Page 90 of Between Wrath and Mercy

His eyes softened as a smile pulled up the corners of his mouth, and he laid back. “You’ve always had me, Em. But you already knew that.”

I stared into his eyes for a moment too long, overcome by the emotions I saw there, before I began to kiss down his body once more. I’d never done what I was about to do, but it didn’t matter. Everything with Rainier came so naturally if I just let it. If I stopped fighting, stopped running. If I stopped thinking about what everything meant, I could just focus on doing what felt right. I felt a tremor go through him as my fingers slid along his waist to his pants. I undid the top button and watched his skin pebble.

He was breathless, eyes closed, as my fingertips moved tenderly to finish unfastening his breeches.

I saw the muscles in his stomach tighten as I slid my fingers in his waistband. I kissed them, following the path of curling hair which led me lower, as I pulled down his pants and undergarments as one. He lifted his hips to help, and his length finally sprang free. “Gods,” I whispered it, my eyes wide. I’d never truly laid eyes on him, our previous coupling having been rushed and fumbled, not to mention how long ago it was, and I was nothing short of intimidated. He was huge, both long and thick. When our eyes met, I swore I saw a glimmer of boyish pride on his face.

“If I didn’t already know I could…” I trailed off, looking at his beautiful, masculine body in the light of the flickering brazier.

“Oh, you can. I’ll refresh that memory of yours,” he grinned, “and show you just how perfect we fit together.”

I stared at him for a moment, meeting his intoxicating desire with my own, before glancing down, my tongue darting out over my lower lip, and I grasped him firmly at the base as he groaned. He let his eyes close for a moment before propping himself up on his forearms, and his expression turned serious.

“You don’t have to if you—”

My tongue cut him off, and he pushed his head back into the pallet, a hiss of pleasure escaping him. A small bead of moisture had formed on his tip, and I leaned down and licked it off. Putting my hand around his length, my fingertips not quite touching, I leaned down, maintaining eye contact with him, wanting to watch his response. When I spoke, I knew he’d feel my breath on him. “It feels right.”

We watched each other as I slowly slid the tip of him into my mouth, my tongue exploring, swirling around the thick head of him. He let out a deep sigh, and his head fell backward, slack. I took my free hand and shoved on his chest, pushing him down off his forearms. He moved to put his arms behind his head, relaxed and comfortable, just like I wanted him. I slid my hand down his length, my tongue following after, feeling the velvety softness of his skin. I wasn’t sure how hard to grasp him; I didn’t want to hurt him. Swirling my tongue over his sensitive tip as I took him into my mouth, I watched him as my lips slid down. He was warm, and his breath had turned slow like he was focusing on every inhale and exhale. He opened his eyes to watch me and reached down, gently swiping my hair out of my face. I took that moment to slide my hand down with my lips to take more of him, slowly matching the timing of my mouth to that of my hand.

“Fuck,” He drew out the word. His eyes closed, and I continued, sliding my hand with my mouth. “Emma,” he breathed my name like a prayer.

I mumbled a reply with him inside of my mouth, and I wondered if he felt it. As I continued, I noticed his hips twitching in response. Watching him as the expression on his face grew pained, I wondered if I was squeezing too hard. I lifted my mouth off him while continuing more gently with my hand. “Am I hurting you?”

“Quite the opposite.” He exhaled hard, his nostrils flaring, and I saw the desire in his eyes.

“You were just making a face. I don’t—If it’s not good or I’m hurting you, please tell me.” I felt silly and immature, not knowing what I was doing, and the pained look on his face made my newfound confidence dwindle.

“Em, dear heart, you’re not hurting me. I’m trying not to hurt you.” His eyes were soft, and he reached down a hand to trace my jaw. I felt something flutter in my chest.

“You won’t hurt me.” At least, I didn’t think he would. “I want you undone.”

“I already am, Em. Every day since you came back to me.”

I felt myself flush as his gaze met mine, eyes full of desire and something else I wasn’t willing to identify. I leaned back down, putting him in my mouth again as I watched him. This time when his hips twitched, he let himself thrust into my mouth, and I understood why he’d been pained. He’d been trying to stop himself. Looking up at him as he pushed into my mouth, moaning my encouragement around him, I showed him he wasn’t hurting me. Eagerly meeting each thrust, I loved watching him let go for me.

