Page 82 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“I thank you for your sacrifice, Dewalt. I apologize for the hardship you’ve faced in having to talk to me. Tell him I’m fine.”

“Don’t be an ass. We’re all here because of you—for you.” I whipped around to face him, feeling my braid slap against my back.

“I know that, Dewalt! And you know how gods damn grateful I am for it. You should know, better than anyone else here, how I might be feeling. My daughter has been taken by monsters. Taken for a man who is supposedly worse than his father—the man whokilled my sister. Declan is somehowworsethan the man who killed Lucia. I've been betrayed by the only other person in the world who was supposed to love her as I do. Do you know how that feels? And it’s my own damn fault! I didn’t notice, couldn’t even fathom a situation where he would do that. Now, on top of all of that, I have to deal with Rainier beating his soldiers and talking about forfeiting alliances because of me. It’s as if he forgot the whole reason he didn’t choose me in the first place. I’m sorry for being an ass, but listening to the only man I’ve ever loved say a lot of confusing things doesn't help matters."

I realized my voice was loud by the end of my tirade because of the way the food line had quietened. I glanced around and felt a flush rising, my breathing rapid. If Dewalt couldn’t understand now, I wasn’t sure he ever would.

“Nothing to see here.” He barked out the order, and everyone around us moved back into action as Dewalt took a step toward me, bracing both his hands on my shoulders. His expression was unreadable as he peered down at me from beneath his lowered brow.

“You love him?”

“Of course I love him. I never stopped.” I couldn’t have prevented my answer from rolling off my tongue if I tried.

“Then let him love you back. Let it be enough.”

I felt my face soften as I looked at him, realizing how awful I must have seemed. He averted his eyes, and I felt a sharp pang of guilt. He’d give anything to be arguing with Lucia. I tried to find the words to say, but he cut me off by clearing his throat.

“Do you want to start training again?”

“Yes.” My reply was instant. He’d given me a break the last few days. My muscles had been screaming since I’d fought Rainier, and I hadn’t even thought about touching my sword to train. But the thought of spending this energy, distracting my thoughts—I knew instantly I would not deny myself of it.

“Good. Tonight, before dinner.”

He said no more as we retrieved our food, but he sat next to me as we ate. It was silent, but I didn’t feel so alone.

Thyrajoinedustotrain after we made camp that evening. Dewalt and I had spent some time going over basic stances and holds when she marched up, carrying a sword instead of her ax I’d grown accustomed to seeing.

“Hello, little viper.” Her grin was mischievous, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Thyra wanted to join us to sharpen her skills with the sword.” Dewalt offered the information without meeting my eye. My friend’s face was almost as readable as my own sometimes, and I knew someone had told him I knew about Thyra and Rainier.

“I prefer the ax, so I need practice with the sword at times.” I suspected she was just as good with a sword as she was with her ax, and I wondered if there was some sort of ulterior motive to her joining us to spar. I took a breath and sat, drinking water out of a canteen while Dewalt warmed up with Thyra. She was left-handed, which I found interesting. Eventually, Dewalt stopped and gestured for me to come over.

“Thyra, you strike. Emma, block.” Thyra nodded, and we both took stances apart from each other before she advanced. Her fighting style was similar to Rainier’s, and it bothered me more than it should have. Though she used her height over me to attempt quite a few overhanded swings, I met every one with ease, used to this approach. Everyone had always used my height to their advantage, something I had to compensate for from the start. She may have had the height Rainier did, but not nearly as much of the power. I knew if she were to have her ax, it would likely be a different story. It was slower and heavier, but if she could move it, it would give her the strength the sword lacked. After a while of back and forth, Dewalt called for us to stop.

“You do well for being so short.” Thyra’s breathing was a bit heavier than it had been before sparring, but overall, she seemed unaffected.

“You do well for being so tall.” Her booming laugh echoed as she walked over to her canteen, and I smiled. I liked her. I wondered why Rainier stopped sleeping with her. She was beautiful and intriguing, kind and funny. What could have made him lose interest? More importantly, why did I care?

A few moments later, Dewalt instructed us to switch roles. Before we started, I noticed Lavenia and Mairin walking toward us in easy conversation. I felt a pang of jealousy over the fact my friend had barely seen me the past two days and had already fallen in so quickly with the people I’d known for so long. They sat down next to our canteens and watched while I lunged toward Thyra, over and over. It went much the same as when she attacked me. She was good at anticipating my movements and parried with ease. I circled her, searching for an opening, but never found one, and I grew frustrated, throwing fast and frenzied attacks. She easily anticipated and blocked each one.

“Easy, Em. Don’t get sloppy.” I felt my heart slam in my chest at the sound of his voice, and I was grateful I was the only one who could hear it. I forced myself to keep going, not averting my eyes to look where I knew Rainier was standing. Slowing down, I decided to take a more methodical approach with Thyra. She wasn’t as fast as me, so I needed to find a way to send her blocking in one direction while I hit her from another. I struck a few more blows at her, which she predicted, before I lunged to her weak side. When she went to block me there, I spun and brought my sword down low, about to slam into her thigh before I stopped the swing. Thyra let out a breath of frustration before she smiled at me, grabbing me with her free hand and pulling me in for a one-armed embrace. It surprised me, but I accepted the gesture either way. Dewalt slapped me on the shoulder, a grin on his face, and I broke from the hug, turning around to see Rainier leaning against a tree behind me with his arms crossed.

“Good girl.” The look he gave me was dangerous. It returned the feeling of the tree on my back—the bark scratching into my skin and his hand on my throat. I pushed it deep down, eager to bury the memory. His shirt was a deep burgundy color, and the top few buttons were open, revealing the swells of muscle in his chest. A small smile danced on his lips while I watched him, and I felt the need to knock him down. I let my gaze flicker over him in annoyance and rolled my eyes before turning back to Thyra.

“I hope you join us again. It was fun.”

“Yes, maybe I will teach you ax and shield. You are too short and impatient to be shield-maiden but still fun to learn.” Everything about this woman should have intimidated me, but I only found warmth and kindness from her.

“I would like that, Thyra. Thank you.”

She nodded and left, heading toward camp, and I tentatively walked toward Mairin and Lavenia, not sure if I would be received. I wasn’t ready for Lavenia to be cold to me again, but I didn’t want to leave, to stand in a line for food alone. Nor did I want to go to the tent and cry myself to sleep again. Mairin looked up when I approached.

“Are you done moping now?” I felt heat flame my cheeks and knew from her expression the hurt I felt was evident. Her features softened as she continued. “You seemed like you needed some space.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“You never caught up with us yesterday, and you avoided us today.” She shrugged as if it was obvious. When I realized the reason for Lavenia’s coolness might have been because she thought I was avoiding her, my veins flooded with cool relief. Maybe they hadn’t volunteered to speak to me because they thought I needed space, even though I’d never felt lonelier.

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