Page 110 of Between Despair and Hope

He rubbed at his chest, closing his eyes and breathing hard. Was he checking their bond, feeling over those golden strands? An ache started in my own chest, thinking about the ones I’d once shared with Ven. A phantom pain I still felt occasionally, but I didn’t regret my choice.

“She’s there, but I can’t—it’s like she’s asleep,” he whispered, rubbing harder at his chest. His throat bobbed before he addressed me, vicious and targeted. “Where, Dewalt? I swear to the gods if she is hurt…” He trailed off before pinning me with hate in his eyes. “She is mygods damned soul.”

“She’s been healing people.” I braced myself. “In the Wend.”

The ground shook hard enough, I heard more than one person scream within the palace as Shivani lowered herself into a seat.

“My gods,” she murmured, rubbing her forehead. “You stupid—”

“The Wend? You have got to be fucking kidding me. You let her go tothe Wend by herself?”

Before I could defend my decision, he was opening a rift and stepping through, nearly getting hit by a carriage. Dickey skittered through behind him, and I followed. And to my utter surprise, Shivani came through behind me.

“What are you doing?”

“I—I do not know,” she said. “Helping?”

“Where?” Rainier demanded, shoving past a few people who gawked at us, completely oblivious to the dropped jaws he left in his wake.

“The row-houses on Tembris,” I said as I pushed past Dickey to stand on Rainier’s left, covering his weaker side on instinct.

“When this is done, I’m going to fucking kill you,” he muttered, teeth gritting as he walked with purpose down the street.

“Hanwen’s ass, she wasn’t supposed to go alone. We’d discussed this. Dickey was supposed to be with her.”

“Cover your ears, Dickey,” he said, not bothering to see if the boy obeyed. “And what the fuck is Dickey going to do? He’s a boy who barely knows how to use a sword. Divine fucking hell, Dewalt. I was trying to trust her decisions, and I thought, like an idiot clearly, that I could trust yours too.”

One hand on his sword and the other holding a fist of divine fire, he didn’t bother looking at me. I could taste his disappointment and anger. I heard a sniffle from Dickey, telling me he’d heard every word. His head was dipped low, and I knew he felt dejected for having disappointed us. But I couldn’t bring myself to care. We were in a load of shit between the two of them.

“She was determined, and it’s not as if she’s weak. She’s never gone alone before. Not until today anyway,” I said, shooting a look at Dickey to see if he had anything else to say about it.

“I was only a few minutes late,” he groaned.

“Northern end or southern end?” Rainier asked, turning down a road running adjacent to Tembris.

“Barely on the northern end. Close to the fountain,” Dickey offered. “House with blue shutters.”

“I know the council forbade her from doing this—forgood fucking reason. I didn’t stop to think she’d do it anyway or that you’d help her. Gods, of course she would have done it anyway. Fuck!” He shook his head. “Has anyone recognized her?”

“She usually only heals children or the elderly. Everyone has been too grateful to question her,” I answered. She’d been careful until today for whatever gods damned reason.

“How many people has she helped? Fucking hell,” he muttered, walking fast enough that Shivani and Dickey struggled to keep up.

“She’s been going every day for the last couple of weeks. Not that many. Two dozen?”

Cutting across an alleyway which would spit us out near the fountain, he slowed his pace as he scanned the houses. If I hadn’t known they were full of people, I’d have thought they were abandoned, they were in that poor of shape. Doors hung off hinges, and many didn’t have panes in their windows anymore. It was the worst part of Astana, and of course, the place she wanted to help the most.

Because of course she didn’t want to make my life easy.

“One of us always escorts her. In and out, no questions, no money. Nothing.” I should have known better.

“So, three people who are highly visible as the queen’s companions? Hanwen fucking help me. And today’s patient?” he asked, walking out on Tembris with his head down, considerably calmer than just a moment before. A predator on the prowl, his grip on his sword didn’t change.

“Uh, a woman. I know that. Dickey?” I asked the boy who huffed as he kept our pace, Shivani a few steps behind him.

“The one whose husband…” He trailed off.

“Fuck.” We were in such deep, unyielding shit.

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