“You’re taking my cock so well. Gods, you’re beautiful.”

He reached down with both hands, twining his fingers in my hair as he pushed into my mouth. I picked up the pace, sliding my mouth and hand down his length as he bucked beneath me, a deep, guttural moan coming out of him. I threw off his rhythm when I pushed myself down farther, bringing him to the back of my throat, hollowing my cheeks. He grunted, and I felt his body shake beneath me as his fingers twisted tighter in my hair, and he lost control. He pulled back and slammed into my mouth, and I groaned, loving the base need flowing through him. He did it only once more before he stopped, putting his hand on my chin, pulling me off him.

“There’s no way in hell I’m going to finish before you do. Come here.” His voice was rough as he started pulling on me and bringing me up his body. I straddled him and began rubbing against him, unable to stop. I didn’t want to stop pleasing him; I wanted to see him lose himself. He pulled me down to his mouth, kissing me thoroughly, deeply. His tongue speared into my mouth, just like his cock had, not caring that my lips were slick and swollen from taking him.

“You have no idea how badly I want you.” He threw one arm around my waist and flipped us, so I was on my back beneath him. “You have too much clothing on for what I want to do to you.” He started kissing down my jaw, down my neck, and his soft lips felt amazing on my skin. But there was a tingle in the back of my head, something making me hesitate. I was nervous, and some damned part of me flashed into the memory where I’d made my vows to Faxon, and I balked. I didn’t care about the vows, considering Faxon had betrayed me so thoroughly, but something about Rainier and his honor made me hesitate. My presence in his camp was scandal enough. There was so much that was imperfect to me—it didn’t feel right to continue much further with him. If Dewalt hadn’t interrupted, I knew I would have done exactly what Rainier said I would, but I wouldn’t have been ready then like I wasn’t now. I didn’t want to have a single regret. I was so angry I even thought any of this with Rainier on top of me, his beautiful naked body hot and smooth against me, that I couldn’t help it when I groaned aloud in frustration.

“What is it?” He pulled himself from my neck.

“Nothing. This just—I haven’t—Oh,divine hell.” There were too many things to say at once, and I was struggling. Rainier stayed where he was, hovering over me, waiting patiently. I took a deep breath. “As much as I want you, and believe me, I do—badly,” His eyes flashed, “I just don’t think I’m completely ready. I haven’t—” I inhaled, struggling to handle this like an adult. “What I just did, I’ve never even done before. I haven’t done anything like this at all since before Elora was born.” His eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything. “And even then, it wasn’t—this is different.Youare different.” I swallowed, steeling myself for the next part. “And I’m just not ready to go much further. It doesn’t feel right, not yet, anyway.” He put his weight on one arm next to me and rolled a bit, his hip on the pallet, but he left a leg draped over me. He didn’t say anything, just studied me, and I began to feel nervous.

“I’m sorry, Rain. I just—we messed this all up once already, and I don’t want to do that again.”

“Don’t you dare apologize, Em. When you are ready, I’m going to make up for so much lost time.” His smile and the look in his eyes were a promise that brought heat low in my stomach. “We should stop.”

“But you didn’t finish. I don’t want to stop; I just don’t want to go too far.” He chuckled then as he pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it.

“You know, I wasn’t planning on fucking you tonight. Not in secret. Never like that again. I won't keep you a secret to keep you.” I watched as his kiss traced up my wrist. “I had no intention of it happening in a tent surrounded by my guard. I want you spread out for me in a bed, sober. Ready to hear everything I have to tell you and feel everything I have to give you when we finally make love, Em.” My heart skipped and began racing through my chest.

“Then whatwereyou planning on?” I barely recognized my voice, a husky whisper. He leaned forward, and I felt his length press against my leg, hard as ever, as he pressed his lips to my neck just behind my ear.

“I wanted to taste you, too.” His words were a whisper, and chills chased down my body at the heat and promise behind them. He traced a finger across my collar bone before moving down my chest.

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