Page 172 of Between Despair and Hope

“I don’t know if I even want to take anything,” she whispered before shaking her head. Resolve taking over her, I watched as her spine straightened. She’d tucked her thick waves up into a bun on the back of her head, all loose wisps carefully slicked back. An elegant neck tapered down to a high collar—modest. When she picked and tugged at the clothing as we rode into the capital, I wondered why. But seeing her here, I realized it had to be because it wasn’t the clothing of a novice.

“You lived here too; surely you have belongings of your own you want?”

“I wasn’t allowed to have anything material. I was about to take the silent oath when…everything happened.”

“And you had to get rid of your things?”

“Yes. After three years of silence, we’re allowed to have our own possessions once more, and then two years after that, we can speak again if we desire it.”

Nor unlocked the door and stepped through, a vacant musty scent drifting toward us.

“How old are you?” I asked.

“Why?” She shot a scowl over her shoulder at me, dark brows furrowed.

“I thought novices took the vow at eighteen, but you seem older.”

Her shoulders relaxed as she replied, “Oh. I didn’t want to, and since my mother was a mistress, it afforded me certain liberties. But you’re right. Most take it at eighteen. I’m twenty-five, and my time had run out.”

She stalked across the room to the heavy draperies and flung them open. I stood in the doorway as I took in the space. Small, there was a round table with two chairs in the middle of the room and a narrow bed shoved against the wall. A bathroom door stood ajar, and Nor moved toward the closed one beside it.

“You both lived here?”

“Yes.”

When she opened the closed door, I understood, and it appalled me. A small pallet rested inside, just big enough for a grown adult to curl into. A dress like the mistresses wore hung above it, and a novice’s cloak hung beside it. “Fucking hell, Nor. You slept on the floor?”

“I slept on my pallet,” she retorted, no small amount of annoyance in her tone. “Mother had a bad back,” she added as she knelt to dig through the blankets on the ground.

Wiping my hand over my jaw, I took a few steps into the room and looked at the wall across from Nor. A tapestry of the richest blues and golds hung behind a dresser, easily the most expensive thing in the room. A depiction of the old gods creating the new ones, all life as we knew it pouring out of the font. Every animal imaginable was visible on the tapestry, the intricate threads weaving a pattern of gold between them and their source.

“She had enough for this tapestry, but not for another bed?”

“I loved that tapestry when I was small,” she said as she stood and closed the closet door. I wondered what she’d been searching for but decided not to ask.

“And now? Do you realize how gods damned expensive it was while you were sleeping on the floor?”

“Where would a bed have gone,Walt?”

There my muscles went again, spasming in irritation. “Beside hers, turn them out.”

“The table and chairs are in the way.”

“The table and chairs could have gone into the closet.”

She paused for only a second before rushing out, “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”

“Well, do you want it? Perhaps you can sell it and buy yourself a bed.”

“I live in a dormitory. It has a bed.”

“You know what I meant.”

“I know you are being awfully judgmental of something you know nothing about.”

“Oh, I probably know more than you, Nor.” I turned to face her, not realizing how close she’d been standing beside me as we both looked at the tapestry.

“I don’t think I know anything,” she whispered as she stepped forward, tracing her fingertip over a loose golden thread.

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