Page 152 of Between Despair and Hope

“Well, now you have to,” she said, grabbing my hands and tugging me closer. Always drawing my attention back to her.

“My mind just went to really dark places the last few weeks. They were all irrational and self-destructive. They’re embarrassing.”

She just stared up at me, blue eyes patient.

I sighed. “I didn’t let myself think about it too long, but you’re the closest thing to Lucia he has.”

“And you worried that since he couldn’t haveher…“ She trailed off.

“No, I didn’t truly worry. But I avoided him, avoided seeing the two of you together. And it’s stupid. You needed someone to comfort you, and I sure as fuck wasn’t doing it.”

“But you trusted me.”

“Of course I trusted you, Em.”

“Until you saw him help me off the horse.” Disappointment dripped from her words.

“No! I just hit my breaking point. And he knew it too. He was staring right at me, trying to rile me.”

She sighed, a chuckle betraying her serious demeanor. “Men. He did ask for the fight, I’ll admit. I told him to knock it off.”

“Thank you for that,” I laughed. “I think part of him was itching for a fight. We argued—we’re not donearguing over the Wend.“ I gestured between us. “You and Iare not done arguing about that.”

“We are nowhere near Astana tonight, so let’s hold off?” she asked, threading her fingers through my belt loops and pulling my body to press against hers.

“We are definitely not done talking about this, but, while you might not have told me what you were doing, I had secrets of my own.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Wend is a shithole, but it’s that way because?”

“I—there’s a lot of crime there.”

“Why is there crime there?” I prompted.

“I mean, I don’t know. I saw the city guard making rounds, but—”

“There aren’t a lot, and they’re green, too. The ones assigned to the Wend are put there because—”

“Because the people who’ve been part of the guard longer don’t want to be there,” she said.

“Precisely. Not to mention, I don’t know how many people have the guard in their pockets. I’ve actually been looking into it. Ever since you requested to start helping people there.” Shame coursed from her, and I ignored it, pressing on. “It makes little sense for the richest district with the lowest crime to have such a high percentage of the guard.”

“No, it doesn’t. But more members of the guard doesn’t feel like a solution.”

“You’re right. It’s not going to stop them from being poor, and that’s part of the problem. I’ve inherited quite a bit of shit from my father’s reign. I didn’t know where to start, but between the Wend and the sewers, I’ve been enacting plans to better Astana. I’m surprised we never ran into each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you never go toward the southern end of Tembris?”

“No,” she said, “Dewalt wouldn’t let me go that far. It was his hard limit.”

“I’ve been overseeing the restoration of the rowhouses on that end. Really, I already did this once before with the Cascade and Clearhill, but that was on a vastly smaller scale. I figured the first step was to make everything look nice, give people better housing, tidy everything up. We had to knock down one of the buildings, and I started plans for a garden. I, uh, hoped you’d help me with it.”

She played with a button on my shirt, a thoughtful look on her face. “Of course.”

“And, I’m working with Durand to form some sort of arrangement with experienced merchants who can help open some shops. There are people who could thrive here with a little help getting started. Maybe open some sort of market too? What do you think?”

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