my eyes and vowed to end this dangerous line of thinking. Rolling over, I tried to remember the ending of Elora’s book until sleep finally claimed me.

Chapter 25

Itwasnightfallonthe third day when we reached the mountains. I’d seen them from afar for most of my life but being in the foothills of the Alsors put into perspective just how huge they were, the silver-edged cliffs cutting a stark line across the sky. There was a large outcropping which jutted out over a small lake, and we camped next to it, some of the soldiers deciding to climb up the jutting rock and take turns jumping into the water below. It was mostly the younger soldiers who braved the height and the water, and all of them were male. I shuddered at the thought of the sharp, stinging slap of the cold water. They climbed up the cliffside mostly or completely naked and jumped, arms and legs thrashing as they fell. It was a bit warmer outside than it was this morning, the sun having heated the ground all day. I’d even taken my cloak off halfway through, but I knew that water would be frigid. The sun was about to set when I heard whooping from behind me, where the daring were being reckless. Mairin, Lavenia, and I sat in a small circle around a fire sharing snacks from our packs while Dewalt and Rainier watched over their soldiers, arms crossed and laughing. I heard a particularly loud whistle, and I turned around to see what was happening.

I saw a rather tall woman climbing the rocks, completely naked. The blonde hair and braids were enough to tell me who it was. I stood up and walked over to Dewalt and Rainier, who were both watching the woman and smiling. When Thyra got to the top of the cliff, she sketched a bow for the onlookers and jumped, throwing both of her knees up into her chest and wrapping an arm around her legs, screaming the entire way down. I couldn’t help but laugh. I turned to Dewalt who stood next to me.

“You next?” I grinned. He laughed and shook his head.

I watched Thyra make her way to the shore and walk out of the shallows, taken aback for a moment by how beautiful she was. Her body was feminine, but she had the defined muscles of a warrior. It was no wonder many of the soldiers eyed her as she wrapped a cloak around her body. She saw me watching her, and I smiled. With a wolfish grin, she approached us, bypassing the fire. She walked straight up to Rainier and opened her cloak, pushing her wet body against him in a hug to which he yelped and jumped backward. I felt my stomach drop, and the tinge of jealousy came back in force. She was tall and gorgeous and had the kind of body that hadn’t known the changes of motherhood. Part of me wanted to strip and press myself against him there, to erase her naked touch. She stood back and wrapped herself up quickly, and I swore she looked at me a bit sheepishly before the mischievous glint returned to her eyes.

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