Page 96 of Between Wrath and Mercy

“I’ve had all the practice I need with her mother.”

I let out an embarrassingly loud laugh and pushed my elbow back into him.

I stayed awake after that, and we spent our time in easy silence or light conversation. Rainier told me about how Bree fought him off at first, but he’d tamed her with an apple and soft words, and he made a joke about how he wished it would have been that easy with me. My headache stayed away, and although I felt a little tired, my divinity undetectable, I was none the worse for wear. Attempting to manipulate the work of the mindbreaker had worn me down.

“Why do you think they sent him to us?” Did Faxon go too far, or had the prince just found him to be useless?

“You’ll have to ask him tomorrow night, but if I had to guess, he wore out his welcome. He was locked up a week ago, and you said Cyran seemed to care for Elora. Do you think maybe Faxon said or did something to her?”

“A fortnight ago, I would have said no, but now, I’m not sure.”

“Maybe Prince Cyran just grew tired of him.”

“But why break his mind before they sent him back?”

“Now that, I do not know. Maybe to prevent us from doing exactly what we tried to do.”

I nodded, and we grew into a quiet comfort once more, my body pressed against his. No one approached us, and it was serene and comfortable. I needed time to process everything; so much had happened in the past day. I hadn’t expected Faxon to show up like that. I thought he’d give me excuses, beg for forgiveness, or at least prove how evil he was. I thought he’d show he had no remorse or regrets about what he did.

It almost felt like what I did was unfair. He was a man with a broken mind, and I did what I had intended to do from the start, despite the fact the circumstances had changed. What if Elora couldn’t forgive me? What if everything I’d done would break my relationship irreparably with my daughter? Not to mention, I’d killed someone. I’d killed people before, but they’d been attacking me or mine. I didn’t feel any remorse for those people. They had died by my hand, and they deserved it. But had Faxon? Was it justifiable for me to kill him? Elora was being taken care of, and we were making moves to get her back safely. Was it fair for me to kill the man? To use my hands and divinity to speed his heart up enough it burst? Was that what Aonara intended I use her gift for? A large part of me felt remorse for what I did, and it was the last thing I would have expected. I wanted relief, and his death hadn’t given me that. A thought occurred to me in a rush, and I pushed away from Rainier, sitting upright.

“I murdered Faxon.” The words rushed out of me, and I felt Rainier still behind me.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“He’s dead, and I’m the one who did it, am I not?”

“Yes, but—”

“So, I murdered him. He didn’t have a trial.” I was not judge, jury, and executioner, but I’d played the roles well, hadn’t I?

“The traitor in the cellar didn’t have a trial either. His execution was not a murder.”

“You’re the one who did that, not me. I’m not royalty.” Rainier could do what he wanted with no problem, no hesitation. At least to an extent. Of course, the person had to deserve it when they were executed, or there would be consequences with the people.

“You could be.”

I only let myself react for a half-second, frozen in place, before I chose to ignore it, not about to get into a completely different conversation that was just as heavy.

“But I’m not, and I killed Faxon.” He leaned forward, pushing his warm chest against me, breaths steady as he tightened his arm around my waist.

“He deserved death. I would have executed him myself if not for you. I had to let you have the choice—to be able to choose mercy if you wanted. And, honestly? I’m glad you didn’t want to offer it to him. But you are not a murderer, Emmeline. Iamroyalty, and I gave you a choice of punishments. Your choice doesn’t make you a murderer.” A small, whispering part of me wondered if I somehow still showed mercy today but pushed the thought away.

“Just because you say it, that doesn’t mean I won’t be condemned in death or by Elora.” I didn’t know why my thinking had turned so dark.

“Then I’ll be right there with you because I’ve done much worse. And Elora will forgive you. At the absolute least, she’ll be distracted by all the things court has to offer. All the books we’ll buy her. Hell, we’ll just give her a line of credit at the bookstore.” I could tell he was trying to cheer me up, and he succeeded a bit, especially with his use of the word ‘we.'

“How is her book?”

“I finished it. A little predictable, but I can see why a young girl would like it.”

“Oh? Why, old and wise one, would a young girl like it?”

“The prince changed for her. She helped him see the error of his ways and all the mistakes he made.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“A good man will know when he’s made a mistake and do everything he can to make it right. He won’t need a beautiful woman to tell him.” He pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. “But I’ll let you tell me, anyway.”

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