Page 38 of Between Despair and Hope

I’d done it. I’d found a way to get us to Darkhold.

I realized it was the first time Ciarden’s powers hadn’t felt tainted in my hands. Was it because I had mixed it with my memories? My very essence? I had my work cut out for me; I had to make more drakes—dragons—and fast. They were large enough two people could ride on each, and I hoped I could add wings to Irses. I closed my eyes, searching for the golden bond, wanting to pluck it, to send him a message we were coming. I knew he couldn’t feel it, and inflexible darkness waited at the other end, but I still gently traced those remaining golden threads.

I looked north, toward the mountain range we’d have to fly over, protecting Darkhold from the sea. We were all clothed appropriately for the weather, but I worried about finding a pass to cut through the frosty peaks. I decided in that moment, I’d be stopping to retrieve Aldric, forcing him to help us with the rebels, since our plans hadn’t had time to solidify. I hoped they were ready.

I’m coming for you, Rain.

Chapter 16

Rainier

“Goodmorning,lad.”Ilooked at the bastard with one eye, my other having swollen shut, and wished I could go back to sleep. They weren’t even bothering to give me the gruel, just pouring water down my throat with a draíbea mixture for good measure. I wasn’t hungry anymore, the gnawing pain in my gut having subsided within the last day. I was weak and tired, and I could barely remember the reason for this treatment. I vaguely remembered being beaten for something I said to Emma. Did to Emma. Not Emma.

Not Emma. Not Emma. Not Emma.

The mantra in my head I kept struggling to repeat. I couldn’t quite remember why, but it echoed there, incessant. I swallowed, throat dry as if I’d gulped down sand, and glared up at Declan.

“More’s the pity you caught on—I was having such fun. But I suppose all children outgrow their toys, and I guess now’s the time I retire you. Do you have a message you’d like to leave for your wife? I won’t bring her in here since you weren’t too eager to see her last time.” His thin lips twisted up into a wicked smile.

Not Emma. Not Emma. Not Emma.

I grunted at him, not sure if I could form words. My jaw felt broken, and I knew for a fact a few teeth were loose. I kept my mouth shut.

“My men arrived to fetch my brother, and they found your soldiers had been outsmarted. Between rebel traitors and your whore wife, the fool is on his way back to Astana. It would seem I’m going to have to go fetch the boy myself. But that means I can’t leave you here.”

I fought a smile. She’d protected the boy. She was smart and stubborn, my wife. But she came here and endangered herself anyway.

No, that wasn’t right. She wasn’t here. That wasn’t Emma.

The memory of punching her in the head came to mind. A pang went through my gut, remembering the cry she gave, but I reminded myself once again—it wasn’t her. A shifter. It was a shifter.

Not Emma. Not Emma. Not Emma.

“Do you not understand what I’m getting at, Rainy?” That fucking nickname.

“I tend not to pay attention when you speak.” The words were slurred. My jaw was definitely broken.

“Well, that won’t be a problem for you much longer, King Rainier. Maybe they’ll still call you the Bloody King after all, though for a different reason. Perhaps the Headless King? Which do you think sounds better?”

Ah, I was going to be executed. I wondered if it should have unnerved me that my only thought was relief.

“Do you ever tire of hearing yourself?” I asked, words still difficult. My tongue almost felt too big for my mouth. The man’s eyes narrowed as he tapped his foot. He played at nonchalance as he leaned against the stone wall of my cell, but his body language gave him away. He fidgeted nervously as his eyes roamed over me. “Tell me, Declan, do you think there are no Vestian spies here in Darkhold?” I asked, smiling as I saw a muscle in his cheek twitch. Though, to be fair, my vision was currently lacking depth.

“I’m not so sure how many you have left. My archers shot a hawk out of the sky weeks ago. I was told it turned into a woman before she landed. She made quite a mess.” His lips pursed as my gut twisted. Aerfen. Emma must have sent them. If Declan shot her down—fuck. I wondered if they had caught Aedwyn. “I’m not sure how this is relevant, Rainier.”

“How long do you think you will have left in this world once she knows I have left it?” He snorted, kicking up his heel behind him. I continued anyway. “She’s going to kill you, you know, and I’m quite upset I won’t be here to see it. But I’m sure she’ll make it interesting.” I knew I spoke truth. Emma would be hell-bent on avenging me.

Gods, would she be alright? With Elora dead, and me too? I’d find her again—in the next life. We both knew it to be true, but how much would she suffer before then? How long would she be here alone? When we met again, we wouldn’t remember each other, wouldn’t know what we’d been through. Our souls would remember, just as they did now. That unstoppable pull between us would be the same, but this life would be ash before it happened. And Elora—we’d never have her again. Was there any point in the pattern of twin flames? To the repetitive madness which ruled and ruined?

I was drawn from my thoughts when Declan’s shiny boots moved into my field of vision. He crouched in front of me, keeping his distance despite the fact I could barely see straight, let alone injure him. I lifted my head, a smirk on my face as I watched his lips twist in a sneer.

“You surely know she threw a dagger at my father. But do you know the only reason she missed was because of me? Your shifter doesn’t know how deadly the woman she pretends to be is,” I said.

“You remember then, don’t you? When Arietta showed your wife pregnant with my child, she was only showing you a vision of the future. You’ll be dead, and I’ll fuck her until she forgets your name, until I erase every trace of you.” He laughed as I stared at him. “I imagine Rhia wouldn’t overlook me if I gave the Beloved a babe. Oh, it could be fun if I made the shifter fuck her as you, I suppose, to get her wet and ready for me.” He clapped as he stood. “Do you suppose Arietta can get your size right for your little wench? Perhaps I’ll send her in for a peek. Anyway, none of this is important. You’ll be dead in the morning, I’ll fetch my brother, and I’ll fuck your wife while I’m in Astana. Does that sound good to you, Rainy?” He scoffed as I spat at him, ignoring the pain in my jaw. He didn’t flinch when it hit the floor at his feet.

“I will take what is owed to me, mark my word,” he growled.

I sat in my cell for hours, lost in my thoughts. The draíbea made it difficult, but every time I fell into that stupor, I would pull on my arm, jolting my shoulder. The pain would pull me out of it. Surprisingly, the relief of my impending death was accompanied by intense gratitude. I should have been angry or perhaps frightened, but I wasn’t—I knew what waited for me. I’d be able to see my daughter, the shining light I’d never gotten to meet. And then, I’d wait for Em. The next life I’d have would connect me to the beautiful soul I got to call mine for so brief a time.

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