Page 119 of Between Despair and Hope

“Sometimes, I think—do you think if I didn’t have my light, you and Mama would have ended up together again sooner? If we got to stay at Ravemont?”

“Elora, I’m not sure that’s worth thinking about. I know we’re certainly not thinking about it, so neither should you.”

“But—”

“No. There’s no way to know what might have happened differently, and letting our minds wander down that path won’t take us anywhere worthwhile. All we can do is take what we have now and live in these moments.” His voice was firm, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. Did he blame my light? Or was it something else? “We shouldn’t waste the time we’ve been given.”

“Alright,” I agreed, not feeling quite satisfied. “Uh, well, in that case. Can you rift me back to the estate?” I asked. “I’m supposed to be training. You could join us?”

“I’d love to. Do we need to leave now?”

“I only have fancy princess dresses here, so yes, we should probably go now.”

A crisp nod and an easy smile had him up from his seat in a moment. While I waited for him to get his cloak, I wondered why I was ever frightened of him.

“This is so awkward,” Theo whispered beside me, and I snorted. “I thought they were friends. The captain is his Second, isn’t he?”

“He is. I don’t know. I think it’s something to do with Mama secretly healing people.”

Rainier and Dewalt were supposed to be showing different sword grips, but really it had turned into the two of them arguing over which ones were better or worse and why. Theo and I hadn’t been listening for the past several minutes, but I didn’t think they noticed.

“I heard something in the barracks, but I don’t know if it’s true.”

“Tell me,” I replied.

“Well, the queen was supposedly helping people in the Wend.”

“The Wend?”

“Er, it’s not the best area in the city. Lots of criminals and just not a good place to go for anybody, let alone the queen. And something bad happened last night. I think she got hurt.”

“She’s fine. I saw her inside when I was changing. Her and Dewalt were talking about something, but she seemed fine.”

“She can heal herself, silly. Of course she’s fine. Doesn’t mean she didn’t get hurt.”

“Alright, fine. But still,” I whispered.

“Let me see the stance Dewalt has taught you both.” Rainier commanded, clearly irritated with his friend. Both Theo and I moved, bending our front foot at the knee and keeping our back leg straight.

“Chin down, Elora,” Dewalt reminded me, and I obeyed.

“Now your swords,” Rainier added, and we held our wooden practice swords in the stance we preferred to start with. Dewalt had shown us a few and let us pick which one felt most natural to us.

“Elora should be in a guarding stance,” Rainier said. “Theo is fine doing overhand.”

“She wanted to start on the offensive, and I agree,” Dewalt argued.

I looked at my friend out of the corner of my eye and had to try hard not to laugh.

“Relax,” Dewalt sniped.

“I like it better when Thyra trains us,” Theo whispered as we stepped away from the arguing men.

“Me too. She said we can go to the bookstore today if I wanted. Do you want to come with us?”

“Always,” he said, and I noticed the tips of his ears go pink. “I like spending time with you.”

“And I, you.” I ignored the meaning behind his words. He hadn’t tried to kiss me again, thank the gods, but I had a feeling I’d have to talk to him about it.

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