Page 40 of Between Despair and Hope

No one.

Chapter 17

Emmeline

Welandedinthemountains east of Darkhold in the afternoon but had to wait until night fell before we made any moves. Thyra and Shade made their way on foot into the small village at the base of the mountains, intending to procure horses and contact the rebel forces. Our plans involved the sewers, and Aldric had mentioned a man named Nigel, whose riverside property seemed to be the perfect location to begin that part of the journey. When we’d stopped to get Aldric, the tavern where we’d met him was burned to the ground, and the rest of the town stood empty. But Dewalt had remembered his words well enough, and I hoped Thyra would have more information for us when she came back. I worried, unsure we’d be able to make our way there without being seen. If anyone saw the dragons before we were ready, we’d have a hard time.

Sweet hell, I had madedragons. When I attempted to add wings to Irses, the beast had not been pleased. What was it with my ability to find the most stubborn animal and call it mine? He had shuddered away from my touch, and part of me wondered if the wings hurt as they erupted from his back. While I grew them, focusing on the memory of Rain and I at the cliff, I thought it might be wise to soften the spines on his back, knowing I’d have to climb onto him to ride. It had been easier than I thought, the shadows and divinity working together to form him like clay. When I was done, he huffed a hot breath on the top of my head, and the moist air smelled like the forest between Brambleton and the Alsors. Before I knew it, he had launched himself into the sky, spreading those massive wings and blocking out the stars above us. It was a sight to behold. It was common knowledge that drakes had truly existed when the gods walked the earth, but dragons had only ever been myth and legend. The fact I’d created one with my hands and divinity had caused a reverent silence to fall over the soldiers on the ground with me.

Now, the beast was curled up to sleep, keeping distance from the other dragons save the small one, made from the last dregs of my gifts and who I hadn’t yet named. It was a relief to feel my divinity taper off, the churning power muddling underneath my skin finally finding an outlet. The dragon was still large enough for Shade to ride upon, though no bigger than a pony, and, other than the face she made, I didn’t once hear her complain. Not that I would’ve known what she said unless Thyra translated.

I couldn’t contain my awe as I stared at the creatures. Irses’ wings were nearly translucent in the daylight, with a faint blue tint to them and four long bones which the membrane stretched between. A small claw sat at the top where the bones met. The wings were over ten meters wide, and I couldn’t help the shiver up my spine as I recalled how easily his enormous body glided through the air. The little one was annoying him now, Irses clearly wanting to take a nap. I couldn’t help my smile as the large dragon pinned the small, dark-green one under his wing with a huff and forced him to settle down. It was bizarre to see the five other dragons piled up nearby, with tails and long necks twining around each other.

Dewalt sat near his own dragon, his hand resting on her snout, and I felt a pang of guilt. I had been trying to remember the times we’d trained together, hoping the dragon would be more keen to obey him if the memory included Dewalt. But I had glanced over at him, the lines of a frown forming because he didn’t like how much divinity I was using. Seeing how easily the sour expression sat on his face made me sad for him, which led me to think of Lucia. The memory was an innocuous one, just the five of us laying in the meadow. The resulting dragon had been white like her hair but with an opalescent gleam because of her scales, and the eyes were my own. Lucia’s. Dewalt had tilted his head and sighed. I wasn’t sure if it was sadness or annoyance, but I had grimaced and apologized. She had blinked up lazily at me, and then arched her head backwards to where he sat before rolling over in my lap and licking his hand. He had looked at me, bewildered almost, and chuckled.

“Lucia would be so mad if I named a pet after her. Do you think she’d forgive me in this instance because it’s a gods damned dragon?” The dragon in question huffed a breath, and it had shocked me when a small spark of white came out of her mouth.

“Was that fire?” I’d asked.

“I think it was divine fire. Aonara’s fucking dragon.”

The tiny thing had stretched out a delicate wing and yawned before pulling herself into Dewalt’s lap and curling up into a ball. She was the most precious of the dragons I’d made, and I adored her. Though the memory had been of Lucia, I could only think of Elora as I watched her.

We’d decided on the name Lux, not too close to Lucia’s name, but close enough. Dewalt had used a hooked finger to rub under the dragon’s chin, and I smiled at him, hopeful since she didn’t bite him as Irses had.

“I’m going to have to grow her, but if she can use fire…” Clearing my throat, I’d held out my palm. “Can I hold your hand and see if you can help me? Maybe it will help you have more influence and control over her. Remember the day in the meadow when Nana eventually sent Mister Carson to fetch us? When he fell in the mud?” He nodded, and we worked together, a hand in each other’s and a hand on the dragon, as I grew her with my divinity. I wasn’t sure it had done anything to help, but it felt easier and less draining.

