Page 199 of Between Despair and Hope

“The prince is probably back at the dormitory now,” Mama said, turning and opening a rift to the moonlit street outside it. I’d never get used to her being able to do that. “Nana’s room is the first room on the right when you go inside. She should be able to show you to his. I’ll be back in twenty minutes?” I nodded. “Don’t make me come searching for you, Elora,” she warned, and I knew then this was a test. The better I did, the more freedom she’d allow. With all the intrigue and shops and activities Astana had to offer, I wanted to pass it.

The rift closed behind me, and I exhaled before planting my foot on the bottom-most stair.

“Elora?” A voice cracked behind me, and I turned, surprised to see Theo walking up the lane, and I kicked myself, forgetting he lived there too.

“Hello, Theo.” I groaned internally, frustrated with the predicament I now faced.

“You’ve never come to see me before. Can I show you around? The dormitory is—”

Deciding to get it over with, I let my words rip between us. “I’m not here to see you.”

“Oh. I—Mistress Imogene usually goes to bed by now, but I’m sure—”

“She’s here to see me.” His words curled around my spine and tugged it straight, the accent clear and crisp as the winter air around us. I hadn’t even heard the door creak open behind me. Seeing the shadow of Cyran’s tall form spill onto the ground, stretched and bigger than life, Theo’s feet coming to rest just inside the outline of his head, I grew nervous. And when his hand rested on my shoulder, I closed my eyes.

“Yes, Theo, I’ve come to speak with Cyran. I won’t be long,” I said, ignoring my friend’s expression as I turned to face the prince. Surprised to see him wearing a dangling earring and two long intertwining chains once more, the top buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, I almost tripped forward into his arms. He looked like himself again. The hint of a smile formed at the corner of his mouth as he grabbed my elbows, steading me.

Clearing my throat as I regained my balance, I stumbled up the step and walked past him into the dormitory. “Take me somewhere we can talk,” I demanded.

He breezed past me, leading the way down the hall, and I followed. I heard Theo walk in behind us, blowing out the oil lamp on the table by the entryway, plunging us into darkness. By habit, I conjured a flame in my hand. Cyran stuttered a step, almost causing me to set his back aflame as I nearly ran into him. He led me down one hallway and up a stairwell, and I barely paid attention to anything until he stopped in front of a door, pulling out a key from a chain around his neck.

It was only then I realized how bare everything was. Wooden floors and plain plaster walls, with no color or decoration or warmth, made up the dormitory. And when his door creaked open, it sent a twinge of pain through me to see it matched the rest of it. The moonlight came in through a slim window, illuminating a rumpled bed made of white linens, and a small desk and chair tucked away in a corner. He lit the lamp which sat on the desk before sitting down on his bed.

“So, what do I have to thank for this visit?” A single brow raised as he tilted his chin to meet my eyes. He folded his hands in his lap and crossed his legs at the ankle, waiting. He looked both impatient and nervous at the same time, and I let him suffer a bit. Crossing to the single chair, I removed my cloak, folding it lengthwise before laying it over the back. And when I finally sat down, it was with some satisfaction I watched his eyes dip to my scar, unobscured by my hair or clothing. His throat bobbed, and I leaned back in my seat, watching him as he grew increasingly agitated, the evidence of his betrayal staring right at him. I made myself take a deep breath. I wasn’t here to make him squirm.

“I’ve come to return this,” I said, taking the bracelet off my wrist from where I’d worn it the past month, noticing he didn’t wear one of his own. “And I’ve come to ask you to stop coming into my dreams.” His face flushed scarlet, and I knew I had been right all along. It gave me the confidence to continue. “I forgive you. The decision you had to make was a horrible one, and I do not envy it. You barely knew me, you thought you—”

“I knew you, Elora,” he whispered, eyes downcast. “I knew you, and it should have been enough to stop me.”

My chest tightened painfully. “It doesn’t matter. If you hadn’t done it, who knows what might have happened? Dryul might have killed me and Mama anyway. There’s no sense in—” I stood, hoping it would give me more confidence to handle this as I wanted without letting emotions get the better of me. It was a mistake, considering he looked up at me with doe eyes from across the room. I closed mine, balling my fists at my side.

“I forgive you. I thought I felt something more for you, and I thought you felt the same. But if you felt for me even a fraction of what I felt for you, I don’t know how you could have done what you did. I could never have done that to you.” I threw my hands up, calm demeanor ruined. “Hell, to anyone!”

“You never could have done that, I know. You’re right.” His hair fell down into his eyes as he stared at the ground.

“But you might have saved so many other lives,” I whispered. “So, how could I possibly fault you?”

“Elora, I didn’t know then—”

“No, please, Cy. Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” He reached up, swiping a hand over his mouth and jaw and remaining silent. “Seeing you is too difficult, but I don’t want you to get hurt by going back to Folterra. I just…I know you feel guilty, and that’s why you’re in my dreams. But I don’t want you there anymore. I don’t want to think about you.” I sniffed, not realizing I’d started to cry. “I will stay away from the bookstore until your project for Rainier is done, but after that, we should work out a schedule so we don’t run into one another.”

“Elora…” Whatever pain I saw on his face was tenfold for me. “Min viltasma,please.”

“I don’t think I’m asking for too much, Cy.” He stood, unfolding his lean body and standing tall. Gods, it was unfair how he looked, given what I’d come to do. He shouldn’t look as handsome as he did all those nights in Evenmoor. “If there’s any decency within you, you’ll accept what I say and let our friendship end. Gods, I don’t even know if friendship is the right word. What do you call it when you betray someone who cares about you—but for good reason?”

“I cared about you too, Elora. I still care about you. That’s why I don’t like to see you suffer in your sleep. Knowing I might be the cause of those horrible dreams? It’s painful.”

“Well, I don’t want your help anymore.”

He dipped his head before crossing over to open the door for me, surprising me.

“I respect your wishes, Elora. I will be sorry for the rest of my life, but I won’t give you any more trouble.”

I swore I saw tears in his eyes, but I wouldn’t let myself give into them as I grabbed my cloak and moved past him.

“Be well, Cy.” I hesitated, hand on the doorknob as I started to pull it shut behind me. “I have no ill will towards you. And thank you for what you did to help fix things.” He didn’t meet my eyes, just turned away as I shut the door.

It was a few moments later when I sat on the steps outside, waiting for Mama to show up, when I began to wonder if I was just one more person on a long list who had turned their back on him when he needed them most.

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