Page 143 of Between Despair and Hope

“Godspeed.”

When I found Brenna and Mairin playing cards below deck, my stomach caved in on itself. Was it just the discomfort of seeing the woman I used to love sitting and talking to the woman I—well, who knows what I felt for her? Or was it something akin to jealousy? I didn’t want Brenna near Mairin, but what could I say?

“Finally. Done fucking around with Beau?” Brenna gritted out. Her pin-straight black hair was cut short in the back, falling at an angle to be longer in the front. Dark eyes I swore didn’t contain a fucking soul looked up at me, nearly black in the low light.

“Good to see you too, Brenna,” I deadpanned. I swore I saw Mairin smirk out of the corner of my eye, and I tried not to think about how every bone in my body was on high alert around her.

The air below deck was stale. It was almost too warm, even though the flight with Hyše had nearly frozen me solid. Emma and my brother both had fire to keep them warm, but I did not. But dozens of bodies below the deck made for cramped quarters and stagnant air. Or perhaps it was the heat of a certain merrow’s gaze on the side of my face. I hadn’t talked to her about our prior conversation, and I didn’t intend to anytime soon. I was sad about how things happened with Dewalt, but after getting my feelings out there and voicing them to him, it was almost freeing. And it made me consider what Brenna had said to Mairin, and what Mairin had agreed with.

I did need to find out who I was.

“Good isn’t the word I’d use.”

“Oh, cut the shit,” Mairin interrupted, to my surprise. “I didn’t sign up to be miserable for weeks while the two of you do whatever the fuck this is. Get it out of your systems now, or I’ll hold one of you under compulsion until we’re done.”

“I can compel too,” I pointed out.

“Yes, princess, but you don’t like to use your gifts.”

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

“You have five minutes.” We both just looked at the merrow. “I’m serious. I’m not putting up with this shit for weeks. Do your worst, then move on. I’ll cover my ears.”

I blinked as Mairin did just that, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.

“Believe me, I tried to get out of this. I don’t want to be around you just as much as you don’t want to be around me,” the dark-haired woman beside me murmured. She was short in stature, like Mairin, but that was where their similarities ended. Where Mairin was supple curves and soft, rounded stomach, Brenna was narrow and muscular. Both of their bodies were beautiful, but I’d have been lying if I said I wasn’t partial to the merrow. But that had nothing to do with, well, anything.

“I don’t care in one way or another about being around you. We both have a job to do, and I know you and Beau will do it well. I have just as much respect for you as I always did, though now I lack affection.”

She scoffed. “You didn’t respect me when we were together.”

“I did. Why would you say that?”

“If you respected me, you wouldn’t have led me to believe we had a future when you did not intend to be with only me. And then to come to me when Dewalt ended the bond? A smack in the fucking face.” Her laugh was cold. “And my stupid ass actually thought—”

“I shouldn’t have come to you. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”

“An apology. I should write this date down.”

“Come on, Bren. I don’t know what you want from—”

“You ladies done? I don’t want to hear any more bickering or I swear I’ll close your mouths for you. Your auras are hell to look at,” Mairin interrupted.

“What’s the strategy for the Sea Queen?” Brenna asked, switching directions with ease. She would probably do exactly as Mairin asked. But I was still itching from the conversation. She’d ended things withme. Should I have been quicker to end things with Dewalt or set her expectations differently? Absolutely. But when the subject had been broached, I felt like ending things with Dewalt meant things with her would be permanent from that point forward. I couldn’t end the thing he relied on without the best reason, and I didn’t know if she was that reason.

“She’ll come,” Mairin shrugged. “The ocean speaks to her. Once we get near her palace, I’ll dip a toe in, and she’ll come. Sentimental, my mother.” A cocky grin formed on her face as she looked at me, but I could tell she was nervous. “And as for strategy? There is nothing to do with her other than hope she doesn’t ask for too much.”

“What do you think she’ll want?” I asked.

“Probably me. Or perhaps you. I’m hoping neither, though.”

“Me?”

“She’ll have interest in any…friend of mine. But that cost is much too high. Your brother said to use reason, and we won’t be giving you to my mother. Don’t worry.”

“And you?”

“Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” Her smile seemed forced.

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