Page 164 of Between Despair and Hope

“There you go. Servant to which of the gods?”

“You and your trick questions. Irses was no servant.”

“Yes, he was,” Rain argued, and I pulled my face away from the telescope and straightened as his hand rested on my hip. He’d leaned down beside me—too close.

“No,” I insisted. “Rhia released him from servitude.”

“But he was a servant before that, so my question still stands, Highclere.” His grin was both handsome and annoying. Though we both stood at our full heights, no longer huddled around the telescope, his hand hadn’t moved. I did my best not to draw his attention to it, in fear of him moving away.

“Hanwen.”

He cleared his throat to say something, smiling with a raised brow as I cut him off.

“And before that, Ciarden, and before that Aonara, but originally he was a servant to Rhia.”

He pursed his lips, clearly disappointed I hadn’t fallen for his trickery.

“I guess you do pay attention sometimes,” he grumbled.

“I’m always paying attention.”

“Well, that’s just not true.”

He withdrew his hand, slow, looking at me in a way I longed for and dreaded at the same time. The torch in the bracket had nearly burnt out, but I could see the heat in his green eyes. When the royals had returned the week prior, I’d been eager to get back to Rain teaching me constellations, but in the back of my mind I was more eager to learn him. He’d let his hair grow longer on the top, though still short on the sides, and some of the shining spirals spilled across his forehead. Not knowing what possessed me to do it, I reached up and pulled a curl down, watching it bounce when I let go.

He frowned, not quite annoyed.

“Em,” he said, voice full of something I suspected would break my heart. “In the fall, when Lucia and me—”

“What about it?”

“I won’t be here as often, and I—It’s all going to change,” he said, the sound of his heart nearly drowning out his words.

“You’re my best friend, Rain. That will not change.”

His throat bobbed, and he looked away.

“You’re my best friend too. I just—I wish things were different. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. I promise you won’t.”

Even if it killed me to know he’d bonded with my sister. Even if I only saw him once a year, even if I married and raised a family, even if I grew old and wrinkled and he didn’t age a day, he’d always be the person I would long to speak to and confide in. He’d become so much more than a friend over the past year, and I couldn’t bear to think it would end.

The beat of his heart thundered against the silence. Thick in the air between us, I could feel that change. I could see it just on the edge of my vision, golden and warm.

I was in love with him.

And wasn’t that just the worst trick of all?

Chapter 43

Rainier

Myfatherhadbeenill off and on for years before this past autumn, and I was used to seeing him frail. I harbored little affection for the man, so it didn’t bother me to see him that way. But it was different with Em and her father. Despite their estrangement, sorrow and regret filled our connection, and I wished I could take some of it from her like I did the pain. Holding her each night, I shared the load to ease her headache caused by the use of her divinity. Though she needed me to accompany her the day we arrived, the shock of seeing the man who raised her on his deathbed wore off, and she no longer required my presence. I still went with her, sometimes only lingering in the hall, but always nearby to step in once she wore her divinity out.

The day we arrived was Lord Kennon’s last lucid day. He hadn’t had many as of late, and it seemed we were lucky to see it. After having the nurse show her exactly what needed to be done for the man, Emma only required help in the mornings. She spent every day with her father, trying to heal him and get him to eat. The first couple of days, when his conversations lessened and grew more addled, he’d tormented her with questions about Lucia and Lady Highclere. I knew it hurt Em to talk about them as if they were just in another room, unable to tell him anything in fear of upsetting him. He’d grown quite bothered when she wouldn’t bring his wife to visit.

Each night, Em crawled into bed beside me, mentally and physically exhausted, her divinity suffering. Though Hanwen had blessed her with more divinity than either of us could have imagined, she used every bit on Kennon each day. For whatever reason, she hadn’t been able to dip into it as far as she had that day at the Cascade, and since our night in the cavern, she said her divinity almost felt normal again. She succeeded in making her father more comfortable, but each day, it was as if she hadn’t even touched him, his state just as bad, if not worse, than before.

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