Page 131 of Between Despair and Hope

“Are you going to tell me?”

“Why would I tell you? You’ll probably try to hold it against me.”

“Is there a way to hold someone’s name against them?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure you’ll find a way. You seem bound and determined to hate me.”

I sighed, rubbing my face. Maybe it was time to turn over a new leaf in all aspects. “Listen, I’ll be straightforward with you. That dead first love? Lucia Highclere.”

“I know that. Martyr Lucia,” she whispered.

“So you know why she died.”

“Because she was the Beloved.”

“She wasn’t, though, was she? And I don’t know if they thought she might be one day, or what, but the Myriad said she was, so she was a target. And she died. Whether they meant it or not, the Myriad is responsible for her death.”

“I can understand why you’d think that.”

“You can probably also understand then why anyone in the Myriad makes my fucking skin crawl.”

“Did Lucia willingly tie herself to the Myriad?”

“No. They forced her into it when she was small. Eight or so, I believe.”

“And her parents chose that life for her?”

“Yes.”

“Will it humanize me for you to know she and I have that in common?”

“I shouldn’t need to hear that to humanize you,” I mumbled, feeling guilty.

“No,” she agreed. “Most novices get to choose. But I didn’t. We ran from my father, and this was where we ended up. My mother was devout, and they helped us.”

“I suppose it was probably the lesser of two evils.”

She nodded and was silent for a while. Finally, the dormitory came into sight on the edge of the city. It was strange to be out this far, away from the bustle, but it was the only place Emma had found to build it. The council had wanted to give her an old barracks, but she’d gotten her way and had built a new home for the displaced women.

“Honor,” she said.

“What?”

“Nor is short for Honor.”

“Your name is Honor,” I repeated, a brow raised.

“I told you my mother was devout. She preferred to worship Hanwen, even though our divinity comes from Ciarden.”

“The mind-speaking. My divinity is from Ciarden too. Hanwen, though. That surprises me.”

“Why?”

“Most women prefer Aonara or Rhia. Not the God of Wrath. War.”

“Justice and honor. Fairness. She—she made a lot of mistakes, but she wanted to be like Hanwen. Even after she started doing the things they forced on her, she hated it. I think it’s what got her killed and me sent to Folterra.”

“She was part of the trafficking?”

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