Page 23 of Between Despair and Hope

Theroomwassmoky,the sickly-sweet scent clouding the air. I felt it coating my throat and my skin, making me tired. I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t smell the draíbea. I didn’t know how many days I’d been in the cell, but she was with me, so I didn’t care. Hallucination or no, she had come for me.

“She’s dead, and it’s because of you!” She was shouting at me, arms clutched around her knees. I tried crawling toward her, but I couldn’t. Everything felt strange, as if I was moving through a fog. I needed to hold her. She needed me.

“I’m sorry, Em. It’s my fault. Come here,” I said, my tongue thick as I formed the words. I reached for her, and she lifted her head. She was farther away from me than she was just a moment ago, wasn’t she? Why wouldn’t she just let me hold her?

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again, I was laying flat on my back with her hovering over my face. She shouldn’t have been here, or maybe I shouldn’t have been here. Something was wrong.Everythingwas wrong. Where were we?

“I saw what you did to that boy, Rainier.” She laughed, a high-pitched thing that didn’t sound like her. “And you thought you were better than your father? That’s why our daughter died. You didn’t deserve her after what you did, so the gods took her from us.”

Tears threatened, and I choked on a gasp. She was right. I didn’t deserve either of them. Not after Vondi. I didn’t deserve my wife or the daughter she gave me. The daughter I’d never met and never would. “Please, Em.”

I opened my eyes, and I blinked. I’d somehow been put on the rack. She kissed me while they did it. Her lips on mine would get me through the pain. It hurt so gods damn bad, but at least she was with me. I tried to kiss her back but couldn’t. I could barely breathe.

“You’re doing so good, Rainier. You’re so strong for me. Look at me—open your eyes.”

I obeyed, gritting my teeth, and found her watching me. She slowly unbuttoned her shirt as pain seared through my body, joints on fire. I tried to focus—she was so beautiful. But it hurt so badly. She bared her breasts, slowly rubbing her nipples as I pulled against my bindings.

“You’ve done well enough; maybe I’ll let you fuck me.” She ran her hands over herself as she looked at me, but I was only looking at her face. I didn’t want that. I wanted to hold her, to fold her in my arms. If she’d just let me do that and tell her how sorry I was, everything would be alright.

I should never have left her. We were always leaving each other.

I shouted, unable to stifle my pain any longer. The harsh sound was only barely louder than the pop echoing throughout the room as fire seared through my shoulder, and I blacked out.

When I finally came to, she was gone.

In her place was Declan and a chessboard. The strange smelling man, an ogre I thought, stood next to him, fists balled at his hips.

“Come, Rainy day. Play a game with me. Maybe you won’t be so sad after.”

I grunted from my position on the ground and rolled over, facing the wall. My limbs ached, and the haze of the draíbea made it nearly impossible to function.

“Bring him over,” Declan barked, and the footsteps I heard roused me into action. I wouldn’t be manhandled any more than I already had been. Dragging myself to a seated position, I looked up at the ogre towering over me.

“Zen,” Declan growled, and I was hoisted to my feet. Not bothering to fight him, I moved on unsteady legs to the chair Declan had brought in for his stupid game.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” My words slurred.

“I have the mark,” he said.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Of the Accursed. I’ve always had it.”

I tried to speak but couldn’t get my mouth to form the words.

“You truly know nothing, do you? Father protected me over it. Killed your silly little betrothed because of it. Though, I suppose he did you a favor with that, didn’t he?”

“Fuck you.”

“Uniting and ruling over the Three Kingdoms is my birthright. It is owed to me. I was blessed by Aonara when I was an infant. I shouldn’t have lived through my birth, but I did. Ciarden’s blessing came soon after. I don’t remember it, but I’d apparently been so angry at my father for taking away a toy, my shadows nearly killed him. He couldn’t see the god chuckling beside him, but when I described what happened, he knew.”

“And Hanwen and Rhia—get on with your story.”

“Not quite. Rhia is the only blessing I still lack. But I have the mark—death’s kiss.”

“I don’t know what that means.” Was he even making sense? My head swam.

“Oh, Rainy, this is tiresome. Move your pawn.”

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