Page 84 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“So? What does that have to do with me?”

“So, she thinks they’d agree to him bonding with anyone as long as it kept her off the throne.”

“Why do they hate her?” Lavenia was kind and truly cared. Vesta would be just as lucky to have her as queen as it would having Rainier as king.

“Because she is not a he.” Mairin spat out the words, and my nose crinkled in disgust. I still hated the Myriad, though I’d been so far removed I had no idea they would have any preference about that. The throne had always gone to the oldest child, but I supposed the bloodline hadn’t had a female heir in over a millennium. “There’s also the fact that she has made it clear to anyone who will listen that she does not want the role. They’ve taken offense.” Mairin laughed.

“What about Dewalt? They could ascend to the throne, and Dewalt would be king.”

“They claim Dewalt isn’t of proper breeding, having been born with no title. They don’t want him either. Besides, they’ve both been rather vocal in their support for Rainier and disdain for an ascension that involved them.”

I exhaled a breath, pacing back and forth. Making sure no one could hear me, I eyed the path back to camp before I continued speaking.

“None of this matters if he doesn’t even want to bond with me, Mairin. He seems to care for me, and there is definitely an attraction, but who is to say it isn’t just unfinished business?” Even though I practically whispered it, saying it out loud was a weight off my shoulders. I’d been holding back from him because I knew we could never perform the ritual thanks to my underwhelming divinity, but the quiet, destructive voice inside was more afraid that if I let him have me, he’d no longer want me. I was the woman he left, bereft and afloat. Guilt and regret weren’t reasons to be with someone.

“I am.” She nodded confidently as she said it.

“You are what?”

“I am the one to say. Auras, remember?”

I crossed my arms and scowled at her. “The auras tell you when something is more than just attraction? Can you definitively tell me what we have ismore?” I was skeptical. From what she’d said, it seemed like auras changed minute to minute based on feelings and interactions.

“Sometimes.” She gave me a small smile with one side of her mouth quirked up more than the other. “Certain relationships gleam. They look a bit different.”

“And ours looks different?” She nodded. “How so?”

“You’re twin flames, Emma.” I froze. “One soul, two bodies.”

Chapter 28

Therewasaticklein my chest, and I felt it slowly rising up my throat until I started laughing. It was nervous laughter, laced with disbelief. The timorous chittering turned into a deep belly laugh, and I brought a hand up, pushing to the stitch in my side. My friend just looked up at me from her seat on the ground, head tilted and a curious expression on her face.

“You’re so full of shit, Mairin.” My laughter trailed off as I watched her. She wasn’t laughing. We stared at each other for a few moments, and I was about to speak when I heard Dewalt’s low chuckle behind me. The three of them had returned with our food. Stew again, I realized distractedly. I was getting sick of it.

“Someone is in a better mood.” Dewalt flashed me a grin, and I made a face at him accompanied by my middle finger, earning a laugh in return. I could see Rainier smiling at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t spare him a glance. They crossed the small clearing where we had trained, and Rainier pushed a bowl toward me, forcing me to make eye contact with him. He had that gods damn crooked smile on his face, and his eyes were bright. Hopeful, even. He spoke quietly so no one else could hear.

“If you wish to stay angry, please do so nearer to me. And not so quietly.”

His hand slipped out from the bowl, lightly touching my fingertips. I felt a jolt, like lightning, when his skin touched mine. My eyes strayed to the bowl, and I looked at the contents; however unappealing they’d started to become in recent days, I found them especially fascinating in that moment.

He was wrong. It’s not that Iwasn’tangry exactly. It was more that it wasn’t him I was angry with. It was the situation; it was me. I’d started to realize part of me just always simmered with anger, and I’d kept it tamped down and locked tight inside me. Being around him again, the lid I’d shut down so forcefully was prying loose. I was angry about my sister’s death, my unceremonious marriage to Faxon, my isolation, my missing daughter. His decisions and reactions from back then were still part of that list, but not enough to blame all of my rage and frustration on him. No, I wouldn’t direct it toward him, but it had started to consume me. A whirlwind of feelings had come to the surface. A pot boiling over. But I was the one who wanted fire, who had asked for it. I exhaled a breath and held eye contact for a moment.

