Page 179 of Between Despair and Hope

“He lost a bet when we were young,” Rain answered sheepishly. “It was not well done.”

“Wait, what? I didn’t see it back at the lake.”

“I assume you weren’t examining his ass that closely for an old, faded tattoo, dear heart.” He scowled at me, and I couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling over.

“Gods, how long ago? Did he have a tattoo when—”

“Yes. I gave it to him before we came back that last summer. It’s a letter F.”

“F? F for what?”

“Fool. I lost the bet too. He just lost it first.”

“And what kind of bet did you both lose?” I asked, voice soft as I ignored Dewalt and Thyra’s rough-housing, which had moved out into the great room.

“I think you know.”

I smiled sadly as I cupped his cheek.

“Gods, the point is, Mama, Rainier gave him a tattoo, one of the awful ones where he poked him a bunch.” I turned my attention toward my daughter, though I squeezed Rain’s hand tight in mine. “I’d get a nice one. A dragon maybe, oh, or a silhouette of Yvi. I wouldn’t get a letter on my backside,” she scoffed. “Besides, I wasn’t askingyou. Whathesays is actual law.”

I smiled, a brow lifting at her resourcefulness.

“You had to know I’d choose whatever your mother said, right?” Rain’s smile was loud in his voice, and an ache pulsed deep in my chest.

This was how it should have always been. How could I simultaneously be so heartsick over all we’d missed, and so appreciative for what we had now? I’d been grateful and so happy they had a chance. The distance I’d felt with my daughter after I’d failed her and the distance I’d felt with Rain had kept me from feeling the full weight of all of my emotions about the three of us. I pulled Elora against me, one hand in her curls, and, after a moment, I felt Rain shift. Leaning forward, he pressed his chest against my back and wrapped both of us in his arms. Elora was stiff for only a second before she melted into me.

“I love you so much,” I whispered into her hair. “You’re so resilient, more than I ever was. You make me so gods damn proud, you know that?”

“Stop, Mama,” she said back, though I wasn’t convinced it was what she wanted.

Rain didn’t say a word, just squeezed tighter. I couldn’t wait for the day the two of them had a relationship where he could say the things I knew were on his heart. But he wouldn’t risk telling her before she was ready.

“Does this mean I can get a tattoo?”

Rain shook with laughter as I said, “Absolutely not.”

I was exhausted. We had stayed at the estate until Elora went to bed, taking our time to visit with her, before we rifted to the palace. Our meeting with the sisters was an early one, and we wanted to be well-rested for it. Once we arrived, Rain was quiet once more, and despite the logical side of me trying to soothe my anxiety about it, I let it get the better of me. I was afraid our return to the capital would bring those horrible memories and thoughts back to him, and he’d push me away once more. My heart had raced, and it was the only reason Rain knew anything was wrong. But instead of coming to me and holding me, he’d demanded an answer about it from across the room. Distance separating us—protecting us. But when I had disrobed in reply, pulling my hair to my unmarked shoulder, his posture had softened and he had held his head in his hands. I wouldn’t accept his apologies, only asking he let me approach him. And he had. It would be a long road before he was himself again, but when his lips grazed my inked skin and he didn’t hesitate to put his arms around me, I knew we’d be alright.

After he’d finally drifted to sleep, his arms wrapped around me while I lightly scratched his scalp, I’d had my own inner turmoil to deal with. The fear I felt surrounding the meeting with Keeva’s sisters had me nearly chewing a hole through my lower lip. They would know I killed her the moment they looked me in the eyes. And while I wasn’t frightened for myself, I didn’t like thinking about the potential impact my actions could have on the kingdom.

That was why, when we finally made our way to the meeting, my eyes were bloodshot, and I held tightly onto my coffee which Rain had ordered brought to us. I was twitching with nervous energy when they finally walked into the council room. The Scythe was nearly the same height as Thyra, but her biceps beat my Second’s by a long shot. Her arm was nearly the width of her head. She paced the room, looking at the clock on the wall every few moments before casting a haughty glare at the door we’d be walking through. It was Rain’s idea to watch them through the slit in the wall, a thin tapestry hanging over the opening to disguise it. I hadn’t a clue it existed, though it made sense given his father’s paranoia.

I’d only ever seen likenesses of Queen Nereza, but the Scythe appeared as if she could be her true daughter rather than an adopted assassin. Nereza was renowned for her beauty with long, dark hair she always wore unbound, thick full brows, and golden skin. The Scythe wore her hair short and didn’t have the voluptuous curves her mother was known for, but she resembled her at the very least. Unlike her sister.

The Scar was likely my height, hard to tell while seated, and I never would have guessed she was an assassin. She wore an old wound across her face, starting at one temple and crossing over her nose, puckering near where she probably once had a dimple to match the other. I wondered what could have possibly done that to her, and why it hadn’t been healed by a conduit. Certainly, Nereza had more than a few in her employ. I’d always thought assassins were meant to blend in, no discernible features to give them away, but these two stood out. The Scar sat patiently at the table, hands neatly crossed in her lap. Though she was narrower in the bust and wider in the hips, we looked similar. Her features were lighter than mine, almost as if she were the mid-point between Lucia and me. Her thick blonde hair was pulled back into a tight bun, and she appeared as if she allowed no room for distraction.

Their hearts beat in opposition, and I was fearful about why.

“Help me, dear heart.” Rain whispered, lips touching my ear. “One beat is racing while the other is not?”

“Yes.”

“I thought so. It’s harder to pinpoint than I realized. And the other is almost sluggish in comparison?” When I nodded, he put his hands on my hips. “It’s odd, don’t you think?”

“You’re significantly calmer than me. Listen,” I murmured, pulling his hand to my chest.

“You have nothing to fear. The ship she boarded sank. That’s all there is to it, Em.”

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