Page 37 of Between Despair and Hope

The rest of the room fell away as I looked down. It was no bigger than a kitten, and I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to pick it up or if my hand would go right through it. I held my finger out to it, bent at the knuckle, and it nipped at me. It had sharp little teeth, and it was more corporeal than I originally thought, the shadows around it shifting. Was this a drake? The stone drakes flanking the doors of the Myriad Seat were huge compared to this, but the resemblance was striking. Lizard-like in appearance, with larger, armored bodies, this seemed like a smaller version of the stone depictions. Had I somehow formed this creature? How had I done it?

The memories. He thrives in them.

Rhia’s words came back to me, unbidden. I’d been thinking about that beautiful moment with Rain at the lake, and while it calmed me, replacing the nasty image which had made its way into my mind, it also helped me form this tiny monster. I glanced up, my eyes meeting Cyran’s and then Dewalt’s. Mairin and Thyra stared in silence behind them. They all looked at me with slack jaws before Dewalt crouched on the ground, keeping a bit of distance from me.

“Did you—what is that, Emma?” His voice drew the attention of the drake, and it bounded towards him before it latched onto his arm by the teeth. “Ow, fuck!” He tried to grab the creature by the back of the neck, and it reared back and bit that hand instead. I suppressed a chuckle as I got up to my knees and reached for the baby. That’s what I thought it was, at least. As cute as it was, I wasn’t sure how useful an army of tiny drakes would be.

“Come here, sweetheart.” I grabbed it by the back of its neck and cradled it in my lap. It had four perfectly formed feet with four sharp claws each—its size not the only thing it had in common with a kitten. It was a silver color, reminding me of the eastern cliffs of the Alsors, and I suspected that was exactly the reason for it, considering the memory which had helped form it. The shadows had dissipated, and I was able to see the details on its skin. It was covered in tiny scales, no bigger than my pinky fingernail, and they shimmered in the moonlight. I couldn’t tell if it was male or female, but it nipped gently at my fingertips as I held it there, flicking its tail lazily. The tail was the same length as its body, tiny spikes running down the center of its spine. They were sharp and painful as they dug into my legs. Two green eyes peeked out beneath a defined ridge on its triangular face, and it hurt. They were the same pine-green shade Rain’s eyes sometimes turned. I felt a tear sneak past my lashes as I looked at the tiny creature made of one of my best memories. I watched with joy and fascination as it used a long tongue to lick one of the two horns at the top of its head. Wiggling my fingers over its face, I smiled as it lunged, nipping and licking a second later to soften the hurt. The action reminded me of the herding dog we’d had when Elora was young.

“I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I’m going to try to make it bigger. We’re going to need all the help we can get. We are leaving for Darkhold within the hour.”

I was calm as I stood, a grim determination taking over my actions and mind. Cradling the drake to my chest, I made my way out into the halls of the fortress, passing curious stares from a handful of soldiers out into the courtyard. Continuing onward, I waved to the watch commander who opened the gate and allowed me to pass. The little bugger had started gnawing on my fingers, and it became less cute by the moment.

“Alright, little one. Let’s see what I can do with you.”

An hour later I stood beside the drake I’d created from a memory. His name was Irses, one of the first constellations Rain had ever taught me when we were young, bonding beneath the night sky. Irses told the story of the gods’ hope-bearer, and it seemed fitting. It hadn’t taken the full hour to help the creature grow, and I wasn’t sure if there was a limit. I wanted to mount the beast, though, and as it was, this height would cause me to struggle. The drake now stood tall, shoulders level with the top of Dewalt’s head. The scales had darkened as the creature grew but still maintained their shimmer. Dewalt and I stood far outside the fortress, halfway to Clearhill, the light of the moon keeping us company. Thyra was on her way with the soldiers we’d found suitable for the task, and all I could do was wait. I was pacing, nervous. Irses tail twitched as he watched me, making me think he was agitated. Dewalt was worried, but what was there to do about it? We only had until nightfall to get there, and I was terrified we’d be too late. We needed to leave.

“They ought to be back by now with someone to rift us.” Dewalt turned his wary gaze away from the drake, cautious since Irses bit him, and looked toward the path leading to the fortress.

I heard Thyra before I saw her. My divinity had cast a wide net from where we stood, my swell of power more vast and thorough since Hanwen’s blessing, and I could hear quite a few heartbeats approaching in the dark. I thrummed with anticipation and fear. We’d rift, force the horses through and wear them out until whoever could rift us was ready to form another. It was a trip we’d planned the other night with the help of the few spies we had, but Dewalt and Cyran had spent some time speaking to Aldric before we left the village, incorporating the rebels into our plans. But that was when we thought we had longer, and I worried we wouldn’t make it in time or those set to help us wouldn’t be ready.

