Page 80 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“I don’t know, Rain. You will always have my friendship; I won’t disappear again.” And I wouldn’t. I couldn’t go back to not knowing them, especially once they helped me get Elora back. There would be no going back to before, and while it was terrifying to think about, I was relieved I wouldn’t lose him in that way again.

“Friendship?” He laughed, dark and bitter. “Your skin tastes like spring, and your sighs are a gods damn song. I’m not your fucking friend.”

His voice bit into me, piercing the armor I’d created to shield myself from this, this danger and this hunger. I was drawn back to the study, his lips on mine and his hands all over me. The flame in my stomach flickered before it spread. I didn’t want friendship either, but we couldn’t have what I wanted. I didn’t know why he was acting like this, as if my growing attachment was fine when ultimately nothing could come out of it. I squared my shoulders and faced him. My whole person focused on making my words stay calm and measured.

“We got caught up in a moment, that’s all. We both agreed it was only a distraction. I needed something to take my mind off of things, and you didn’t seem reluctant to help.” It was a lie, and I tried not to flinch when I told it. He barked out a laugh, but it was cold, not a trace of a smile on his face.

“If Dewalt hadn’t interrupted, would you have gottencaught up in a momentand begged me to fill that pretty, little cunt? Is that what friends do?” I clenched my teeth, not wanting to answer his question, and was taken back by his language. It didn’t help my argument that the answer was yes. I undoubtedly would have done just what he said and regretted it after. I was a moth, and he was the flame to which I was drawn. I would’ve flown right in and singed my wings, happy to watch them burn.

“Do you often get caught up in moments, Emmeline? You weren’t surprised Faxon fulfilled his needs elsewhere. Is that what you did? Though, I doubt you had to pay for it.” He wore a mask of anger, and if it weren’t for the heat of my rapidly darkening cheeks, I’d have thought my face a mirror of his.

“I make no apologies for anything I’ve done since you refused to choose me. You don’t get to be mad or make ridiculous accusations aboutanything.” I huffed out a breath, growing angrier every second. He had no right. And what if I had done what he was insinuating? He wasn’t there, I wasn’t his. “Truly, that’s rich coming from you. You stand side by side with Thyra every day. How many others have you been with, Rainier?”

I saw his arm jerk as another impulse from Dewalt hit him. He threw his hand out, and I felt the ground rumble. I watched a trail of dirt flip over in a path toward the camp, clearly sending Dewalt a message. His eyes rose to meet mine, brimming with rage and something I might have mistaken for shame.

“What are you talking about?” He watched me, quieter for a moment, and it told me enough that I didn’t want to know the answer.

“None of this matters. When Elora is back, she and I will go to Ravemont and be out of your hair.”

“If I seem to recall, you have two years’ commitment to court, Emmeline.” He rubbed his hand against his chin as his eyes stayed on me. I couldn’t believe he was actually going to hold me to that, but I shouldn’t have been shocked.

“Just what I want, to be surrounded by women who want to kill me and bed you. Are you going to pardon Faxon and bring him to court too? To make my torture complete?”

“Women? Keeva is the only woman I’m betrothed to.”

“Don’t try to act like you haven’t slept through half of your court. Your reputation precedes you.” He barked a laugh.

“I generally don’t fuck the women at court, but it’s good to know you’re worried about that.” He leveled a gaze at me as if challenging me to continue the line of questioning.

“Generally, but not never?” Two years at court would be torture. Torture ending in death if the Nythyrians princess saw fit to punish him. I averted my eyes from him, watching the soldiers head west into the pass, the message from Rainier received. I saw his eyes flash to the soldiers as well before he answered my question.

“I suppose there are a few.” The look he gave me was stony as if I was being unreasonable.

“And you’re going to force me to be around Keeva, all the other suitors your mother will bring in if you don’t choose Keeva, and however many women you’ve been inside? You’re going to punish me with that for two years instead of letting us both move on?”

“Yes.” He didn’t elaborate. I threw out my arms, exasperated.

“I’m trying to give you a gift, Rain. Something you should have had all this time.” He stared at me for a while. He had his arms crossed over his chest, the black shirt he wore clinging to every harsh curve and plain. His jaw was set, and he was so perfect that a large part of me wanted to take back every word I’d said. Every part of him was wound tight, and I’d have been afraid of him if he were anyone else.

“Don’t you get tired of it?” The edge to his voice was so clear I could practically see the sharp glint on his lips.

“Tired of what?” The whisper held the weight of the question. I was exhausted.

“Running.” His lip curled up in disgust. I could hear the rumble in his voice echo in the earth below us, threatening to swallow me whole. “The second you have a single, fucking doubt about anything, Emmeline, you run. You never give me a gods damn chance. You don’t even try.” My arms were limp at my sides, and I had no retort. Nothing to bite back at him, so I just stared. I saw his jaw clench and couldn’t help reaching out. His heart was thundering. His eyes met mine and narrowed as he realized what I was doing. “Keeva was a means to an end. A choice I made for Vesta. You have no right to be upset about it becauseyou weren’t there. Kingdoms and years, Em. I’ve searched kingdoms, and I’ve waited for years. I had given up. But the minute I heard your voice at Ravemont, I wanted to go straight to the capital and call it off with her. And it’s the first thing I intend to do when we get there. She will be gone, and she will not matter.

“And as for the others,” He paused, even as he took a step toward me, tilting his head like he was debating what to say next, his tongue pushing hard behind his bottom lip. “Did you think of me when you let Faxon or whoever else fuck you?” I took a step back, stricken. I felt like I’d been physically slapped. The wind stepped up, and I felt my hair whipping around my face, mirroring the chaos I felt in my chest. He stepped forward as I moved back, pressing myself against a tree.

“Did you imagine my hands on you instead? My cock in—”

Before I knew what I was doing, I’d lifted my hand and smacked him hard across the face. His skin flushed darker where I hit him, but his eyes glimmered with something icy. He grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm to the side, pinning it against the tree. He leaned down so we were face to face while I pushed on his chest with my other hand.

“I don’t care who you’ve been with, Em. Do you know why I’ve slept with enough women I have a reputation for it?” When I didn’t reply, he surged forward, and his mouth caught mine, kissing me roughly. His free hand snaked up and wrapped around my neck, my pulse hammering against his thumb. He pushed his hips into me, and I opened my mouth, letting his tongue crash over mine. I felt the bark of the tree behind me digging painfully into my back and my head, but I didn’t care. Every thought eddied out of my mind while he pushed his body into mine. Every bit of resolve I’d had was gone. There was only his lips and his tongue running over my own, over the roof of my mouth. His teeth tugged on my lips as he ground into me, and I arched my back, pressing my hips into him. He pulled his mouth from mine, panting.

“It was to get rid of the taste of you. You’ve crawled into my veins, and nothing I have done has gotten rid of you.” He kissed me again as he ground into me, his teeth tugging hard on my lips. I swore I tasted copper when he pulled away from me, his face a breath from mine. “Every time I was with someone else, it was your face I saw.”

I swallowed, and his eyes followed my throat. “You can cut their hearts out, banish them—I don’t care. But you are coming to court with me, and you’re not calling me your friend ever again.” He let go of my wrist and pushed away from me, walking a few paces away and opening a rift. I saw our horses tied, waiting for us, the rest of the soldiers out of sight but not too far ahead in the distance. He stepped through and glanced over his shoulder.

“There is no moving on from this, Em. No closure, not for me. Believe me, if there was a way, I’d have found it.”

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