“You want me to scream at you?” His eyes flashed dangerously, and he leaned in, lips brushing against my ear.

“I want you to screamforme. But I’ll take what I can get.” He pulled back, a lazy, satisfied smirk on his face.

I felt my whole body flush, my skin raising, and I focused on maintaining slow, steady breaths so he wouldn’t see what he did to me. After what Mairin had just said and Rainier’s admission, I’d somehow forgotten how to inhale properly. It was pathetic being so worked up. I shot a look at Mairin, one which promised later discussions. What she’d said was a revelation if it were true. I knew she hadn’t said anything to Rainier yet, based on how he’d acted with her before when she showed him her abilities. Maybe he knew more about merrows than I did because he didn’t have a single doubt when she showed him what she was. And if she’d told him what she told me? I didn’t think he’d be asking me to shout at him. I think he’d have stolen me away and made me his. The thought sent my heart rocketing once again.

This was what I’d wanted all those years ago. I’d wanted him to choose me. I’d wanted to be together and perform the bonding ritual. Why was I so hesitant about his attentions now? Especially knowing Faxon was not long for this world, what was there to stop him from giving me everything? Had I begun to understand the sacrifice he made back then? With King Soren’s age and health a factor, Vesta needed security, and Rainier could give it to the people. The people in the small town of Brambleton, the slums of Mira, the immigrants and refugees—those people needed him and the security he could and would offer. My mere existence in his life was a threat to what he could give them. But other than those loyal to Keeva, would I be that poor of a choice? I had the benefit of seeing some of the work that needed to be done in Vesta’s poorer cities. My divinity, while not anything monumental, was something that could be seen as a balance to Rainier. The hardened warrior could use someone whose divinity could save and heal. Maybe it wasn’t such a far-off dream.

I averted my eyes and sat next to Dewalt, who nudged his arm against me, giving me a small smile. Rainier settled down on my other side, and I felt the heat from his leg against me, electricity traveling through my veins.

I had a hard time eating my food, all appetite having left me. I sat quietly, making sure to engage in the pleasant conversation occasionally, not sure what I’d agreed to or disagreed with. Everyone else finished, their dishes stacked in a pile on the ground in front of us, while I stared into my bowl. Suddenly, there was a loud screech above us, and I saw something falling from the sky. My head jolted up as some sort of rodent slammed to the ground, and it came running toward us. Mairin squealed and skittered backward, and I was about to jump up myself when Rainier put an arm across my legs to calm me.

“It’s one of my shifters.” He peered up into the sky then, arm still across me, and I followed his gaze to see a hawk circling us slowly before dropping to a low hanging branch. My attention was drawn back to the mouse as it began to grow. It was the size of a small cat by then, and I watched it in horror, one of the more gruesome things I’d ever seen. It was a giant mouse, the size of a dog when it stood up on its hind legs. Its spine straightened and lengthened, the fur slowly disappearing and the small claws stretching and filling out, turning into hands and feet. The spine kept lengthening as the snout shortened, pushing back into a face. The sounds coming from the transition were unsettling, the cracking and popping of bones loud in our quiet clearing. It was all over in a matter of ten minutes, but I watched the entire time, with equal parts amazement and revulsion, until I realized the shifter was completely naked. He was an average-sized man, shorter than both Rainier and Dewalt. His coloring matched what he’d looked like as a mouse; light brown hair and eyes made the man generally nondescript. His voice was quiet and higher-pitched than I’d have imagined, wringing his hands in front of him as he spoke.

“Our friends from Skos have moved. A thousand men. They’re positioned west of the Aesiron.”

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