Page 114 of Between Despair and Hope

Haunting grey eyes appeared in my mind, dark brown hair pulled back into a severe bun. A sacrifice. I’d thought of her words frequently since that day, especially after what happened at the Cascade.

They suspect you are not what you appear.

Had she known I would be the Beloved? Had the seer known? Told Miriam she had to die—for me? To fulfill the prophecy and bring peace? Watching Elora sleep, not yet waking, I’d thought of my success in bringing her back. I’d started her heart, just as I was supposed to do for the mistress. I might have been able to save her, and the knowledge of it cut deeper than having to do it in the first place.

“Deal with the drunk. We’re not taking him.”

“Why bother? He’s worthless. Just leave him here,” Andron, the man who clamped the collar around my throat, said as he sat up, straddling my hips. I bucked, trying to throw him off. My arms were trapped beneath me, still tied at the wrists and tucked under my chin from healing myself, but I tried to push up on my elbows. I couldn’t do much before Andron threw me back down to the ground. His knee pressed into the center of my back, and my face slammed to the ground, blood and dust mixing into small clumps beneath my cheek. His full weight on my back was painful, and my breaths grew labored.

“He knows the route we are taking, and I don’t want them compelling him for the answer.” Filenti looked down at me, a sneer on his face. “Can’t have her getting free.”

“I told you we should have taken her that day.”

The master I woke up to, the trimmed beard and amber eyes, had scrambled backward after I fell onto his dagger. From where I was pinned, all I could see was his leg and my blood saturating his pants. I felt dizzy from blood loss or the knee to my back; I wasn’t sure.

“You know we had to be certain, Tor. I wasn’t going to deal with—”

“I know, I know. How do you know she isn’t already with child?”

“She had her courses last week, and he hasn’t slept in her bed since. It will be fine.”

Though I was growing drowsy, barely able to follow their words, the confidence in his voice surprised me, and my eyes snapped to his.

“She wonders how I know that,” Filenti said, tilting his head as he knelt, a fingertip reaching out to brush my hair off my face. I reared back as much as I could with Andron on top of me, not wanting the stain of his touch. “Servants like to gossip,dear heart.”

I thrashed, trying once more to push the gag out of my mouth with my tongue.

“Careful. You’ll break open that pretty neck again,” Filenti said, thick dark brows arching in mock concern. “I quite like my own, so we need to go. Andron, deal with him.” Filenti nodded toward the drunken man as he pulled himself to his feet.

Andron finally climbed off me, and I could take a deep breath, though the burn around my neck stifled it. My chest hurt as I breathed, and I wondered if a rib was broken. Rolling onto my side, out of my smeared blood, I stared at the ceiling as I found my bearings. Being deprived of oxygen, blood, and divinity left me weak. The wind outside roared, though it could have been the ache in my head, and horses spooked outside. The first master, Tor, approached me, and pulled me up to my feet, a rough hand positioned in the crook of my arm, and led us to where Filenti stood.

“What do you want me to do with him?” Andron asked as he knelt over Francine’s husband.

“You have a dagger. What do you think?” Filenti said, as he grasped my other arm, pulling me tight against him. He brought his mouth low, close to my ear. “Why didn’t you bring Miriam back? Restart her heart?” Though I was already shivering, my cloak discarded and clothes soggy thanks to the snow, goosebumps of disgust traveled down my spine. My hands were even more numb than before, and I clasped them together, threading my fingers for warmth. Filenti rubbed a hand down my arm, and my stomach roiled. Movements still sluggish, I jerked away from him.

“We know you can, so why didn’t you? Because she was part of the Myriad? One of us?” He yanked on my arm, hard, and I stumbled into him, unable to catch myself properly with my wrists tied. The master steadied me before grasping me by the chin, bruising me as he turned my head, and I cried out in pain around the fabric in my mouth. “You wouldn’t have been able to take the vow of silence. Pitiful creature. Your sister was far more obedient.”

I blinked, taken by surprise for just a second. And when Filenti laughed, I took the opportunity I had, the one and only moment I might get, and kicked him as hard as I could in the side of his knee. And he fell. I swung out again, aiming for his chest, but he grabbed my foot, pulling me to the ground with him. I was kicking furiously, grunting and screaming through the gag. Tor stumbled over, reaching for my hands, and I reared back before swinging my head forward and bashing him in the skull. It hurt, and when I fell back, the reverberations rippled through me.

On instinct, I attempted to reach out and listen for the heart of anyone who might be outside. The only salvation I could think of. And of course, I heard nothing because of the collar. Given we were in a mill house, the millstone and flour giving it away, I knew we were on the outskirts of the capital, and I’d be lucky if anyone was nearby. I tried to pull myself up, but I was still shaking—from cold, blood loss, bashing my head against both Tor and the ground. It took me a beat to understand. Rain. He shouldn’t have expected me until dinnertime, and it was still far too light outside, even with the snowstorm. But still, I felt the rumbling in the earth. It grew stronger by the second, and I knew he was on his way to me. My relief found its way out of me in the form of hot tears burning a trail down my frozen cheeks.

The ground shook hard, rattling the wooden shelves on the wall. I wasn’t sure if Rain just didn’t bother to control it, hoping to intimidate, or if he truly couldn’t while knowing I was in danger. It didn’t matter. The result would be the same.

“Andron, come on. Make the rift.” Having finished off the man I’d half-killed myself, Andron stood and obeyed. I wasn’t going to let them take me anywhere. Tor was doubled over, nursing the broken nose I’d probably given him, when the door burst open and knocked him over. Bright and blinding, light poured in, the wind whipping through, making it harder to see as it carried the snow with it.

Momentarily distracted, Filenti’s hands closed around my ankles once more, and I started kicking. I didn’t fight for myself, but for my family instead. Rain was still dealing with the nightly torments from his time in Folterra, and I couldn’t let this happen to him too. He wouldn’t come back from it. I was worried enough as it was that he wouldn’t come back from his time in the dungeons. But if I was taken from him? It would only get worse. Elora was still finding her footing in this new world, and she’d need me. It was with determination to see him through his pain and see her through this transition that I fought, the rumble in the ground growing louder and more forceful.

The door stayed open, wind and snow whipping around the room. I was so gods damn cold, but fear and fury heated my body. Filenti lost his grip on one leg but held onto the other while I kicked out, my boot making contact with his eye.

“You bitch,” he spat as he let go of me. Scrambling backward, I did my damnedest to slide my wrist out of the rope. I’d be able to do more if I had both hands. Andron dropped the rift he’d made, clearly unable to hold it open without his full concentration. I scrambled to my feet as both he and Tor, blood running down his face, approached me, and I backed away until I stumbled into the millstone.

I could barely stand, the ground shaking so forcefully, and I struggled to balance without being able to grab onto anything. I only had to make it a few more moments. Rain would rift the second he could. He’d get here and stop them. Just a little while longer, and I would have his help.

Tor realized it too, rushing me as he said, “Rift, now.”

In the scuffle, my gag had come loose to an extent, falling down my chin.

“Your plan won’t fucking work,” I choked out as I thrashed beneath Tor, my legs pinned by his upper body. “I can’t have more children,” I said, not sure if it was a lie.

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