Page 63 of Between Despair and Hope

“Damia.”

He kissed my collarbone, licked it, worshiped it, as he crashed against me. The slapping sound nearly undid me, hearing him take me so viciously, making me wetter by the second. I slipped my arms around his body, my fingertips tracing over his skin, and I held my breath, frozen, when I felt new scars scattered over his back. He tensed as I moved my fingertips over them, pushing some of my healing divinity into him as he pushed himself deep into me. He nipped my collarbone before he pulled back a bit to look at my face.

“You saved me.” A punctuating thrust. “Gods damn, Em.” Another. “You’ve never stopped saving me.”

I reached up with one hand to cup his face while the other still worked over his back. “We saved each other, Rain.”

He pulled himself to his knees and picked me up, arms circling behind my back, before he slammed me down onto his thick cock. I felt everything. The short pull out of me before the slam of my body over his, the blood rushing, his heart beating. My heart. I threw an arm around his neck and held on as I tilted my head back and unwrapped my legs from his body, planting my feet on either side of him. I was overwhelmed. He leaned his head down, pulling my nipple into his mouth, nibbling and sucking as he continued to hold me. Tugging with his teeth and healing with his tongue, the slight pain caused everything to throb. Pulling back, Rain licked his bottom lip as he looked over me, reverent.

“The Damia constellation on your collarbone. The shifter didn’t have it. But you do.” He kissed me there, laving the freckles which set me apart. How we were positioned took the moonlight off him and spread over me instead. He froze, staring at my neck, and I realized I must have bruised already. “Fuck, Em. I didn’t—I could have—”

He didn’t move, holding me, but I writhed on him, distracting him, looking down to see where he rested inside me. I had taken him completely, and I was comfortable in the fullness. I slid my hand down to my clit, rubbing that sensitive spot there as I moved. He sat still, eyes darting from my face to my neck to where our bodies met.

“You didn’t. I could have stopped you before I did if I needed to,” I said.

He dropped me, and I slammed onto the bed.

“You should have!” he roared, loud and hoarse. Vicious.

“Rain, if I used my divinity, it would have hurt you. And I refuse to do that.”

“So, you let me hurt you instead? What the fuck, Em?”

He was still on his knees, and his cock bobbed between my breasts as I sat up on my elbows. Moving toward him, I pulled him into my mouth, sucking my desire from him. He tilted his head back with a heavy sigh. I slid him deeper into my mouth, letting him push to the back of my throat, before I moved back, sucking tight and at an angle. When I pulled away, a loud popping sound rang out.

“I can protect myself against you, Rain.” I turned around and crawled, bending over so I was ready for him. Feeling the vibration of the golden strings, I rubbed my thighs together and reached down, lightly playing with my clit as I looked back at him. And I waited. The insistent buzzing and pulling of those golden threads continued at a milder rate, momentarily satiated, but I knew what it wanted. I knew Rain felt it too, even as he watched me, his erection persistent as he looked me over, throat working as he swallowed.

He moved, sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from me as he rubbed his fingers through his hair. It had grown a fair amount, and it reminded me of when we were young. I wondered if he’d cut it or keep it. The soft, tight curls begged for my fingers to run through them, but I pushed the thought aside, more concerned about why he’d turned away from me. I sat up, moving to sit beside him. We both sat there, exposed in more than one way, and I leaned against his arm.

“We kissed, but that was it. I saw you—her—naked but never touched her. I didn’t want to do what she tempted me with. I only ever wanted to hold you. But now that I can do both of those things with you, and want to, I’m terrified of doing them.”

“We don’t have—”

“No, that’s not what I want. I want to make love to you. I want to renew the bond. I want to hold you. But I don’t want to be afraid while doing them. I nearly strangled you to death, Em!”

“But you didn’t.” I reached out to him, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it. “One day at a time, that’s all we can do, Rain.”

His face softened as he looked at me, the moonlight highlighting his strong, upturned nose. The light hit his eyes, more grey than green in the dark, and untold emotion lay within them. He pulled me into his lap, situating me on top of him on the edge of the bed. “This way, please,” he requested, vulnerable.

“Wait,” I said before I reached for my pack, dragging out the dagger I’d stolen from Shivani days ago. I could have sworn it pulsed, the light in the room dimming with it, before I cut my hand. Rain held out his own, palm up, without a word, and I repeated the cut. Taking his hand in mine, letting our blood mingle, I pulled it to my mouth, kissing his knuckles.

“You won’t hurt me. I promise I won’t let you,” I offered, hoping to reassure him.

“I’d rather die than have you hurt. Perhaps I’m a coward, but I’ve hurt you more than I ever meant to, and I can’t let myself do it again. I’m not strong enough.”

“You won’t hurt me. It’s going to be alright,” I said as I lifted my body, freeing him from between us, and lowered myself on top of him. His eyes closed, and his mouth parted, a sigh of pleasure escaping as he did. I moved gently, different from how he’d just taken me with rough, precise thrusts. Rocking my body over him as he held me tight, arms wrapped around me, I let the friction and heat between us build. He kissed the top of my shoulder while his hands roamed over me. They cupped my backside, helping pull me back and forth on top of him as I let him fill me so deeply, I didn’t think the bond could ever break again. The thrumming heightened as my motions grew more frenzied, my pace increasing as I leaned toward him, about to kiss him. But he dipped his head at the last moment, pressing his mouth to the tops of my breasts.

I did my best to not take offense to the slight, but a tear slipped past my lashes all the same. I vowed to myself to give him all the time he needed to come back to me. I wouldn’t let him see my pain when he had so much of his own. His mouth traced kisses across my chest, and I felt the golden light glowing brightly—just on the edge of my vision. It warmed me, warmed us, and I knew we’d make it through this somehow. The tingle in my spine grew, spreading down to where he sat within me, and I felt myself tighten around him. He grunted while he dug his fingers into my hips, leaving marks I’d keep to find in the morning, to make me smile in the memory of our connection.

“The tonic. Oh, gods,” I breathed, not stopping, close enough to the crash I wasn’t sure I was in control of my movements anymore. His hands stayed on me, guiding me in his lap, choosing not to hear me, or perhapsneedingnot to, and I decided I didn’t care.

“Please,” he whispered, continuing to move my body, and if this was how he needed to claim me, to come back to me, I’d give it. The risk, the fear, the knowledge we would be able to make it through anything as long as we had each other—it pushed me onward, and I threw caution to the wind. Wanting to take everything he could give me, I flexed my hips, setting a punishing pace. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, mouth dropping open on a groan. “Yes, Em. Gods, I needed you,” he spoke on a shuddered exhale. My own body shook as I pushed us over the edge, heat ripping up my spine.

I felt his heat pulse within me as I dragged it out with each squeeze of my muscles around him. He wrapped his arms around me so tightly, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to take a deep breath if I tried. And then I began to cry.

I couldn’t stop, the tears crashing down my face as he held me, and I saw a hint of wetness reflected in his own. No words could explain what either of us felt, so we just sat there, holding one another. I traced my hands over his shoulders to the sides of his neck and face. I wanted so badly to kiss him. But I didn’t want to face the rejection of him turning away from me again, so I resisted. I reveled in the feeling of our renewed bond, the well of his divinity just on the other side of the threads, and I could feel his emotions again, though less clearly than I remembered. He was content, hopeful, and I was sure my own emotions mirrored it. After long moments wrapped in his arms, I finally let out a long exhale.

“I won’t let you hurt me,” I whispered. “We’re strong enough to get through this. You’re strong enough.”

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