Page 154 of Between Despair and Hope

“I didn’t know what to do with it at that age, so mostly I didn’t do anything,” she admitted. “She’s six in this next one.”

Trading out the portraits, the little girl looked much the same, and yet so different in the next one. Her curls had grown vulnerable to gravity and rested on her shoulders. The dimple was much more slight, and yet the artist had still captured it.

“She’s not smiling as much,” I mumbled.

“She was missing both her front teeth, and she didn’t like her smile.”

“Did she have a lisp? Ven had one when she lost her two front teeth.”

“A small one, yes.” Em’s whole face lit up as she smiled.

The two of us spent a while going through the remaining three portraits, and I was able to watch my girl grow in a way. Once finished, Em pulled a soft yellow blanket from the chest. It was in wonderful condition, and I found it hard to believe it was Elora’s from infancy.

“Mother made this for her. My father brought it with the news of her death.”

“Lady Highclere didn’t seem like the type to make anything.”

Em laughed, unfolding and refolding the blanket, yellow like butter. “No, she didn’t. But Father insisted it was her. I meant to ask Nana about that. Perhaps she made it instead.”

“How is Nana doing? I haven’t asked about her.” Hadn’t asked about a lot of things.

“She loves it. The girls in the dormitory love her, and it keeps her busy.” The woman was a great fit to help transition the novices back to life as free women. Emma had been wise to ask her to do it.

“I have a few more things in there to show you in the morning when it’s light out. Drawings and stories she wrote. Oh, wait,” she said as she placed everything else back in the trunk. “Look. I made this for her to wear on her first birthday.”

She stood, walking over a dress made for a doll. Yellow with white flowers and frilled edges, it couldn’t have fit a real child.

“It’s tiny.”

She laughed. “Elora was tiny, Rain. She was always small for her age.”

Not sure why it affected me more than any of the rest, I wrapped my arms around Em’s waist and pulled her close. Pressing my face into her chest, I inhaled. That faint lilac scent permeated through her clothes. The thought that the two of them were here for so long, vulnerable and unprotected, pained me. I was so gods damn lucky they were alright, and they were mine. Lucky I’d been given this chance.

“You did so good, Em.” I turned my head so she could hear me, but didn’t pull away. She gently pulled the dress out from between us and set it on the foot of the bed before wrapping her arms around my head. She straddled me, lowering herself to sit on my lap. My head slid up her chest, and I listened to her heart. A steady and calming beat met me, and I squeezed her tighter.

“I could have done much better with you,” she whispered.

“Not better, just different. She’s perfect, Em. You’re perfect.” I pressed a kiss between her breasts.

Suddenly, she gasped, and her heart raced. At first, I thought it was from my touch, anticipatory, but then I felt her anxiety.

“What is it?”

“What? Nothing.”

I pulled away and gave her a look. She sighed, hanging her head.

“I know you probably don’t want to sleep in here. We can sleep in Elora’s bed.”

I made a face, instantly repulsed. “I’m not going to make love to you in our daughter’s bed.”

She snorted. “You planned on making love to me tonight?”

“Every night I can, dear heart. I suppose I could make you come on the floor or against the wall if you don’t want to use the bed.”

“This bed, it…I don’t want to make you uncomf—”

“How many times have you finished in this bed? How many times did you ride your hand and think of me?”

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