Page 13 of Between Despair and Hope

That was ominous. “Lucky me. And when will that be?”

“Oh, I gave them until the full moon. Three weeks from now, in case you’ve lost count.”

“I’ll write it on my schedule.” Hopefully, I’d be dead before then, and Shivani would cease negotiations. Though, if she made whatever deal he spoke of, it wouldn’t be too hard to fake my presence, Declan continuing to make demands with nothing to trade but my corpse. The corpse of an uncrowned king. I supposed it was even, one king’s death for another. “Will I be invited to your coronation as well?”

He laughed, head tilted back against the wall. “I admit I might have cocked that one up, lad. It already happened. If I’d have known you’d wanted to attend, I would have made sure of it. Given you a place of honor at the dinner afterwards. Do you suppose they’ll call me the Death King? Death Prince was rather dreadful. I want something original. Ooh, I wonder if Bloody King will still suit you if you never draw blood as the king.” He tilted his head to the side as he moved closer to me. “Did you know you have nightmares, Rainy?”

Of course I fucking knew I had nightmares. The past week I’d been finding Em in the caves, but I was too late. Her body would be bloated and floating, her eyes open and milky. Every time. Sometimes her corpse spoke to me, sometimes it didn’t. Now and then, I had a nightmare about Lucia or Elora; I could never tell which. I knew Elora looked like her, so my mind struggled to figure out an image for her. Half the time it was Lucia with curly hair and no face, her skin smooth across her skull. The worst part about the nightmares was the fact I’d never have Elora’s actual face to replace that image with.

He nudged my foot with his boot.

“Do you want to talk about it, son?” He put on a gruff voice and moved his hands to his hips. Fuck, I hated him. I spat at him again, this time making contact with his shin. He made a sound of disgust but otherwise didn’t react. “You sure have quite the temper. I guess you are young yet.” He crossed his arms, tilting his head as he softened his voice. “You cry out for her, you know. It is rather sweet, if you pretend she isn’t filth. I can’t quite get past the fact she allowed herself to be impregnated by the man her sister was engaged to.” All I did was glare at him. “And to think, you never got to meet the girl. My little sister was quite fond of her. She was a rather pretty girl, if coarse. I suppose that’s what happens when a child is raised by a whore in a shack, though.”

“Don’t fucking call her that.” He merely raised a brow, nonplussed. “No, you bastard, I didn’t get to meet Elora. And now they’re both dead, so just kill me already, alright? There can’t be anything you want more than my death.” He tsked at me and backed up to the wall, casually leaning against it and studying me.

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, my friend. On more than one account.” I just stared at him as I mentally reviewed my words. The only other thing which could have been wrong—I stopped the line of thought, not wanting to believe what he was seeming to insinuate. I couldn’t take it if I was wrong. “The two inaccuracies are related, funny enough. Vesta has something I want more than your death. And it’s your woman. Though, Shivani made me a different offer I must consider.”

I stopped breathing for just a moment. Em had made it? My eyes watered, and I pinched myself, hoping the pain would bring me back from that weakness. I couldn’t let Declan see it. I watched him, waiting for him to go on.

“Don’t get too excited. Your wife is alive, but your child is quite dead. One of my soldiers was close enough to see, and he told me there was more blood than you could have imagined.”

I gritted my teeth. “She killed your father for doing it. She’ll kill you too.”

“Ah, another point in which you are mistaken.”

He left without another word.

“Rainier, wake up.” The voice was a whisper, hot in my ear. The fog was dense in the room, and it was hard for me to open my eyes, that sensation of feeling both heavy and light all at once. I felt groggy, like I was in a cloud, and I could smell draíbea, the thick mint and cherry scent sliding down the back of my throat. I was leaning against a wall, but there was a weight on me as I opened my eyes. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

Emma was sitting in my lap, eyes close to me as she looked into mine. The same perfect shade of blue, just a bit more aquamarine than the Mahowin Sea. She leaned in and kissed my jaw, moving down my neck. I put my hands on her hips even though I knew this was a hallucination from the smoke. There was no way I wasn’t still in the hell of a dungeon at Darkhold, and there was no way she was here with me. She pulled herself from my neck, cupping my face as she kissed me.

I was so tired and slow. How much draíbea had they burned in the room? If I felt like this—weak to the point of barely able to move—it had to have been a lot. I was hallucinating, but since I missed her, I let it play out. Lately, I’d been trying to rouse myself from dreams of her, knowing they often turned into nightmares. They all started with me going through a rift to find her, nearly drowning over and over. I’d never seen her alive in my dreams. Perhaps I was having this hallucination because of the relief I felt, knowing she was alive. I immediately felt guilty thinking about it. There should have been no relief at all in my grief—not with my daughter dead. I’d never felt more at odds with myself.

She rolled her body against mine, and I felt myself harden beneath her. Fuck, how was this fake Emma just as mesmerizing? I traced my hands over her arms, up her neck, and grasped the back of her head and kissed her. Gods, I missed her mouth. I slid my tongue to the seam of her lips, bartering for entrance, when an ice cold hand gripped me by the top of the head and slammed it back against the wall. A surprisingly warm hand pressed against my forehead, smaller compared to the one which still held my head.

“What the fuck?”

“Hold still, Rainier. It hurts less that way. You haven’t had a memory taken before?” The face which spoke belonged to Emma, but the voice did not match. I felt something sharp against my stomach and attempted to look down. A cool, sharp touch of metal hit my neck, and I knew she wielded a knife in each hand. “No, no, Rainier. The mindbreaker is taking a memory for me to use later. The lava stone blocks her, so we had to move you out here.” I looked out of the corner of my eye to see a different corridor of the dungeons, one without basalt. The blade pressed against my neck. “Don’t even think about it. I’ll slice your throat before you can even move. And then I’ll let Zen do what he wants with you.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a massive body attached to the hand on my head. I couldn’t make out much, but I noticed an odd smell. Almost like dirt or decaying vegetation. Next to the great oaf, I saw another woman, nondescript with mouse brown hair and eyes. She was the one with her hand on my forehead while Emmeline, or the shifter who stole her form, straddled me with her knife pressed against my artery. I didn’t dare call her bluff. Just yesterday, I would have, hoping she’d go through with it, but now I knew Em had survived, and I couldn’t let that happen.

“What is your biggest regret as the Bloody Prince?” The mindbreaker asked.

I couldn’t help it as my mind flickered to thoughts of skirmishes on Varmeer, memories rushing to the forefront of my mind, unbidden. I had pushed those thoughts so far away, but they were being pulled to the surface, harsh and quick. The worst one froze in my mind, allowing me to see the broken and bloodied body. No, I would not think about that. I stared at my wife’s eyes, a stunningly accurate impersonation, willing my mind to go blank.

“What is your biggest regret as the Bloody Prince?”

Honey-brown eyes flashed into my mind. A boy.

“Fuck you.” I turned my head toward the woman asking, and I felt the shifter in my lap press down hard.

“Who was that boy? Did you kill him?”

Unseeing eyes and a small, limp body.

“Fuck. You.”

“Did you do that to him?”

---