Page 55 of Between Despair and Hope

“No, don’t fucking say that. She’s not dead. She will wake.” Through my cloak, I felt his lips on my spine. “She has to wake. We have so many things to tell her,” he said, and he took a shuddering breath. “Ihave so many things to tell her.”

When we finally neared the Cascade, I could see ships on the horizon. Lavenia and Raj had been successful. I felt nothing but immense relief, knowing if Declan took action now, we’d be protected. Rain suspected he would take his time, but still—I was glad to know the Cascade would be fortified if he was wrong.

We landed in the field of wildflowers near the remains of the thorned cavern I’d created. Falling apart with the onslaught of winter, it looked almost skeletal. We hadn’t dismounted from Irses, even though the rest of the soldiers had all slid off their beasts. I supposed we could have gotten closer to the fortress, but I didn’t want to frighten anyone with the dragons. Glancing over my shoulder at him, I saw him staring at the thorns.

“I saw it,” he whispered. “Your shadows and thorns and light. I couldn’t get to you in time.”

“You’ve been with me all along.” I lifted his hand and pressed it to my heart, letting him feel the steady pound in my chest. His own beat was sure, and he took a deep breath.

“I don’t think straight when it comes to you. I lose my fucking mind, and I—I should have stayed with you that day.”

Any resentment and frustration I had for him fell away with his words. I hadn’t planned to say anything to him immediately, if ever. But now, hearing the regret in his voice, and after knowing what he’d been through, I’d have to take some time to organize my thoughts before we discussed it.

I stayed quiet, and he slid off Irses. I was suddenly exhausted. Steeling myself for the effort it would take to dismount, I froze when I felt his touch on my leg. It wasn’t very bright, the winter sun behind a cloud, but his small smile was a balm to my weary soul. He couldn’t reach my waist, Irses being as tall as he was, but it was clear Rain wanted to help me down. I twisted, allowing myself to slide from the dragon’s muscular body, and Rain guided me to the ground. He let his hands hover over my waist before taking a measured step back. Though incomplete, the bond between us flared to life, golden vibrations and heat taking over. His hands fell to his sides as Dewalt approached, shucking off his shirt.

“What do you want to do with the dragons?” He seemed annoyed. I was about to answer when a breeze struck, causing him to shiver and my nostrils to face the assault of his scent.

“Gods, you need to bathe. You go; I’ll deal with them.” I turned back to Irses, finding the giant watching me with calm eyes. Rain stood nearby, hands shoved into his pockets and his head down. My chest tightened at the sight. He hadn’t returned as a triumphant king, but a broken and bruised man. I tried not to stare at him, not wanting to unsettle him with the sorrow I couldn’t hide. He walked over to the woman who had ridden with Dewalt and spoke in a low murmur. Dewalt ignored my command, waiting patiently as I spoke to Irses.

“Listen, I’m not sure you know what I’m saying to you. But this field seems like it might be a good spot for you to sleep?” The dragon shook his wings out before tucking them back in, hunkering down to the smallest size he could. The cold breeze pushed past once more, and goosebumps raced across my skin.

“Do you think it might be too cold for them?” Dewalt asked, voice quiet.

Hyše and Traekka were already curled around one another, but the others seemed restless. I’d have to pull the arrow from Traekka’s wing, but I was nervous. What if it hurt me? I was afraid to find just how connected we were.

“You think they might prefer somewhere more sheltered?” My friend continued.

Irses snorted, his breath coming out hot as he looked at Dewalt. I smiled. It seemed as if the beast agreed. I looked around, my eyes catching on the cliff face to the east, overlooking the sea.

“I’m sure there are caves over there.” I pointed. “If you can’t find one, I can try to make you one? Or I suppose Rain can, since I can’t use...” I trailed off, talking more to myself than the dragon before me.

Irses let out a low rumble and bent down, nuzzling against the top of my head. He was gentle, but it felt a bit like being sat upon. Irses let out a small growl, and I turned to find Rain approaching.

“Shush, you,” I said, pushing the dragon’s head away from me.

“Careful, Your Majesty. The beast’s loyalty isn’t with you.” Dewalt laughed, smiling at Rain. When Rain didn’t return the smile, I rushed to explain.

“He’s just not used to you yet. He bit Dewalt almost immediately,” I offered.

“He’s protective. It’s a good thing.” Rain wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing his biceps, and I realized how cold he had to be.

“Here, take my cloak.”

The look I received in return burned a hole through me.

“Absolutely not. I’m sure I can find something here. I probably need to go talk to Ven.” Hands in his pockets again, he wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t know what was going through his head, but, gods, I just wanted to throw myself upon him. Hold him, weep with him.

“I’ll go with you,” I blurted.

“No,” he replied almost just as fast. His eyes darted to my shoulder before lifting to where I knew Irses hovered, his breath hot. “I’ll go change, talk to Ven, and meet you after?”

I swallowed and nodded a moment before Rain opened a rift, stepping through without a word. I turned back to Irses, fighting tears so Dewalt wouldn’t see, and rested my hand on the creature’s snout.

“Please don’t kill any people. Or animals that belong to people. I’ll figure out a way to feed you all. Can you keep an eye on them?” Irses let out an exhale of breath as he turned, his wings spread wide, before launching toward the cliffs. All but the injured dragon followed without hesitation. Thyra was fussing over Traekka, and the beast wouldn’t let her get close.

“He’ll be alright, Emma.” Dewalt hadn’t left my side, but thankfully he’d kept a decent distance from me, sparing me his stink.

Only Thyra and the novice who’d been sick lingered, and Dewalt followed me as I walked toward Traekka with purpose.

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