Page 140 of Between Despair and Hope

He slid deep and froze, leaning forward and gathering me close in his arms. I wrapped my legs tight around him. There was no room between us, no space for unspoken words. The bond between us trembled and sparked, matching the electric energy of our divinity.

“And when you gave in, I left again, didn’t I?” he whispered into my neck, voice thick. “I didn’t mean to this time, Em.”

He moved slowly, pumping in and out of me. He brushed my hair out of the way and was careful as he kissed the ink on my skin. Unlike the marks on my feet, burned upon me when I’d tried to run from Faxon, this was a brand I’d chosen. His and his alone. There would be no one else, regardless of his propensity to leave me, physically or otherwise.

“Never again.” He vowed with gentle thrusts. He’d sworn first with words and now wrote promises on my flesh, and our trust—a fraught, tenuous thing—budded and flowered. I hoped one day, that trust would be second-nature, that we wouldn’t have to try for it, but I’d work every day to have it with him.

He grabbed my thighs, spreading my legs farther. “Need to get deeper,” he grunted as he attempted to do just that. Lifting one leg so my foot rested on the ledge, I opened up for him even more. The ache was deep and thorough as he pushed into places I didn’t realize were possible.

“Rain,” I panted, and he lifted his gaze so his eyes met mine.

“Mine,” he uttered, choked with emotion, and I watched as a tear broke from his lashes and its descent cracked my heart in two. Swiping my thumb over it, I cupped his jaw, pulling his mouth to mine.

“Always,” I whispered on his lips. And then they were on mine, and words didn’t matter anymore. Promises didn’t matter. Past hurts and haunts meant nothing when we came together this way. His tongue sought entrance, and I opened for him. He stole my moan with his mouth as he slid his hand between us once more, circling my clit with force.

“Give it to me,” he muttered against my lips.

My body tightened, a taut thread about to snap. The building pleasure rolled through me, causing goosebumps.

“Too much, too much,” I whispered, closing my eyes. My legs shook as he continued his movements, and, arms around his neck, I pulled him close, attempting to still his hand with the press of our bodies. It only seemed to stir him further.

“Need to feel you fall apart.” He nipped my jaw and nuzzled into my neck, lips moving against fevered skin. “It’s me you come for, my cock filling you, my name written on your gods damn soul.”

“Only you. Only ever you,” I groaned as warmth traversed my spine. I’d never had such intense pleasure build up for so long, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Our divinity sang, and I could feel the harmonic melding of our souls. The cavern amplified all of it, and lightning danced along my pebbled skin. When I opened my eyes, I saw their glowing reflection in Rain’s own. Faint whorls of light came to life on my skin, emitting a gentle glow. The light was soft, so unlike the divine fire I could call to my hand.

“A shooting star. Did you fall from Damia just for me?” He pressed his lips to my luminescent skin, unaffected by the sight as he wrote his urgency on my clit with skilled fingertips.

Chest full, my breathing quickened, and my mouth dropped open on a silent scream. The pressure between my legs relieved in a final crash, long and complete, and my body moved of its own accord, folding backward. It was too much. A cool breeze blew through the cavern from the lake, and even the touch of air was too much for my overstimulated skin. I was sobbing, though no tears fell, overwhelmed with the touch.

“Perfect,” Rain grunted as he moved inside me with a fury while my body pulsed around him. “Squeezing me so gods damn tight—fuck.”

Tears formed in my vision as he barreled into me. Deep, forceful thrusts as he panted on my lips had me crying out. My fading release climbed once more, sooner and more forcefully than I’d have thought possible. I groaned, shock moving through me as scars of light on my body pulsed along to my heartbeat.

“Another. Give me another, dear heart,” he demanded.

“I can’t,” I gasped.

“You can, and you will.”

He gently lowered me, laying me flat on the ground while pulling me closer to the edge of the pool where he stood. One hand on my thigh and the other moving against that sensitive spot, giving me the friction I needed to give him what he wanted. I reached up, using both hands to grab my breasts, pinching my nipples and giving myself the small pain to go along with the overwhelming pleasure. And when that pressure burst, and I came screaming his name, Rain finished too, a loud, stuttering moan on his lips as he spilled into me. He panted as he looked down at me, brows gathered in the middle with his mouth open. Eyes soft, his gaze slid over me, blissful. He gave a soft sigh of contentment before collapsing forward into my embrace, his head resting between my breasts.

I slid my fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp, relishing the closeness I’d been craving, I’d been dying for. I closed my eyes as my divinity settled, slowing with my breaths. Rain’s breathing slowed as well, and we laid like that for long moments until I finally realized he’d fallen asleep half-standing and still inside me.

When I roused him, his eyes met mine, and he said, “Mine.”

Chapter 39

Lavenia

Ihadn’tintendedonconfronting Dewalt. Reflecting on those early years when it was just the three of us helped me understand why I felt the way I did. I hadn’t resented him back then, would never have made him feel like he was a burden. But now that he seemed stable, and had been that way for a while, it seemed safe to tell him what I’d been feeling all those years.

There was something to be said about feeling like a caretaker of someone else’s happiness; it could make you forget about your own. I hated seeing him and my brother hurt. I didn’t resent them, not truly. But it was seeing Dewalt nearly kill himself by accident a few times which set me on edge, and when I suspected he was going to do it on purpose? I stopped sleeping soundly.

I’d been close with Lucia, so when she grew close with Dewalt, so did I. He became my best friend too. The three of us had been attached to one another. Even though they grew feelings for each other, I’d never felt as if I was intruding or an afterthought. But once she died, a part of him did too. It became my responsibility to make sure the rest of him didn’t. It was something I was far too young for. Who could I go to? My brother was nearly as bad. No, it was up to me to keep them whole. And I hadn’t wanted thanks or needed it. I’d craved no sort of recognition for anything. But the unceremonious way in which he dumped the bond had hurt my feelings. It reminded me of how little they thought of me during those years.

It was a gods damn relief to tell him. I hadn’t realized how heavy it had been weighing on me. I wouldn’t take any of it back, wouldn’t have changed any of my actions, but my realization had me demanding what I deserved.

It was a huge change for me, and I surprised myself when I’d said it.

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