Page 60 of Between Despair and Hope

I supposed it was time to talk to her. I’d spoke to Mairin on our way to the Cascade and knew my decision was right.

“About that—” I cleared my throat. “Do you have feelings for the merrow?”

Her posture shifted, and she pushed away from the wall. “I don’t know. Why?”

“Because I’m not doing this again.”

“Doing what again? What are you talking about?” She scowled, and I sighed. Rubbing my hand over my face, not eager to have this conversation, I straightened and found my resolve.

“Your relationships suffer because you feel bad for me. I’m not going to watch another woman fall in love with you and get her heart broken. I’m not going to watch you break your own heart to protect me.”

“That’s not what—”

“It’s not up for discussion. I want to break the bond.”

“You want to break the bond foryou, or you want to break the bond forme?” she countered.

“It won’t take much. Ever since you’ve met Mairin, it’s been weak. Feel it.” To illustrate my point, I plucked on one of the golden threads, knowing she would barely feel it. “It got like this with Brenna, but then you fucked that up. Not going to watch it happen again, sorry. If I were compatible with Mairin, then maybe I wouldn’t feel like this. We could bring her into the bond with us—if the Myriad would even allow it…” I softened, voice trailing off as I saw hurt cross her features. “Ven, you’ve been there for me a hell of a lot longer than I deserve. I want you to get what you need and want out of life and not worry about me while you do it.”

She crossed her arms, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. “You’re not a burden, D. Don’t talk that way.”

“I’m not here to debate. Do you not see the way she looks at you?” She averted her eyes, cheeks darkening. “She looks at you the way I should,” I said. “I’ll admit it’s not for lack of trying. But it’s never been like that between us. Right?” I asked, already knowing the answer. Sure, we appreciated one another’s bodies and companionship, but unyielding love? Never.

“Right,” she murmured.

“Chin up, kid,” I offered, and I couldn’t help my grin as her chin jerked out and her eyes went cold.

“Oh, no you fucking don’t. You don’t get to start—”

“You don’t have sex to hold over me anymore. I can call you whatever I want now.” I laughed, darting away from her before she landed the punch.

The door opened, and Rainier stood there, eyes tired and posture sagging.

“Where’s Em?” he rasped. He sounded as exhausted as he looked.

“In your room.” He nodded, about to step past me, and I sobered. “We need to talk.”

Walking past them into Raj’s study, I gestured for them to join me. Lavenia followed, lowering herself into one of the wingback chairs as I leaned against the desk in front of her. I was pleased with how our conversation had gone. The fact she didn’t push back harder told me my decision was the right one. It was strange; I’d been bonded to her for a decade, and it almost felt freeing to end things. Emma had been optimistic about my ability to perform the bond with someone else, but I knew that wasn’t in my future. Lavenia could have it though. Lavenia could have what Rainier and Emma found again.

“Two things,” I said. Holding up a finger, I continued. “Number one, me and Ven are breaking the bond.” Rainier, who leaned against the closed door with folded arms, only blinked at me. “Thought you should know, since our divinity will be affected.”

His brows rose before he asked, “Why?”

“Dewalt thinks he’s holding me back,” Lavenia supplied before I had a chance. She sounded pissed.

“Well, is he?” Rainier questioned, calm.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I’ve decided. I assume you’ll help us with the dissolution?”

Lavenia bolted up from her seat. “Why would we do that?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Rainier interjected. “You only married because of the bond.”

“Exactly.”

“What about your title?” she asked. Something twisted in me, seeing her panic-stricken face. I didn’t know why she was taking this poorly. There wouldn’t be a drastic difference. She rarely weaved visions. It wasn’t that often I used her divinity either. I could understand concern over no longer having access to the font, but she could do that with Mairin—if the Myriad could be convinced.

Rainier snorted, answering for me. “Ven, you know he doesn’t give a damn about that. What’s going on? I thought this had always been the plan. One day, you’d find someone else, break it, and that would be it.”

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