Page 85 of Between Despair and Hope

“No, I—if I hurt you, it could send us back to the start. I know she hurt you.”

He leaned down, lips hovering over my skin, before pressing them to my shoulder. I was frozen, pressed against the wall, dying for his kiss to move, to trace my jaw, to find my own lips parted and waiting.

“I’d rather that than be afraid of you not using it when you need to.”

His mouth moved against my skin, following the path up my neck like I wanted.

“Can I touch you?” I asked.

A brush of his lips against my jaw, as he whispered, “Yes.” I slid my hands on either side of his waist, pulling him closer to me as his hand rested on my shoulder and his thumb grazed my skin. “Promise me, Em.”

“I can’t. I won’t hurt you.”

“If you don’t promise me, I can’t kiss you. And I swear on all the gods if you don’t let me kiss you right now, my divinity will bring the walls down around us.”

“Kiss me anyway,” I said, as his hand moved up to cup my face. Insistent green eyes simmering with that tempered heat stared down at me, and the crease between his eyebrows added to his intensity.

“Promise me,” he whispered as his mouth lowered to mine, echoes of his last kiss hovering between us. When he’d told me goodbye at the Cascade. When we stood to lose or gain everything.

“I promise,” I breathed, unable to deny myself this. Unable to continue existing without him.

And when his lips made contact with my own, it was with the lightest touch. A whisper of motion I wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t here in front of me. But then I met his movement, pulling him toward me by the waist. I hadn’t realized how much I had yearned for his lips on mine until they were there. When he’d turned away from me the night before, it had hurt, but I didn’t realize just how badly I needed it until now. It was like the kiss we shared against the table in my little house in Brambleton. An end to our separation and the promise of more.

His thumb caressed my cheek as he deepened the kiss. Still feather-light and gentle, but undeniably him. I whimpered as emotion flooded our bond. Contentment and relief mixed with unyielding affection and desire. After my initial pressing, I wanted him to lead what passed between us. So I let him pull away, even though I never wanted him to stop.

“You taste like home,” he said.

Tears I hadn’t realized were waiting crashed down over my cheeks, and he leaned forward, kissing each one before dragging his lips back to mine, their salty caress making me feel so gods damn alive.

He moved with purpose now, his tongue parting my lips and sneaking in, twining with mine. Allowing me to hold him tight, our bodies aligned, and I pulled him flush against me. As much as I might have tasted like home to him, it was his embrace, his touch, his grounding presence which was my home. I could tell he was still afraid to touch me, only allowing his one hand to cup my jaw while the other braced the wall. But he didn’t hold back with this kiss, the desperation and need running through the bond between us so potently I didn’t know what to do with it. He slid his leg between my own, his thigh pressing against me and providing pressure I needed. A slight moan slipped out which he took, stealing the sound with his mouth, and he dropped his hand from the wall, placing it on my shoulder.

“Real. Mine.”

“Always.”

I tugged his lower lip into my mouth, nipping softly, and his hand slid from my shoulder up to my neck. Knowing the roughness of his touch was likely a result of my playful bite and the tension between us, I hated myself for not being able to push the thoughts of the night before out of my mind. When he’d stolen my breath from me, left bruises on me, because he thought I was someone I wasn’t. I’d convinced him I wasn’t afraid, that the risk was worth it, but the harsh grip, no matter how harmless, set me on edge. It was only when I noticed them crawling up his wrist in my periphery, I realized I could use my shadows to stop him without hurting him. It calmed me in an instant, and I was eager to show him.

Letting the shadow circle tighter, I coaxed them to pull his hand away from my neck.

“See? I can stop you,” I said, just as I felt fear through the bond.

He jolted away suddenly, pulling his wrist from my grip.

“Let go,” he demanded, stern, and I was confused. I had dismissed my shadows the second I felt the fear, and yet they continued to twine up his arm.

“Let go!” He shouted, stepping away from me, stumbling backwards.

“I did! Rain, I—I don’t know why—” I stuttered, trying to coax the shadows away, but they wouldn’t listen. They twisted up his own neck, and I summoned my light into my hand, hoping to banish them that way.

It reminded me of—

“Gods, Rain, they’reyourshadows. I forgot you have them too. They do this when—”

He was breathing fast, mouth open and panic in his eyes as he slid down the wall. I was afraid to use my light on him and hurt him. I’d never burned myself, but I’d seen what divine fire could do. Perhaps he could use his own to stop them.

Dropping my fire, I knelt in front of him, on my knees between his outspread legs, as I put a hand on either side of his face. I held his head, making his frenzied eyes meet mine. His eyes were wet, and he heaved a sob, the terror down the bond so profound I knew it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Listen to me, you can do it. Send them away.”

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