Page 212 of Between Despair and Hope

She sat down on the ground, legs spread and arms resting on her knees. “When I didn’t get off for months without thinking about it.” She shrugged.

“Divine hell.” My laugh was bitter. “It wasn’t because of what you did? Not an ounce of remorse?”

“About doing it? No. About doing itto you?Maybe. You were quite nice for a royal. And you knew what you were doing with your tongue. And, well, the duke…” She tilted her head, a knowing smile on her lips.

“I get it, Fiona. The sex was good. Any other stupid shit you want to say?”

She guffawed, taking her hat off and running her fingers through her hair. I saw a few grey hairs, and I wondered just how old she was. She was a merrow, after all. If Mairin was over four centuries old and barely looked older than me, how old was Fiona? She clearly didn’t know Mairin was Estri’s daughter—heronlydaughter. Mairin was much more enticing than I was.

“Tetty is quite soft-hearted. I met them not long after you.”

“Ah, but you didn’t thieve from them.”

“I would have if they had anything worth stealing. They stole my heart instead.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I said, exasperated.

“This is important, Lavenia. Listen. They’re ill. The pendant isn’t for me. The pendant will grant Tetty access to the font.”

“Is Tetty not a conduit? Can’t they just perform the ritual? Gods, what the hell, Fiona?”

“I started out wanting the pendant for me, but when I found out Tetty was going to—Tetty took care of their mother when she died from this, and because of how fucking bad it was, they plan to—before it gets too bad…” Fiona shook her head and cleared her throat. “Tetty is a conduit, but the Myriad won’t let me drink from it. And Tetty won’t perform it with anyone else. They won’t ever be granted access unless I intervene. So, I made a deal with someone,” she said, moving to sit cross-legged. “I get a pendant, they’ll give me access to the font. Estri doesn’t take too kindly to the exiled unless they come with something worthwhile. You’re my something worthwhile.”

“You think the Myriad will actually allow Tetty access without doing the ritual? Why don’t you just steal some of their casks? It would be easier.”

“The water from the casks hasn’t worked. You think I haven’t tried that?”

“Oh,” I whispered. “You’re taking them to the Seat.” Fiona nodded. “So, you plan to use me to convince Estri to give you your pendant, then you’re going to use it to leverage your way into the gods damn Seat in Lamera?” Hysterical, I laughed once more. “You’re insane. Truly.”

“Come on.” Fiona was rough as she tugged me to my feet, dragging me toward the gangway. “I already made the deal, Princess.” She sneered. “I won’t have to leverage shit after Estri. I’ll just have to get Tetty there. They’re myeverything. I’ll do whatever it fucking takes.”

I never saw Beau again, and Fiona, still a merrow even if landlocked as Mairin was, compelled the rest of our crew to stay on the sinkingNetari.

Over two weeks passed, and we were much farther east than the horn of Olistos. We would stumble upon the Seaborn Queen any day now. Nix, Brenna, and I had all been thrown into a cabin beside Tetty and Fiona, and they kept Mairin locked away from us, forcing us into submission. By the time they untied us, we were too far away from anywhere useful Nixy could have rifted to, but that didn’t stop Fiona from keeping him chained in obsidian at the wrists. I felt bad for him, knowing it chafed his skin.

More than half of Fiona’s crew had a compulsion rune, so she didn’t bother with me. I supposed it made sense if they were seafaring, more likely to stumble upon a merrow, but it surprised me considering Fiona was one. Hadn’t she needed to force them to act on her behalf, or were they that loyal to her? She didn’t seem like someone stable enough to garner loyalty, but clearly I was wrong.

I’d been able to talk to Mairin through a grate a few days prior to ensure she was even alive. Unable to speak freely, it was difficult to comfort one another. Either way, we were heading to the Seaborn Queen, but I’d expected to go freely and without the threat of Fiona over our heads. I’d expected to come offering something from Vesta which Estri might want, but, now, I was the gift being offered.

Mairin was worried about it. Though I couldn’t see her, I knew she had probably bitten her nails down to the quick. Though rare, she did it when she was anxious, and I’d only seen it two times—once when she treated Elora and again with another patient with mortal wounds. During that week, when one soldier lingered between life and death, she’d bitten her nails to the point of bleeding. I hated it. And I knew the thought of me being given to Estri would have set the bad habit off.

The merrow had done her best to calm me, assuring me everything would be alright, and I wouldn’t have said it gave me hope—but it certainly didn’t dash it. Fiona clearly knew nothing about Mairin, and that was the ace up our sleeve. Perhaps Estri would take offense to what Fiona had done and rid us of the problem.

But I was a soft-hearted fool, and I felt bad for Tetty. Their illness was noticeable once I paid attention. At first, I thought it was vision-related only, causing them to stumble, but now and then, I noticed their arms and legs spasming. Fiona would make a big fuss about getting Tetty into their cabin so she could rub their fatigued muscles. And when their speech slurred one night when they delivered our meal, I realized it was affecting many aspects of their life.

I didn’t blame Fiona for wanting to get them to the font.

Brenna stirred, stretching her legs, and it drew me out of my thoughts. Nixy snored softly, and his foot tapped against something metallic, telling me he was precariously close to the waste bucket we’d been given. Thank the gods a sailor had emptied it earlier, so there was only piss in it now. There was nothing less humanizing than having to shit in a bucket in front of two people who I’d either had sex with or who wanted to have sex with me. But the pirates wouldn’t let us out, even with the runed sailors as escorts.

Brenna groaned a bit, and it sounded as if she massaged her leg. It was dark where we were, no windows, and they hadn’t even given us a lantern.

“Why am I awake if you refuse to sleep?” she asked, not bothering to quiet herself. Nixy slept on despite it.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even know what time it is anymore, but I’m not tired.”

Though I couldn’t see her, I felt her eyes searching for me in the dark. “You’d do the same thing,” she muttered.

“What?”

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