Page 122 of Between Despair and Hope

Now, having spent my birthday alone this year (it was quite sad), I was hoping you’d consider making your absence up to me by allowing me to create the most wonderful of illusions for you for your own birthday before I return to Folterra. I know it’s early, and your birthday is months away, and I know I have no right to ask this of you. What I did was unforgivable. But ever since you told me about your last birthday, I’ve been thinking about a way to make this one special for you.

It had horrified him that I didn’t have a cake for my birthday. I had to explain it wasn’t the cake that upset me, but that Papa had forgotten to pick it up. I never thought he actually understood, though, considering his father probably never once cared about his birthday. Mama had been working for Mairin that week after an accident at the forge, and she’d asked him to do one simple task for my birthday. After she apologized to me, I had heard her harsh whispers for an hour while I hid away upstairs.

Once I leave for Folterra, I won’t bother you again. If you never want to speak to me or think of me ever again, no one would blame you. I wanted to give you plenty of time to decide.

The gift in the box is something that made me think of you, but I must divulge there is an ulterior motive to it. I had it enchanted by an elvish woman. I have a matching one, and it will warm when you wear yours. If I find mine heating, I’ll assume you’ll welcome me into an illusion. I can’t exactly check any other way, considering the king has banished me from his estate.

I will understand if you choose to melt it down and turn it into a talisman of hatred for me, or if you have your parents open a rift over the ocean and drop it. But for my sake, I’ll be hoping and pretending you’ll consider my offer and allow me to truly apologize.

Fretfully and frightfully yours,

Cy

Inside the package was a delicate bracelet made of white gold with four tiny sapphires shaped to resemble leaves in the center. I stared at it for a long moment,toolong, before closing the lid and shoving it into my nightstand. That it wasn’t its beauty causing my fingertips to hover was more frightening than I cared to admit.

Chapter 36

Emmeline

ThenightRainwalkedthrough that rift into the palace, I realized I was going to have to be more aggressive in my approach. I’d given him time and space, but it felt like every step forward came with two steps back. Every time I felt him pulling away, he searched me for a sign that it was actually me, not the shifter. Any kind of strong emotion had him worrying. And I decided exactly what I needed to do to help remove his fear.

I’d been patient and understanding, but it wasn’t getting any better, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t continue living in this loneliness. I needed my partner, my equal, and I needed him to understand that. The day after he left the estate, I ran my idea past Dewalt, and he agreed it could only help. He wasn’t as optimistic as I was, but he did what I asked of him and made the arrangements. The elven woman met with me the next day, and I was thrilled, if scared, to continue on my plan. That had been yesterday, and today I’d gone through with it. It was one more step toward making Rain see me and know it was me without hesitation. It wouldn’t fix things, but it would make a difference. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to convince him I would use my divinity against him, but if I could make him more confident to be around me, it was a start.

“I told you it hurts like hell,” Dewalt said, raising his voice from beside me.

“You didn’t say it would be this bad,” I whined.

He laughed, and I gritted my teeth the final few moments of the ride back home. Turning up the long drive, the tall trees lining either side, I finally caught sight of the estate. I’d never tire of seeing it. It stood out starkly against the sparkling snow, and I was eager to witness it in all the seasons. The grey-stone sparkled, frost settling in the crevices, and the rich oak accents and covered porch were nothing if not inviting.

The estate had been painfully quiet the past few days, Mairin my only company. Rain had called Deandra and Melisse back once he’d returned from Darkhold, but Melisse had handed in her resignation after what happened with Filenti. Considering a gossiping servant had provided them with personal information, I was happy to accept. I doubted she’d had evil intent, but it still hurt. With Rain staying in our quarters in the palace, and Elora exploring the suite he’d had readied specifically for her, I was lonely. But it gave me time to sort out my own emotions about the distance with Rain, and what I planned to do about it.

Thyra and Dickey made their way across the lawn from the stables, trudging through the snow. Dickey had thrown himself prostrate at my feet the morning after the ordeal with Filenti, tears and snot running down his face as he begged forgiveness. No matter how many times I told him to stop, he wouldn’t have it and had been doing more than I asked from him, going out of his way to do things for me. He had been giving special care to Bree, and it seemed he intended to continue with that endeavor as he approached my mare. Gentle with him, she suffered through his attentions.

I caught sight of Sterling standing on the porch and was surprised by the worry across his features until I saw Rain step out from behind him, hands in pockets and a cloak billowing in the wind, his face a calm mask. No crooked smile graced his features, and his nod was crisp. It startled me, not expecting him, and when I traced the bond, curious about his emotional state, I realized he had it locked down. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. Whatever he felt wasn’t overwhelming him, though, or else he wouldn’t have been able to stop me from feeling it.

I stared for a long moment, equal parts confused and angry. Shutting me out like that wasn’t something I would have expected from him, even in his weakest moments. It hurt far more than I ever would have thought. I only had a moment to sit with the notion when I felt a hand slap to my thigh.

“Come on,” Dewalt said, reaching for my hips. Normally, I would have had a funny remark to toss at him, not allowing him to help me. But my shoulder ached, so I was grateful for the assistance, not wanting to move more than I had to. Twisting my other leg over the saddle, I allowed my friend to grab me by the waist and pull me down.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, keeping his hands on me.

I shook my head, confused, before blinking up at him. “Yes? Are we asking stupid questions today?”

He chuckled, leaning past me to grab my pack from Bree, but pressed surprisingly close against me. “I’m going to encourage the man,” he whispered, close enough to my ear to make me shiver.

“Dewalt, no,” I said, but he ignored me as he placed my pack on my good shoulder, delicate in his touch. “I don’t know why you think that’s going to do something.”

“It might, it might not.” His hair fell down into his eyes, black silk he’d left unbound. A mischievous grin crossed his face as he leaned closer, using cool fingertips to tuck a strand of my hair over my ear as he brushed a kiss to my cheek.

“Enough,” I said, but the word was lost in the wind as a rift opened behind Dewalt, and Rain stomped through, anger and jealousy slipping down the bond even as he fought to keep it tamped down. “Rain, he’s just—”

Rain grabbed Dewalt by the collar and turned him around, punching him in the face with a loud smacking sound.

“Rain, don’t!” I shouted, frustrated with both men. Dewalt was on the ground as Rain stood over him, chest heaving. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, he’s serious,” Dewalt said, scrambling to his feet. “You should move.”

I crossed my arms, having every intention to ignore him. But then he dove at Rain, shoulder slamming into his midsection, and both men were on the ground within a moment. Rain pounded on Dewalt’s back, his skull, fighting against the man who pinned him. Dewalt reared back and punched Rain in the head, hard, and the sound made me feel ill. The horses both spooked, cantering away toward the stable, and Dickey went chasing after them.

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