Thyra and the others rode up on horseback, and her horse stalled, rearing back when it saw Irses. I ran forward stupidly, not paying attention to the hooves which could have killed me, and pressed my hand to the steed, calming its racing heart. I somehow avoided injury as the horse calmed down. Thyra had fallen off, unprepared for what happened. She shouted a curse in her language as she backed away, putting distance between her and the drake, who merely looked at her curiously. He was considerably bigger than the last time she saw him, only an hour prior.

I heard the grumbles of the other soldiers; one woman and three men whom I recognized from our travels together this past autumn but could only remember the name of the tiny girl off to the right. She was from a kingdom farther east than Skos, a warrior who had been imprisoned with Thyra, and she didn’t speak a single word of the common tongue. But she fought so quickly and fiercely it didn’t matter, especially since she spoke Thyra’s language. Though I doubted it was even her real name, Shade had earned it, moving with a quiet efficiency which often went unnoticed.

“Your Majesty, what in the—” the tallest soldier began.

“We don’t have time for more than this basic explanation. This is Irses, a drake that I created, and it’s going to help us get the king back. Try to keep your horses calm; it won’t bite.”

“Your Majesty, the rifter here can’t take you to Darkhold. She’s never been,” Thyra said as she stood and dusted her pants off. “I wanted to bring you soldiers. I can have someone rift me to Nara’s Cove? I find someone else who knows way?” Her accent was thicker than usual, stress accenting her words.

My heart dropped to my stomach. I should have expected that, but considering I’d been able to rift myself only a day ago, it wasn’t something I’d even considered. We couldn’t wait for Lavenia to arrive with reinforcements, with more soldiers who might be able to rift, and the hope I’d experienced after creating Irses was dashed. I folded into myself. I barely had time to get us to Darkhold, to stop the other half of me from being executed. I hadn’t even mourned the breaking of the bond, hadn’t had a moment to think about what it meant.

I sank down to my knees. Holding my face in my hands, I let out a scream. I’d been so full of determination and hope, I hadn’t even realized in recent days how much his abilities had dwindled within me. I felt my divinity slipping out of my control for the second time that evening. Thyra reached out her hand and knelt beside me.

“Get back. I could hurt you.” My words were a begging plea, choked.

I couldn’t do it. I was going to fail him, fail Elora. Fail the gods damn kingdom. I curled in on myself again, assuming the same position I had before, protecting them from me with my shadows. I counted my breaths, attempting to gain control, wondering if I’d accidentally create another drake. The thought came to me, and I felt almost mad. Could I purposefully do that? What if—could I give it wings?

My mind raced, searching for a memory.

The fall.

The awful moment when Declan made me jump off the parapet at the Cascade.

For a brief moment, it had felt like flying instead of falling—until the fear took over. I sat up, amassing the shadows in my hand, focusing on the memory and imagining a tiny Irses but with wings. I gasped when the small creature formed in my palm. Closing my eyes, I imagined the fall, envisioning wings unfolding from my back, strong enough to take flight, membranous and large. I imagined the tan color of the walls of the fortress, the deep blue of the sea below me. I kept my eyes closed as the creature grew in my hand, and I moved it to rest in my arms, an adorable snarl escaping it. After a few moments, when the drake was almost too heavy for me to hold, I inspected it. Light brown eyes looked back at me, the same color as the fortress, set in the scaled body of a beautiful, azure drake. Though, based on the delicate furled wings protruding from its back, it wasn’t a drake at all.

“Divine hell.” One soldier, Bly, I thought his name was, approached slowly. “Is that adragon? Did you make a fucking dragon?“ He paused before he remembered himself as he knelt down. “Shit! Did you make a…dragon, Your Majesty?”

I couldn’t help but snort. Thyra was still close, even though I’d told her to get back, and I could hear her awed whisper.

“Traekka.“ Her eyes were wide, and she tenderly touched one of the shimmering scales with a fingertip.

“What did you say?” I whispered, wonder-struck. My divinity hummed, hope and reverence clashing and causing it to respond in a way it hadn’t since Rain had been gone.

“Dragon. It’s beautiful, Emma.” I beamed at her, thrilled that my friend had finally called me by my name without stumbling over it.

“She’s yours.” I wasn’t sure if the dragon I held was a she, but the features seemed more delicate. “Let me…finish growing her.” My words sounded so strange, but I still needed to bring the dragon in my hands to a useful and ferocious size.

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