As I laid in the grass now, watching them, I noticed the breath coming from Lux’s mouth was much steamier than the other dragons. There was another one I’d created after I made Lux who could breathe fire, though it wasn’t divine fire. I had imagined shooting the tírrúil that killed Sam, the young soldier I’d failed a few months prior. If my flaming arrow had loosed a moment sooner, perhaps the boy wouldn’t have died. Ifash, or Iffy, as Bly had been calling him, was the deepest black color with blood-red eyes. I tried not to think of why. He unsettled me, reminding me of my gods damn failure, but I knew his fire breathing would not go unappreciated.

Dewalt stood, strolling over to me as he stretched his neck. He and Thyra had braided their hair tight, multiple loops and twists which kept it tidy and out of the way. Dewalt wasn’t thrilled about his role in our plan, but he’d do what I needed from him.

“With me and Shade in the sewers, what do you plan to do with our dragons?” I glanced over at Irses, who somehow had managed to get the tiny terror to sleep under his wing.

“I’m thinking that I’ll ride Lux, so I can command her as I see fit. I know this is unbelievable, but I know Irses will follow. He—the memory I’d been thinking of when I made him was one of Rain. He’s been so in tune with me since I made him, and I think he’d protect me.”

Dewalt nodded as he glanced over at the largest dragon, the one I’d made with the memory of Rain and I falling back in love at the lake. As if feeling our eyes on him, the beast opened its own and looked at me with the green eye of the man we were trying to save. I gave a shaky exhale. I was terrified. What if this didn’t work? What if Declan killed Rain the moment he knew we were there? What if we were betrayed by any number of the Folterran rebels within and outside the palace?

“Stop. Emma, it’s going to be alright. This is going to work. This plan was a decent enough plan when we made it. We just had to move it up. And now we have dragons. I mean, fuck, we have tilted the odds—not we—you.Youhave tilted the odds into our favor so tremendously; it’s going to be alright. I know it.”

I had held it together and stayed calm ever since I created Traekka. I hadn’t let my emotions get the better of me, but just waiting here for Thyra to return was proving problematic. It would be several hours before she returned, and even longer before night descended, allowing us to sneak in undetected. And all I’d been thinking about and all Iwouldthink about was failure. There were so many ways our plan could go wrong. Dewalt and Shade could get found out and get killed. Though we’d never heard from Aedwyn and Aerfen, our other spies confirmed Rain was in Darkhold and had given us the location of the dungeons. I’d had to check; Shivani’s fear wasn’t without reason. If he was being held somewhere else, an attack on Declan’s stronghold could have been devastating if Rain wasn’t there. Even knowing Rainwasthere didn’t soothe me. Who knew what they might do to him once my presence was made known? I felt my lip quiver as I stared at Irses curled up along a rock-wall. He stared back, unblinking, but raised his head to look at me. I averted my gaze to Dewalt, not wanting to summon a dragon over to comfort me as well. The look on my friend’s face made my shields break, and I couldn’t stop the tears that burst forth.

“What if it’s not alright, Dewalt? What if I get him killed?” I was sitting cross-legged on the ground, and I pulled my knees up and rested my forehead against them as Dewalt watched me.

“Emma, his execution is already scheduled for tomorrow. He did this to himself, and you couldn’t possibly make it any worse.”

“If Cyran—”

“Don’t. Fuck, Cyran rescued himself. Or got rescued by the rebels, I suppose. You had little to do with it.”

“But I could have taken him to—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. You couldn’t have. No matter how much you might think you’d do anything for Rainier, you’d do more for Elora.”

I lifted my head to tell him what he’d just said didn’t make me feel any better, but a sob broke past my lips. I tried to rein in my emotions as I noticed the other soldiers glance over in my direction. They’d been giving me space, and a small part of me wondered if they feared me. Dewalt’s panicked eyes met mine.

“No, no, shit. That’s not—no. You’re a good fucking mother. And he’d want you to make that choice. It helps her, protects the kid. Emma, I’m sorry. Listen,” he said, tugging me closer to him as he split the distance, hooking one arm around my back while his other rested on my knee. “We have to take this risk, and you are brave—so fucking brave—for taking it. But this is something we have to do. We have to do it, no matter what. So there isn’t any gods damned sense in thinking in ‘what ifs,’ alright?”

He was right. What point was there in that line of thought? I had no choice; I would do this either way to save Rain. Dewalt rubbed my back, and I focused on the beats of the hearts surrounding us, trying to steady myself.

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