Page 83 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“Oh. Well, maybe I did. I’m alright now, though.” I gave a weak smile as they both studied me. Lavenia’s eyes were searching, and I avoided making eye contact.

“Good. Sit.” Mairin patted on the ground next to her, and I sat, nearly crying in relief when she pulled my head to her shoulder. Lavenia stood, striding over to where Dewalt and Rainier spoke in low tones. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to give me one-on-one time with Mairin or if she wasn’t ready to speak to me, but I tried to remain optimistic and assumed the former. I sat there leaning against Mairin, her wiry curls wafting into my face in the light breeze, enjoying the nearness and warmth of my friend. Her hair smelled a bit bittersweet, almost like nutmeg and cloves, the scent familiar and comforting.

“We’re going to go get food for us; we’ll be right back,” Lavenia called over. I noticed it was Mairin she was talking to, not me.

“Bring us back some?” Mairin called back, a smile in her voice.

“That was the plan.” The three of them started walking toward camp, and I couldn’t help but notice Rainier’s eyes sweep over me, the last of the three of them to turn away. Mairin waited until they were out of earshot before turning to me, her tone demanding.

“What was the fight about?” I sat up.

“How do you know we fought?” She glared at me as if I was too stupid for words. Which, to be fair, wasn’t wrong. I inhaled. “The same thing we’ve always been fighting about.”

“Which is?”

“Everything.” I huffed a laugh, hesitating before continuing. “I heard you and Lavenia talking the other night; I was trying to give him closure.”

“Why?” The question surprised me.

“Because he needs it.” She just stared, waiting for me to continue. “Mairin, I can’t go to court.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Let’s see, where to start?” My voice was dripping with sarcasm, and I tried to remember I was talking to my friend, tempering my annoyance before I continued. “First, my daughter is my priority, and she might not want to stay. Second, he is betrothed to someone who will want to kill me. He needs the alliance it will bring, and I won’t jeopardize it. Third, I will not be a mistress, even though I’m sure I’ll be branded a whore either way.”

“Only one of those makes sense.” I stared at her. “Elora might not want to stay, and you have to do what’s best for her, especially after everything that has happened. But the rest?” She made a dismissive gesture with her hand.

“I don’t know about you, but I personally like being alive.”

“From what I’ve heard, he’s calling it off. Won’t she return to Kieza?”

“Probably, but that wouldn’t stop her from bestowing him a parting gift of my head. Besides—the alliance. He shouldn’t be calling it off at all.”

She shrugged. “I don’t think she’d risk it. And I’d trust him more than you to know what alliances he needs and doesn’t need.”

“I won’t be a mistress, Mairin.”

“Who says you would be? He’s not bonded.”

“Yet.” I sighed, tilting my head back to look through the canopy of trees. The faintest hint of stars were starting to appear, and I wondered, perhaps, if Lucia was among them. “King Soren is old, and Rainier will have to perform the ritual and wed soon. If Keeva leaves, I’m sure the queen has a whole host of other suitable conduits to replace her.”

“Why are you so determined it not be you?” I paused a moment, blinking. Of course, it couldn’t be me.

“Future kings don’t bond for…love.” It felt strange to say it, presumptuous even. But was it so far from the truth? He cared for me—that much was clear. The attraction was there. But was it love? “I doubt that’s what he feels for me, anyway. Kings bond for power. They bond for mates who will give them strong offspring, to carry on their legacy. I can offer neither.”

“You just learned you can heal yourself, Emma. Who knows how far your divinity goes? You cloistered yourself away when you came of age. You could be more powerful than Rainier, for all we know. And you’re more stupid than you look if you think that man wants anything less than everything from you.” I snorted; she was being obnoxious, now.

“Well, I can’t give him any children. Elora nearly killed me.”

“But she didn’t. Because of yourpowerful divinity.” I threw my arms up and stood, pacing in frustration.

“It doesn’t matter if you think I’m powerful or if I even start to think it. It’s not up to me—or even Rainier for that matter. It’s up to the king and queen and the Myriad.”

“I know this.”

“Then why are you arguing with me about it?”

“Lavenia told me all of this. She also told me the Myriad hate her, and they grow worried she will inherit the throne.”

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