Page 132 of Between Despair and Hope

We had reached the dormitory, but neither of us moved.

“Yes. Filenti forced her. She had smuggled out some of the younger girls he had selected. She’d always done what they said to do since she was a mistress, but those girls were young—thirteen or fourteen—so she refused. I was sent to Folterra the next week. I don’t think her death was natural like they said.”

“They?”

“The novices left behind after Filenti got caught. A fit of apoplexy, they said.”

My stomach dropped. A mistress who died suspiciously?

“What was her name?”

“Miriam.”

Chapter 38

Emmeline

Ilookeddownatour pile of bags and wood in the snow and then looked back up at Rain. He was bringing one last armful of kindling over, having told me to sit on a rock and wait. Though relatively smooth, the stone was cold, and my ass was freezing. Normally, I would have helped, but I was exhausted. Sore too. He’d been quiet, almost reticent, after he thought he’d hurt me when he tackled me in the snow. I didn’t bother trying to address it. There was no point. Patient and undeterred, I would wait for him, even if it killed me in small amounts every day.

“Now, if this isn’t alright, just say so, but I don’t think we have another choice. Without a tent, it makes the most sense—out of the wind, no snow—“

“I already said it’s fine,” I sighed. Truly, I was too tired to care.

“Are you sure?” When he saw my facial expression, he gave me a crooked smile and turned to open the rift without another word.

If I thought the cavern on the eastern side of the Alsors was beautiful during the day, it was transcendent at night. A narrow streak of moonlight shone down into the shallow pool, and the glow of the moonfish shimmered off the stone walls. Breathtaking, the luminescent sparkle the creatures gave off was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. No wonder they were thought to be god-touched. My divinity hummed, calling out to the cavern, and I rose from my seat on the stone and grabbed our packs.

“Do you feel that?” I whispered, and he cocked his head.

“I—maybe? It feels…different,” he said. “It’s faint.”

My divinity rose to a fever pitch, and I was sure my chest was vibrating. “It’s not faint for me. It’s frenetic. Wild.”

I took a step forward, about to walk through, when I felt his hand on my wrist.

“It doesn’t feel unsafe, does it? Not like the Seat, right?”

“No, no, nothing like that. My divinity wants to be in there. As if maybe it could…rest.”

He let go as I pushed ahead, one foot in front of the other, unbothered. The pull of my divinity and the fact I’d been there before and had been able to leave made it easier for me. I knew how to rift now, and the cavern did feel safe. When I stepped through, my divinity settled and calmed, almost like it dispersed to fill the area. Rain followed behind, lugging armfuls of wood and letting the rift close behind him. I sighed, rubbing at my chest. It was as if a pressure had been lifted. I’d been forcing myself to use more divinity than I normally would, just to keep it at bay. But here, I felt peaceful.

I moved closer to the small pool in the center, crouching to see the moonfish as they bumped blindly around, their glowing scales casting opalescent light around them. I heard Rain setting up the logs nearby, using the hole in the cavern above us to vent the smoke as he lit it with his light.

“You know,” he said, “I wish I didn’t have the fire. I expected to have your healing and harrowing. Nothing more. It’s not fair to complain. You didn’t ask for this either. But the fire…It’s not something I enjoy using.”

I didn’t turn to look at him, skittish. One wrong move and he’d shut me out and stop talking. “Because of Soren?” I asked, dipping a fingertip into the water as he built up the fire behind me. I could feel its heat, hotter than a standard fire because of the divine flames, and the light cast our silhouettes upon the wall in front of me. Rain was crouched, facing the fire itself, and I watched the curve of his strong back carved out in stark relief on the stone.

“Mmm, partially. Because of him, but also because of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the Beloved. The gods blessed you, not me. I shouldn’t have this. I don’t want the shadows either. All this belongs to you.”

The moonfish started swimming down the stream, out toward the lake. I wasn’t sure if they didn’t like the light or the heat, but I stood and watched the pond clear over several moments as I thought over what Rain said.

“All but one of my blessings came after we performed the ritual. The shadows and light belong to you just as much as they belong to me. And you were part of my first blessing—with Rhia and Elora.” I hesitated, not sure if I should share the rest with him. “She came to me in a dream while you were gone.”

I watched his shadow as he stood, removing his cloak and putting his hands in his pockets as he spoke.

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