Page 95 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“You should have warned me you weren’t feeling well. I would have taken care of it.” The admonishment was clear in his tone.

“You wouldn’t even look at me.” I distracted myself, playing with the embroidery on my cloak.

“I couldn’t be part of your decision, Em. You know that. But I said I’d be the one to do it. I know Thyra told you.” He sounded frustrated.

“Why couldn’t you be part of it?” I wished he would have decided for me. I was torn from my decision. Had it been a mercy for me to kill Faxon? Was it mercy for him or a mercy for me?

“I couldn’t influence you; you had to decide for yourself. If it were up to me, you wouldn’t have healed him at all. If it were up to me, he’d have been dead before I brought you out of the cave. I would have handled it and told you he was dead. I almost did it too. After what he’s done to you both? But it wasn’t up to me.”

“I had to heal him—to see if he knew anything.” I began to think about what he’d said. That Elora would die, her blood on my hands. That he was keeping her safe—from me. I shook my head, refusing to think about it. He was a broken man with a broken mind. It wasn’t logical. None of it made sense. I would never do anything to harm her, and he knew that. Thinking about it would only push me to insanity.

“I know.” He let out a long exhale.

I tilted my head back into him and rested my eyes. My head was a dull throb, and I willed my divinity to do my bidding, hoping not to make it worse.

“Did you bury him?” I didn’t know why I felt sad; Faxon deserved his death. Nonetheless, I had killed my daughter’s father. The man who helped me raise her to be kind and brave. The man who built her a dollhouse. The man who picked out books for her, knowing she’d devour them almost immediately, and yet he’d still smile when she’d beg him for more. The man who had claimed to love us both. But that man was the same man who sold her to the enemy.

“Under a bush at the mouth of the cave. There’s a stone to mark it.” He paused, stiffening. “We can take a break before we go too much farther, and I can rift you there.”

“No, I only asked for Elora. I don't want to go back. Honestly, I’d love to never think about him again.” I threaded my fingers through his hand around my waist and settled myself more comfortably against him, somehow managing to fall asleep quickly, my head tucked under his chin.

Isleptoffandon the entire day, grateful to not be in my thoughts. Rainier woke me periodically, offering me food and drink like a small child. Eventually, I told him to knock it off, and I’d let him know if I was hungry or thirsty. I suspected I might have hurt his feelings a bit, but I didn’t spend too long feeling bad before I fell back asleep.

I woke up to my ear popping and my headache mostly gone. I hadn’t realized how close we were to leaving the pass. The western side of the Alsors was treacherous—a steep, downward slope I tried to not think about. Bree was a good horse, sturdy and smart, and I trusted her to keep us safe. This side of the mountains was a ruddy, brown color, quite different from their eastern ridge, which almost glowed a dull silver. I gazed at the horizon below us and saw nothing but grasslands. It was the flattest land I’d ever seen, stretching as far as the eye could see.

“Where are all the trees?” Rainier chuckled and gave me a quick kiss behind the ear. I glowed at his touch.

“These are the great plains. Not many trees, but home to most of our crops. I forget you haven’t been this far west before.”

“Are there trees in Astana? I don’t know if I can handle life without shade.”

“Life, huh? So, you’ve decided to be a woman of honor and respect our bargain?” He teased.

I tried to look over my shoulder at him to glare. “As long as Elora agrees.” As long as he spoke to Keeva. As long as Mairin ended up being correct, and he could finally choose me after all this time. Quite a lot had to occur to get us to stay, and since I didn’t want to get into any of it, I stayed quiet.

“That’s fair. It’s going to be a hard transition, no matter what. Hopefully, I can convince her with all of the royal luxuries I can throw at her.” I could tell he was smiling, and I knew if I allowed it, he’d try to bribe her in any manner possible. Imagining him funding an expensive wardrobe for her and a private library just to convince us to stay put a smile on my face. I cringed a bit, thinking about the conversations I’d have to have with my daughter about my history with Rainier. Thinking about Elora and Rainier interacting with each other was both strange and comforting, and the thought brought a smile to my face before the cruel reality sank in.

“I don’t think court will be the problem. I think it will be me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve failed her in so many ways, Rain. And I just killed her father.” I exhaled, worried. I’d have to tell her the moment I saw her. If I kept it from her longer than I had to, she’d never forgive me.

“If it’s easier, you can tell her I killed him. I imagined it a thousand different ways at least.”

“No. Thank you, though. I think it’s best I stop lying to her.” I felt him nod. “I wonder if she knows Prince Cyran kept him tied outside. Did you see the marks on his neck?”

“I did. It earned the boy some respect from me.”

“Rain, it was cruel.”

“Was it? You and Elora deserved so much better. Deserve so much better.”

“And let me guess, you plan to give it to us?” I teased as I squeezed the hand still entwined with mine.

“Until the day I die.” I nestled back into his chest, the warmth from his words moving through me like a caress.

“Fair warning, she has a smart mouth and can get into some terrible moods.” I couldn’t wait for them to meet. She’d give him a run for his money.

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